Dear lunaKM,

Is it ok for my Master to tell me he loves me? I express my love for him daily which he approves of.. He always tells me he likes me a lot but did make a comment the other day that he worried if he told me he loved me that he would lose the control he has over me .. I have read up and have found mixed answers and am turning to you for guidance.  We have been in a relationship for 14 years ... Thank you for your help

Dear okay to love,

That depends. He's expressed why he feels telling you he loves you would jeopardize his control. A few Dominants have concern that their emotions will get in the way of his authority over you. Most people need love but expressing it isn't a necessity. So, is it okay if he tells you he loves you? Sure it is. But it's okay to him that he doesn't either. It sounds like he feels that love and other emotions will cloud his authority or that you won't see his control the same way. It's really his call on how comfortable he is in his role and the relationship.

What you should ask yourself is if it's okay to you that he doesn't. You've been with him for 14 years so from my viewpoint, things are going just fine as they are. Is expressing love important to you?  Do you need him to tell you that he loves you for the relationship to continue? Only you can answer that.

Dear lunaKM,

Good Day.. First I would like to say how much I enjoy reading your page. I find it very much satisfying knowing there is somewhere I can find things that I am searching answers too! I've met a Dom online and we have begun our journey together. He lives a couple hundred miles away from me and we have discussed many things.. My question is about "Collaring" I'm still not clear on why this is done and what role I am submitting too! I know I should ask him. He told me that when we do met for the first time, I will present him with the collar of my choosing and int return He  will take my panties. I'm not familiar with this and anything I research online doesn't explain this.

I am new to the lifestyle and he is aware of that and has not said i am to be a slave.. so I have some confusion regarding this subject. Any help you can send along would be great. I live in an area where there are no places to go chat with other submissives and have no one to talk to regarding my questions. I understand it may take some time for an answer regarding this.

Dear novice,

Collaring can mean different things to people. It can mean that you are ready for playtime and are going to submit for play all the way up to the level of a marriage commitment. You can read a really good article here about collaring. So my suggestion is to find out from him what the collaring means for him. The panties thing it a personal choice. He probably just wants you vulnerable and taking your panties does that. There's no "only way" things are done so he's going to have to be your fountain of knowledge as far as a relationship with him.

As far as being new to the lifestyle and submission you've started on a long and exciting road but you have a lot of reading and journeying ahead of you. I suggest you sign up for my free course on getting started and see what questions I can answer for you there.

Dear lunaKM,

I know I jumped too fast into a relationship with this Dom.  The first session was ok and different than what I thought it would be.  The second was very different than the first. He did things to me that he knew I didn't want to try. It turned out ok, but I didn't like the fact that he did it anyway even after I told him, I didn't want to try.  The last time was actually good.  He didn't push me too far, but there was no aftercare.  I want to know how do I tell him, that I don't want to see him anymore.  It seems that he doesn't care about me, just what I can do for him.

Dear too fast,

I'm sorry things didn't go well with you and it definitely sounds like he's raised a few red flags about your care, your needs and respecting your limits. Any sort of relationship has similar ways out. Just because he is a Dominant doesn't negate the fact that he's a guy and you are in a relationship with him. You tell him that you don't think you are compatible after all. It's that simple. Now, whether it is simple for you or not is another matter. Everyone has to deal with breakups at some point, it is never easy. But for your safety and wellbeing I hope that you find the strength to tell him it's over.