Dear lunaKM,

I really would like to go to some kink events. The problem is that I'm very shy. I also have an unreasonable fear of the unknown. Can you give a brief description of some different kinds of events? What happens there? What kinds of people do you meet? What kind of interaction is expected from attendees, if any? That kind of thing. Maybe if I knew more of what to expect, I wouldn't feel so intimidated.

Dear intimidated,

There are many different events you can attend so I suggest you start with the smaller ones and work your way up by comfort level. Munches are the first level. They are gatherings in a vanilla setting, usually a restaurant and you just chat and eat a meal with people. It's main purpose is to get to know others and socialize. Some munches also have demonstrations or presentations but they generally announce them so watch for that.  You'll meet a wide variety or people at any event you attend. I like to give the example, "stand in the produce area of your grocery store for 10 mins. Notice the huge variety of people shopping? That's the kind of people you'll see at a kink gathering."

There are a few articles here on the site that should help you understand munches a bit more.

 

Dear lunaKM,

As a sub, I'm having a hard time balancing out work and coming home. I always seem to be moody when I come home and that's from working and yet when I'm at work I seem to be happy because I force myself to greet customers. Is there any way I could balance this out to where I am more happier to see and greet Master? As well as leaving work as I come home?

I also heard that wearing a collar that doesn't look obvious would actually keep me in check and remind me of who I belong to - does that seem like it would work?

-DM

Hello DM,

I've written about this very topic before in a post titled, " Leaving Work at the Door: How to Find the Mindset Once You Are Both Home" that will give you ideas of how to reset your mind and find your better mood when you get home.

As far as wearing a collar, only you can say if it will help you. For some, it doesn't do the reminder function well. For others it works beautifully to be able to reach up and touch it or see it in the mirror and remember how you should be. If you can, give it a try.

 

Dear lunaKM,

Hi I am very new and want to be a 24/7 totally controlled slave but every avenue I take to find my owner turns out horribly. They are either fake or  they are just straight up liars really only wanting a one night stand or just a chance to beat a someone. How do you find the right one? How can I tell who is real? I need help I'm tired of playing games.

Dear tired of games,

I understand that it can be exhausting trying to find a partner that is interested in kink, let alone all the other things you want. Patience is something in short supply in this gotta have it now culture but I have to remind you that falling in love and finding your mate is not a quick process. It can take years. I don't know where you are searching, but you need to go where the Dominants are; go to munches, conventions or social networks like FetLife. Then when you know what you want, really know, you can put up a dating profile online or start dating in your local BDSM community.

What I recommend is that you try to enjoy the process. You'll meet a lot of interesting (and annoying) people in your search. Good luck.