Dear lunaKM,

I've always loved the idea of BDSM and even had a couple of rough partners. However, I'm only just stepping into the Consideration stage of my first D/s relationship. Sir and I have had many conversations about limits, preferences, titles, the dynamic of the relationship, our responsibilities to each other, etc etc.... I've also been reading a lot from here (which has been a huge help; thank you! ) He has promised to only step into things as I become comfortable with them, but I still find myself nervous at times. It's thrilling because I've always wanted it, but now it's very... real. Any advice?

Hello Nervous Beginner,

It's perfectly okay to be nervous, everyone goes through it. Nervousness doesn't mean you are unsure with what's going on, it can be a positive response also. Take some antacids if you need to, learn some breathing exercises and relax into your new experience as best you can. The more you try the less nervous you will become.

It does sound like you have had the important conversations and you feel comfortable with him so that's good. Being well informed with whatever the next step is that he is going to take you on should help you release your anxiety even more.

If you need a support system there is a community here on Submissive Guide and also FetLife has a few safe spots for new submissives to learn and explore and make friends. Good luck.

 

Dear lunaKM,

Hi there! I'm a submissive who, if you'd like to label me I'm a kitty girl. My question is how does one go about making a contract, as in, is there a form I can use?  I have seen the one in fifty shades and... Ugh? I mostly want to do this because both my Master and i are newish to this and whilst I am a natural sub Master needs a bit of help. Mew.  We've been together for over a decade but this is a new exciting facet added to our relationship. We also have a Kitten (kid) and so it needs to be toned down during the day. -committed cat

Dear committed cat,

A contract is a special written document that declares what your responsibilities in the D/s relationship are. Some of the prettiest contracts I've seen are written like wedding vows. There are many contract templates and examples to go off of, but I strongly suggest you write something that means something to the two of you. It's not a legal document so you can write it any way you want. A contract should never have items in it that could change, like rules. Here's an article about how to use contracts to negotiate a D/s relationship.

 

Dear lunaKM,

I think I am interested in the BDSM lifestyle, but I'm unsure where to start. I can't ask any friends for fear of being ridiculed or losing them (I only have a small friend group who are very accepting but I don't want to take the risk) and I am legal, but not old enough for fetlife and I am just confused and stumbled across here. I understand if you think I'm too young and don't wish to answer, but I thought that there was no harm in trying.

Dear under 18,

If you aren't old enough for FetLife I can't talk much with you either. I suggest you watch my video about how I respond to questions from underage persons. It might help you with some of your questions.