Hello.. Umm, I don't know how to start this. You see I'm trying to get my boyfriend to be more dominant in the bedroom. I understand the whole communication part and we communicate great... About other things... When I come to sex and telling him what I like I afraid I might scare him. But, what that being said he's the only guy I've been with for almost fours years now and it's not that the sex isn't great it's just sometimes I'm just tired of vanilla sex and want something else.. Any advice?

Hi there,

My advice is quite simple to give but harder to do. You need to talk to him about it. He can't read your mind. He won't know that you crave other things unless you tell him. I realize you are scared you might make him uncomfortable but you've been with him for 4 years, I think he's committed to you and I don't think he's bolt out the gate. He'll listen and digest it before making any sort of decision. Give him the benefit of the doubt. You said the two of you have good communication about other things so use those same skills to talk about sex and your desires.

Here are some ways to suggest adding kink to your sex life:

• Have a share your fantasies night and talk about things that are a fantasy for you. This will spur you and your partner on for possible exploration.
• Suggest having a this for that game. Reveal something that you've always wanted to try but didn't feel comfortable until now to share. Tell them that if they would give it a try that you'd do something they've secretly wanted to try.
• Read kinky erotica together and comment on the parts that are making you excited.
• Leave a BDSM related book on the table open to a page that has something you'd like to try it and see if he notices it (or even reads it and volunteers!)

You might also like the following article from Submissive Guide on working with the man you have.