Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

blyss started her journey in the Lifestyle community openly in the late 90s and hasn't looked back since. She’s a Lifestyle educator; was interviewed for and featured in the Lifestyle documentary Kinky that has been screened in film festivals country wide, most notably at Cinekink. Her fortes are cooking and other domestic services She can be found on: FetLife - charmedblyss Twitter - @charmedblyss

26 responses to “Back Off Bitches! Feeling Territorial and Jealousy as a Slave”

  1. sub

    His_Libation

    I really enjoyed your thoughts on jealousy, I can identify with many of the nuances. In some ways it seems you regard Jealousy as a Evil Mistress who you slay with your confidence and bravado, and at other times you refer to the ally status of jealousy almost like it cheerleads you on towards being a better sub. Interesting, which one do you feel most often?
    If you use the power contained within jealousy in a seductive and teasing way, that is clever of you, but it is a tricky emotion and sometimes its best to not cry wolf, as in if something doesnt make me reaaaally jealous then I won’t mention it, so the times I do, my Dom knows that I am already struggling with acceptance or have nagging questions. I think a Dom also needs to be aware of a subs tolerance to certain things, and triggers – sometimes it can be disguised as territorial but is no difference to insecurity..how can a sub claim to own the D?

  2. Dominus Brooklyn

    Hello to all, charmed blyss, his_libation,

    I must say at his_libation, your description of how you use jealousy as a positive vs a negative in your relationship is one of the sexiest things I’ve ever heard. As a Dominus, in TPE poly-relationships, learning my craft over the past 8 yrs, I have been faced with jealous subs many, many times, and in many different ways. Jealousy has been the ruin of some of those relationships. To give a little bit more perspective into my experience, in the past, my subs have ranged from only having a high school education to PhD, from young 22 yrs of age – mid 40′s, waitresses to fortune 500 business women, from vanilla to experience subs and everything in between; because I look for… what I refer to as “sophisticated sexiness”, in a sub of my choosing.

    Jealousy is a subject most don’t dare to speak of, because they don’t know what to do with it. A lot of Masters struggle with this very strong emotion I am sure! his_libation, I agree that most who touch on the subject speak of jealousy as a negative vs a positive, based on lack of strength and insecurities. Furthermore, I agree that most jealousy stems from a place of insecurities or a selfish place, vs passion and true love for the subject.

    Perhaps instead of lumping all jealousy together, maybe it would be wiser to break it down into two respects. Good jealousy and then bad jealousy. Most people choose to not speak of the “Elephant” in the room. That is not a good way to handle the natural emotion of jealousy either.

    As a teacher who has helped many subs confront their jealousy, successfully or not, I must admit that it was very refreshing to hear how through your “unique method” you manage to embrace your jealousy and then use it to serve your Master and deepen your submission to Him. This demonstrates a very strong mental state. The standard solution for a person fighting with jealousy has been what, confront your insecurities, let go and embrace compersion. Correct? Often times this path only leads to the average sub learning to hide their jealousy deep down, and not truly dealing with it on a core level. Many subs just learn to deal with it or ignore the pain and heartache that stems from their jealousy for the better good of the relationship. Not dealing with jealousy on a core level is no good. In my experience, no matter how much one talks about it, eventually the jealous emotions experienced by the sub, erupts unexpectedly and violently again and again over time. his_libation, your approach offers a creative alternative method to help get positive “control” over jealousy by going with the natural flow of your jealous emotions and using that energy wisely to further empower the relationship as a whole.

    In conclusion, I believe that jealousy is a natural emotion. There are examples of it all throughout the animal kingdom, unchanged by man. Just watch a pride of lions on the Discovery channel and you will see pure jealousy and compersion expressed. Both methods I have discussed are hard. Either way, psychologically no matter which of these two solutions one chooses to explore, it takes a very mentally strong person (sub… or Dom, male or female) to positively get “control” over “negative” jealousy; so that it does not effect the relationship. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and never hesitate or think twice about sharing.

    charmed blyss, thank you for this website, the insight through your articles, and reader comments. Our community grows by having open conversations like this and embracing each persons opinions in a safe environment. Bravo.

    Much respect,
    Dominus Brooklyn

  3. His_Libation

    Hey sub – thank you for your comment – I’m glad my insights were useful food for thought! I love how you put it – The Evil Mistress for slay, and a cheerleader. That adds even more to the thought!

    Jealousy almost always comes to me as the uncomfortable, biting feeling – first and foremost.

    I think I lean mostly towards identifying that I’ve noted some kind of personal iniquity, and putting it on the list of things I would like to work on (the cheerleader).

    And then there are things I will never be, but still wish I could – so the new challenge to remember all of the things that make me uniquely belonging to and serving my Master – that no one else could give to him the things that I do, the way that I do. (The Evil Mistress.) A friend of mine read my take on it, and actually named her jealousy Athena – Goddess of wisdom and war. She blew my mind with her expounding. You can read her writing here: – Her blog blows my mind, it’s my absolute favorite. She is someone I hope to be like when I am her age.

    I am lucky to have a Dom who loves nothing more than to hear me talk, lol. He is just as possessive and logical all at once as well. It makes us both feel treasured and protected when we talk about these things. I watch his eyes when we are out, and am usually disappointed when he is unfazed by some hot ass walking by, or when I learn that he really is a gentleman in head and heart, and doesn’t have that “man brain” turned on half as much as I would think he does. But if I so much as see another female look at him twice in some kind of way, I am all over it, lol. He knows how closely I watch, and he absolutely loves it. For us, it’s a big topic in our relationship and always a source of fun and desire.

  4. kelly

    i am struggling with this. mostly because our relationship is long-distance/online. If there are others in the same dynamic and can offer advice it would be greatly appreciated.

  5. Misty

    blyss,

    Just wondering where your degree is from? What is your imperical data gathered from?

    Please don’t pass off your opinions for science.

    Mystique

  6. Misty

    blyss,

    Oh, one more thing, when I stopped being jealous in my last relationship, I knew it was time to divorce. I knew I no longer cared who or what he was doing.

    Jealousy is as clever and complicated as any emotion and for you to trivialize it is an insult.

    Mystique

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