Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

Tequila Rose is a full time slave who recently relocated to Germany to be with her Master. She has been in the lifestyle since her early twenties and continues to learn more about the lifestyle and being a slave. She now spends her days learning her new language and wandering the streets of Dortmund. You can contact her via email:

6 responses to “Your Kink is Not my Kink – Understanding Other People’s Kinks”

  1. Princess Eve

    Yes, yes, yes. I have dealt with your first example myself on FetLife. I was viciously attacked by someone for mentioning–in passing–that my Master makes the choices about my hair (the way it is cut and styled, etc). I was really taken aback. But since then I’ve discovered it is a pretty common phenomenon.

    My Master and I are not out to friends or family–nor do with think it is a step we ever need to take–but we do not actively hide the non-sexual aspects of our dynamic. Friends know who is in charge. I don’t discuss punishment with them, but they know there are things he decides and things for which I have to ask permission before doing. I phrase it a bit differently (I don’t believe in non-consensually including others in our kink), but the dynamic is pretty clear. Interestingly, I have encountered far less judgment from vanilla friends (in fact, almost none) than I have from within the kink community.

    Every 24/7 relationship is different. Some choose not to include micromanagement. Awesome for them. But that doesn’t invalidate the relationship dynamic between my Master and me. Like you, I also have to ask permission for Starbucks (or anything else with sugar)…plus many other things. I don’t see how that is anyone’s business but ours.

    I’m happy to leave others to enjoy whatever kinks give them pleasure as long as no one is harmed without consent. I deserve the same consideration from them.

  2. hiskitty

    tequilarose, thanks so much for these words of insite. both me and my big daddy were new to this lifestyle and we are making it into what is comfortable for us. we have spoken at length about what we are comfortable with and what we are finding is working for us. we try somethings and if they don’t work we don’t do those again and sometimes we find it is a great hit for both of us. but we keep steady communication between the two of us cause we fully recognized what was good for some wasn’t good for us and what might not work for others are working for us. I was disappointed when I asked a question on a different site and I had several replies that were negative but I am learning just like with everything else in life whether in a BDSM relationship or a vanilla relationship im not going to allow anyone else’s opinion on how they think my relationship should go. we have found what works for us and loving it. our kink is not their kink but uniquely ours.

  3. pinksubgeek

    Thank you for this post, tequilarose. It was poignant and completely relatable.

    I have attended two kinky events and I probably won’t ever attend another. But at one event a fellow submissive made a comment that always struck me. The conversation had turned to someone who had drilled a needle through his slave’s breast. Everyone in the room cringed, but this sub stood up and said that while this was something she would never do, clearly someone was into it. It was not her place to judge. She supported them for what they were into, but she was glad it wasn’t her kink.

    I think that’s important for all of us. We have no place to judge others. And other people need to respect us for what we’re into.

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