Hi I'm kind of new to the BDSM lifestyle, I'm a submissive and I haven't really started this type of relationship yet. I was just wondering do dominants love their submissive partner? How can I find a dominant that is safe and caring online? I'm sorry if I sound uneducated, but please help me. Thank you for reading this. :)

Dear needing love,

In generic terms, relationships are what the people in them wish them to be. The majority of intimate relationships have love as a basis and that does not exclude D/s ones. Dominants can and do love their submissives. But just as often there are relationships where love does not come into play. Some D/s relationships are just to serve a purpose and not to have an intimate relationship. Others can't exist without love's emotions.

So when you go looking for a relationship partner, if love is important to you, make sure it is to them too.

As for finding a Dominant online, that is safe and caring? That's a challenge, but not an impossible one. Know who you are looking for before you start looking. If this means you need to take some time to learn who you are, then do it. There is no need to rush into a relationship that could be wrong for you just to sample D/s. It will come when you are ready. Once on dating sites, you will have to be judicious in your weeding out the negative fit and being very diligent in finding someone who fits your personality and list of compatibility before committing to them. It's like dating the world over. You have to get to know them first before you'll trust them enough to have sex with. The same goes for play and power exchange. Go out on dates, get comfortable with them, feel the attraction and ultimately whatever you have in common.

Listen to your gut. If it's right then it will feel right. If it's wrong you'll feel that too. Best of luck.

--lunaKM