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lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on lunaKM.me, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

4 responses to “Understanding Safe Words for Safe Play”

  1. Nacht Engel

    The inherent problem with safewords is that,as you say, if someone has lost the ability for coherent thought they are less likely to remember. And far less likely to use something like “red” which obviously requires much more effort to recall than to say a simple “no” or “stop”. And furthermore if someone is that far gone they may not be able to vocalise at all. That is why a good dominant should be carefully monitoring the submissive, watching her skin tone, breathing; pulse etc and perempt any distress before the use of a safeword becomes necessary. In my opinion Any dom who can’t tell the different between a mock “no” or “stop” and a real sign of distress isn’t safe to play with. I would consider it a personal failure of my duty of care if anyone ever has to use a safeword with me as it means I have failed to monitor there welfare properly – unless it’s because of something beyond my control or something I couldn’t reasonably be expected to detect such as muscle cramp or numbness. Although safewords have their place they shouldn’t be depended on too much and a contrived safeword is no substitute for trust and careful monitoring.

  2. Chrissy4605

    I don’t play often but when I do I use the Red, Yellow, Green. Red means STOP! Yellow means slow down some. Green means go ahead. I am lucky to have known this gentleman I play with for most of a decade.

  3. Nacht Engel

    I m curious. For those who use the traffic light system do you seriously ever use green for go? I mean I can see how stopping the action with red could be useful in some circumstances. And at a stretch slowing it down with yellow but I would find it seriously off putting if someone was moaning “green,green,green, oh my god, Greeeennn! GREEEEEN!” When they were enjoying what I was doing. I think that would become my safe word and make me stop. ;-). Or maybe you use it to restart the action after having cried Red. But why. The whole point of red is to stop the scene so you are no longer in the mode. What’s wrong with “Ok I’m fine now but please don’t of that again and can you take it easy at first!”

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