Hello Luna, first; thank you in advance for everything, great site. Second, my question is, I've been in a D/s relationship 3 yrs. from the beginning my Master has wanted a poly family. We have met a woman and have pursued this relationship a year now. I don't know if it's just me but I'm not sure why I can't get it together when 3 of us together to play.  I always have some issue, which hasn't been an issue with others. And sure we all have our jealous moments but how do you separate that jealous moment, with doubts about it all? I've tried talking with my Master but not found a resolution yet? I would love your thoughts Pls.

Hi there,

As I'm sure you know, it's hard work in a poly relationship and there are so many different types of poly relationships out there that it can get confusing fast. For those that are new to poly, the reader is in a triad in which all partners have relationships with each other and do things together. The type of relationship that KnyghtMare and I have is a "V" where he's the one with the other relationships and I don't have relationships with his partners. From what you've said, reader, I can only guess that you have an issue with this specific person and that's why you can't connect when you are all together. If there is anything bothering you about her, or that you just aren't attracted to her then it could get in the way of your play together and also cause more powerful moments of jealousy. It's also possible that you don't want to have a relationship with this other person and you feel forced because you feel it's expected of you.

Having a poly relationship where you have doubts about any of it is difficult. You definitely need to pin down what your doubts are and work through them with everyone involved. Not everyone is capable of triad poly and it doesn't have to be the same as other relationships. You could have been fine with a triad in a previous relationship but in this one, it doesn't feel right. And that's OK. What you have to do with be comfortable with the relationship you are in now; if that means it needs to change a bit then work towards that. Nothing says you have to be in threesomes with this person if that's your sticking point.

There has to be a lot more communication, I think when someone in the relationship has doubts about any of it because doubt can breed into worse emotions if they aren't dealt with. You didn't mention if your Dominant partner had any suggestions or things for you to try so I assume he's as stumped as you are. So bring in the other person and start talking together about it. It is, after all, a relationship with all 3 of you. My article on how to set up a safe environment to talk might help you get things rolling. I wish you the best.