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lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on lunaKM.me, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

3 responses to “An Open Letter to Everyone Who Wants to Know What a D/s Relationship is Supposed to Look Like”

  1. FatherJon

    My current relationship started out as a heavily influenced D/s one, with daily spankings being the order of the day, much to the joy of my loved one.

    However over 10 years that has melted down to becoming a relationship in which my direction/domination is still appreciated but the spankings have stopped. I deeply love my partner and would do anything for her but I also have no wish to hurt her physically or emotionally.

    I do still yearn for the feel of a nice smooth bare bottom over my knee awaiting a hard spanking, but I have to look elsewhere for that. My partner knows my feelings and has no problem with me seeking that which I need ‘offshore’, so to speak, so long as I don’t forget the family hearth.

    There are probably many more similar stories of where D/s relationships morphed into vanilla lifestyles.

  2. Fun_Couple

    Thank you for this article.
    As many people as possible should read it.
    There are rules on this journey/adventure but generally the path is open to interpretation.

    I am 56 and my girl is 31.
    She holds more qualifications than I do, and gets paid more than I do.
    We are both very happy and love/trust and care for each other.

    We tread our own path.

  3. Cebmaway

    I am new to this topic and just like to share my thoughts.
    It seems to me that the behavior of the sub originates from possible personality traits that you are born with. Secondly shaped by influences from experiences from childhood. I suppose the reasons can be many. I wonder though if most of the subs missed being met and seen on an emotional level by their parents. Is it lack of confirmation? Lack of reassurance? Lack of support? Lack of understanding the childs emotional needs?
    In addition being put down. Made believe you are not good enough. Not capable. In other words. Made believe you are weak and not good at doing anything basically.
    I know it’s wrong to generalize but I felt this could be a general reason for many subs. That’s just my thinking.
    Next. If this is the case or part of it is correct. A BDSM lifestyle can help managing the emotions. It can help bringing some structure into the subs life. It can help the sub feel better and start making steps forward towards handling their lives in a more positive way. What happens if the dom is not aware of the responsibility he is taking on when engaging in the life of a sub?
    Just some reflections I had. Would be interesting to hear points of view to my thoughts.
    For myself I consider me as a regular male that have engaged in an online relation with a sub. She sees me as a promising dom. The topic interests and excites me, but I feel it’s more to a doms role than just being able to spank my sub from time to time.

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