Hi! My partner and I are both fairly inexperienced in D/s, and we haven't quite got the hang of how to do a scene. As she says; "I can tie you up alright, but then what?" It's hard for her to know what to do, and it's hard for me to know exactly what I want. We've been trying on our own for a while, but it's more complicated than we'd expected. Do you have any tips, useful links/books, or a how-to of sorts that could be followed step by step for our first try? Thanks :)

Hello there,

Being new to kink is an exciting time and you are right, it can feel overwhelming. I don't have a step by step guide for how to have a scene simply because there are so many options available and are dependent on what you both enjoy.

What I can suggest are ways you can come up with ideas of what to do together.

Watch BDSM porn.

You can learn a lot of how a scene can flow, different activities you can do and how hot some of them can be. I highly suggest the porn from Kink.com (affiliate link).

Read BDSM fiction.

Tequilarose has shared several fiction book reviews on the site that are a good starting point. You'll get romance and kink mixed together which could be a good place to get ideas for what to do in a scene. Check all the reviews.

Use Google.com.

I know, this seems like a cop out, but honestly, it is one of the best search engines out there. Typing in what to when my partner is tied up nets me 20 million results. Enjoy browsing.

Go to a local munch group.

Talking to others about kink can help spark your creative juices for your own play. And you could make friends in the process. It's a win-win. Head to FindaMunch.com to find your local community.

Enjoy exploring.

This one should go without saying, but what if the tying up is all you do? Is there something wrong with that? Nope, not one bit. There doesn't have to be an "and then what" part to play. If you pick one thing and do it, that's a scene. End with sex or cuddling doesn't matter as long as you both have had fun and experimented.