Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

Tequila Rose is a full time slave who recently relocated to Germany to be with her Master. She has been in the lifestyle since her early twenties and continues to learn more about the lifestyle and being a slave. She now spends her days learning her new language and wandering the streets of Dortmund. You can contact her via email:

9 responses to “Submission Isn’t Easy-Nor for Your Convenience”

  1. Kayla Lords

    I agree with you on SO many levels. The only difference (for me, and it’s all personal, as you well know) is that I will indicate some request is an absolute hard limit by yelling out “Red!” We keep it light and non-confrontational so that John Brownstone knows that something he’s asking is too much for me, and it’s REALLY rare. But when he wants something I can’t give (yet or at all) that’s how I handle it.

    That being said…

    If what he’s asking of me (or telling me to do or demanding or whatever) is within the bounds of what I agreed to when I said I’d be his submissive, not wanting to do it is *my* problem not his. So even if I have the internal whining or “ugh” feeling about it, I’m still going to do it. That was the agreement. I expect him to be my Dominant all the time (because we’re 24/7) so he should have the expectation that I’ll be his submissive all the time. Safewording or simply saying no because I don’t feel like doing something dishonors our agreement and our relationship. Do I have the ability to ask for an extension, explain why something is a problem, or ask for help? Of course I do, but refusing because I don’t feel like it? For me and my relationship, that’s the exact opposite of serving and submitting.

  2. Elle

    Love this post. Absolutely love those words of wisdom … ‘I don’t wanna’ is not a safeword

    Also love the thoughts about gifts and sweatshirts

  3. Mary

    I also do not believe that submission is not a gift. It is willingly given to someone once trust is established, because that person is also giving you something as well. It is a two way street. Both gain, you cannot have one without the other.

    Safe words are like 911. Only use in case of emergency. If used in the wrong context, (exception being yellow as caution), it might turn into the boy who cried wolf, and you’ll lose the trust, and ultimately, your D/s relationship.

    Don’t want to do the laundry that I despise? I might try to come up with a “fair” trade for my Dom than to call my safeword because I don’t wanna. Although then again, I might just do it after all, he doesn’t seem to know the meaning of the word fair…..

  4. leah

    I agree 100% with the comment from Kayla lords. Perfectly said

  5. Gina

    I completely agree with this post with the additional caveat from Kayla Lords about the request and hard limit. Master and I live six hours apart so we see each other only every other weekend. He works nights, so often I am alone during the day each Friday I am there. I make plans in my head as to what I’m going to do with my down time (work on something job related or class related). This usually works out pretty well but every now and then Master has a need that I can only get done during normal business hours. Sometimes it is something I absolutely do not want to do and have some resentment that I will not be able to get done what I had planned to get done for myself. But I would never in a million years think to safe word just because it interfered with my plans for my down time or because I didn’t want to. I agreed to submit to Master and submit I will provided the request doesn’t cause me to answer yes to any of the questions posed in the post and/or goes against an already stated hard limit.

    As a side note, I’d much rather clean the microwave than do laundry. At lease with cleaning the microwave there is a point to where the job is done. With laundry, unless you wash clothes completely naked, your laundry is never completely done because now you have to wash what you are wearing. :)

  6. Sapphire Rose


    If submission isn’t a gift, then what is it?

    (Just really curious to hear your definition! Loved the article!)

  7. lunaKM

    @Sapphire Rose – I’m sure tequilarose will come by and give her definition, but I thought I’d share an article I wrote a while back about my opinion that submission isn’t a gift and what it really is for me.

  8. PixxieGirl

    As a newbie sub, I need this today! We’ve had a rough week – I’ve been on the antibiotics in the last month and had lovely thrush as result. This really threw our routine we had found worked for our life into disarray!! And left us both a bit tense as I gave it to my hubbie as well so both out of play lol!! So last night I snuck off to spare room and well you can finish that thought yourself I’m sure lol! So I confessed this morning and he was really hurt!! So today has been a day of realising what my submission means to him and that I cannot take the rules lightly!! I’ve a slightly sore bum but things are back to great again lol!! I’m learning every day from you all. Thank you for your insights

    Love P

  9. Jen

    “I don’t wanna’ is not a safeword”

    My Master and i had a good laugh about this one. It’s very true.

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