Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

Tequila Rose is a full time slave who recently relocated to Germany to be with her Master. She has been in the lifestyle since her early twenties and continues to learn more about the lifestyle and being a slave. She now spends her days learning her new language and wandering the streets of Dortmund. You can contact her via email:

4 responses to “Stop Being So Hard on Yourself-The Importance of Accepting Who You Are”

  1. Keith Smith

    Thank you very much for this post. I trust that it will help many others. I know that I spent a lot of time, years in fact accepting what and who I am. I thought that there was something wrong with me, that I was in some way psychologically ill. When I realised that I enjoyed being strapped, caned, cropped, paddled, flogged, whipped etc I thought that this was wrong. I would attempt to deny that I really enjoyed this happening to me. But that did not do me any good at all. I am a sincere honest person. The more I tried to tell myself that these feelings were not me the more I realised that in attempting to deny them I was being a phony. Even for periods over this last year I have been trying to deny who I am. Every time I would attempt to deny that I am a masochist the current Dom who plays with me would smile and say very quietly “oh yes you are”. Firstly I would try to tell her that I am not a real, dyed in the wool masochist. Yes I was prepared to admit that I had masochistic tendencies but I genuinely believed that I was not a masochist. For me then that was a bridge to far for me to accept. Then I attempted to tell her that I was not as masochistic as she thought that I was. Each time my attempts were met in exactly the same way. In reality she knew me even better than I knew myself. Sometimes it takes someone other than ones self to show us who we really are. Some might say that I was being brainwashed into believing something that was false. The people who say this obviously do not know my current Dom. I am sure that one of the main reasons why we get on so well together is that we are both transparently honest. If I stopped enjoying our play sessions or if she stopped enjoying them I am quite sure that we would stop playing. We started playing together after an event when she was topping someone immediately prior to when in the demo following someone topped me. She was watching the demo that I was in and noticed that I really enjoyed hard Impact Play. At the next Munch when she asked me if I would like to have play with her I was really blown away as I am by nature a shy person who would never have approached her. Not only was she known as a very experienced Dom but it was widely known that she primarily played with females. It transpired that she loves playing hard but that there were not many subs who could take as hard play as she was able to impart. We clicked together right from then. Each time we play it is even better than the last time. As well as finding out that I am a masochist I have found out once and for all that I am a natural sub. Before she got me to kneel down before her I would have thought that i would absolutely hate to to do such a thing. I amazed myself by discovering that as soon as I was kneeling before her that it just felt so very right. Now she uses me as a footstool and has even led me right around the Play Party venue on a leash attached to a collar around my neck.

    I would really encourage everyone to discover who they themselves really are and as your article clearly brings out to accept and to embrace themselves. I hope that what I have written may be of encouragement to others who may be struggling to accept themselves for who they are.

  2. Lee-Anne

    Thank-you for sharing this. Your words ring very close to my own feelings. It really helps with the loneliness I feel when with my vanilla friends and family.

  3. Ryan

    Thank you for the article. I’m currently looking for a bit of emotional support as I begin to explore my submissiveness (D/s, not M/s), and it helps for me to realize I’m not alone in my brain struggling to accept me for me.

    I just recently started actually adventuring out into this scene in the past few weeks. I’ve tested the water a little bit, and know it’s what I like, but it’s mostly thus far been relatively mild scenes (and usually with my husband). About two weeks ago, a Dom I had been casually chatting with offered to train me to submit to him. I had a long talk with my husband, and decided to go for it, as we both know I have been looking for this opportunity. While we will not even meet face to face until next week, Sir has been gracious and kind, but I keep throwing up walls. When I work to break them down, I end up trying to either justify my thoughts or focus too much on what might happen that I freak out. For example, starting today, I need Sir’s permission to orgasm. He threatened to restrain me in a chastity device if I’m unable to do so. He is aware I am married, and he DOES respect that. Rather than realize I simply need to ask Sir’s permission to have sex with my husband, I asked that my husband be allowed to have a key in the event I get locked up so as not to punish him.

    Whenever I start making realizations about myself, instead of standing strong, I start second guessing myself. I feel like as I’m stripping away my defenses to allow me to just be me, a proud sub, I’m actually revealing a scared little boy. On a rational level, I know I’m a good person, but the self-doubt, and the societal pressures I’ve internalized have left me constantly questioning the very core of who I am. A sub.

    I haven’t even begun to consider ‘coming out’ as a sub to my friends and family. It took many of them a long time to adjust to me being with another man. I can’t imagine how they’ll react to me being with another man AND submitting myself completely to another man.

  4. Zekery Melado

    I definatly have to agree with you on this….. i’m very hard on myself….always feeling imperfect, and striving hard to the point where it’s unhealthy for me to continue on, but yet i still do. All my life i’ve pretty much been called useless, pointless, waste of time…told i’ll never make it far in life, and i’ll only just fall back and back… Always picked last, always looked down upon, and bullied and hated on others and it got me really upset that nobody cared for me. Yeah i may have Autism, but i’m still human… So it’s made me very insecure about my self-image, and others around me…So i become completly selfless to show i’m not worthless and a complete failure to others, but yet the more and more i try to help others and make them happy, the more i don’t feel happy about myself, and the harder i push myself to accomplish such thing to make me and the other person happy, which turns out to be a never-ending paradox. It is an obvious fix to make myself happy and not so hard on my self by focusing on my need more than others, but that’d make me feel guilty and greedy for being self-centered instead of my selfless. It’s something that anybody can do, but it will definatly be hard for me, being that i want to become better. but i must thank you for this passage. very inspiring

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