When it comes to roleplay and kinky sex, coming up with ideas on what to do with your partner can be challenging for a beginner. So many wonderful thoughts are racing through your head at once, and your fantasies are begging to be fulfilled! So, do you have a partner who wants to engage in kinky playtime? Let’s develop some fun scenarios to make exploring BDSM and roleplay easy and fun!

Before you start playing, you should address some safety concerns. Many activities in BDSM have some level of risk for injury or harm, so let’s play safe! The activities you want to do should not surprise your partner, and you should understand what to do and how to keep each other safe while having fun. The last thing you want is a trip to the Emergency Room!

Before you take your clothes off, do these things.

Agree on a safeword.

A safeword is a code word that means "stop, I really mean it." BDSM practitioners often avoid the words "no" or "stop" because of how fun it is to struggle playfully, and it's a common fantasy to say “no: but really want the fun to continue. Because of this, selecting a word that would never appear in the scene as your safeword is a good idea. If there will be gags used, dropping a set of keys, using a dog-training clicker, or ringing a bell are common solutions. Common safe words are “red,” your full name, and “safeword.” But, if you’re new to kinky play if your partner says “no” or “stop,” you should check in and make sure they are doing alright.

Be Prepared.

There’s more to kinky play than there is to sex. Other than consent, which we’ll discuss, you must be a boy scout. Be prepared for those just-in-case moments. Are you going to tie your partner up? Then make sure you have rescue shears to cut them out if needed. Your first aid kit should be stocked and easy access for any cuts, abrasions, or bruising.

Riskier play should first have some practice and education from someone who knows what they are doing. Don’t try to do an activity before you’ve learned all you can about it. You can find BDSM support and munch groups in just about every larger city center. There are online resources you can tap into also.

Negotiate Play and Get Consent.

Talk about what you will do with each other. Ensure you are both on the same page about what you want to do and experience. Everyone should know what risks each activity may present and be okay with those risks. All participants should verbally and enthusiastically consent.

Specify what limits you have and any restrictions that may be for just that playtime. For example, even if you are frequent play partners, let them know if you have a Dr. visit coming and need to avoid marks or have some meeting where you’ll be sitting for a long time, so avoiding a tender bottom might be required.

Other articles on BDSM scene safety and negotiation:

Planning a BDSM Scene

Planning a BDSM scene is a very individual thing. Many people new to BDSM have trouble planning what they want to do with each other. Start by setting some goals.

  1. How does each participant want to feel?
  2. What sensations do you want to experience?
  3. Why do you want to play together?
  4. What activities do you have in mind?
  5. What is the intent of the scene?

For example, here are some intents you might have:

  • I want to give/have the biggest orgasm ever.
  • I want my pleasure to be the focus; they are there simply to serve.
  • I want us both to experience something we’ve not tried before.
  • I want to release the stress of the day.
  • I want to help them relax.
  • I want to test out a new toy.
  • I want a playful scene where we both have fun and don’t take it seriously.

Use those goals to sketch out a scene and then gain consent. What can you do to make each person reach their goals for play?

Go slowly. If you’ve never been spanked, don’t start with the heavy wooden paddle and aim for 100 strokes. Use your hand and try to get to 10 strokes. See how that feels before you move on. You can always do more later but can’t take any back.

I use an intensity rating scale when I’m bottoming with someone new. Before play, we agree on a maximum intensity level from 1-10. If I’ve never played with them, I don’t like going over 7. More connection or experience with a person may change that number. As we play the scene, I’ll tell them what number that intensity is as it changes. This way, they can gauge how much force they are using or where my emotional state is.

The whole scene should follow an arc, with a gradual build-up, the occasional dip in action to allow recovery, and leading to a final crescendo with the rougher and more extreme stuff left towards the end when the bottom’s body and mind are in the right place.

Accept that things may not go to plan. Sometimes tangents are nice, and you can get so wrapped up in what you’re doing that you forget to switch to something else, or you need to stop or change things because physical or emotional limits have come up.

Plan to provide aftercare. Aftercare is the act of bringing everyone back to a normal emotional and physical place after playtime. This can include rest, relaxation, connection, first aid, massage, or sex. It’s all personal, and you should negotiate it along with the activities within the scene.

Remember, when building a BDSM scene, there’s only one overriding goal: to have a great time together.

Scene Ideas

There are as many ways to "do" BDSM stuff as there are people, so what you can do is almost limitless. These are just a few ideas to start to bring into your sex life a bit of kink and role play.

Set The Scale

If you are exploring impact play or a new toy, the partner that receives the impact play will announce the pain scale for each strike. This is meant to help both parties learn their limits. The bottom will learn how intense they can tolerate, and the Top will learn how to handle the tool/toy to strike consistently.

The Captured Spy

The partner who plays the spy gets tied to a chair while the captor uses pleasure and pain to pump them for information. You can do this until they are forced to ‘divulge the secret codes’ (their safe word).

The Roadside Police Stop

Dressed as a police officer, pull your partner over and ask to see their license and registration. Maybe they aren’t cooperating or seem suspicious, but you better ask them to step out of the car and handcuff them. Frisk them to make sure they’re not dangerous, and then decide from there whether you need them to get into the backseat of your car.

The Great Escape

Use your best dirty talk and what body movements you can manage while all tied up to convince the stoic guard that you’re innocent(ish)and need to be freed. Of course, you’ll reward them for doing so.

Dirty Dancing

The dancer gets to pick the song they think is the sexiest and show off their moves until their patron gets too handsy. Use something you have around the room or a prop like stockings to keep the patron restrained to their chair, and then they have to struggle against their bonds while the dancer continues their striptease.

The Boss and the Secretary

When one of you plays the boss, the other can be the eager-to-please assistant or even one who has been slacking off terribly; either way, the paperwork has been mounting up for too long, and it’s about time the two of you got down to a bit of long overdue after hours admin.

Teacher and Pupil

One plays the teacher, the other the student. Who gets to be the naughty one is up to you. Is it a teacher that says you have to earn your "A," or a student that wants to get out of staying after class? It’s even more fun with costumes!

Taken by Force

Many scenarios include the submissive being taken by "force." Cheap, disposable clothing can lend a fun air of realism to the scenario that can be torn, sliced, or cut off the submissive.

You don't have to ruin any surprises, but it's nice not to be entirely in the dark, either. After all, this is supposed to be fun, sexy, and hot!

No matter what sort of fun you get up to, whether you choose one of these scenarios or your own, you'll learn a lot about what you are interested in, what turns out to be hot in reality, and what doesn't. It's all a learning experience that should fulfill you and add spice to your life!