This chat occurred on 10/1/13 in the Submissive Guide Chat room.

~lunaKM: alright, let's get going Hello and welcome to another chat night here on Submissive Guide. Please feel free to talk about the subject whenever a thought comes to mind, this is not a moderated talk and you do not have to ask permission to speak or ask a question. Please be courteous to others and do not private message them without permission in public chat first. Dominants are welcome in the chat but are reminded that this is not a pick up chat room. \ Name tip: to easily type someone’s name, start with a few letters and then press the TAB key. It will auto fill it out for you. Let’s start with introductions. Share whatever you feel comfortable sharing; age, experience level, the labels you apply to your submission (sub, slave, pet, etc.) and a general location you are talking to us from. froggyKM: Hi I'm froggyKM! I am owned and collared by KnyghtMare, as his bitch and submissive, and in a poly group with lunaKM. I'm 34 and live in Iowa. I've been involved in the lifestyle 8 years now, and still learning everyday! ~lunaKM: Hi folks. I'm lunaKM. I'm slave to KnyghtMare and have been in the lifestyle for 10 years. I'm a poly group with froggyKM. I live in Iowa, US. inquisitiveme: HI, I'm 44, a switch, I'm in Florida. I've been in the lifestyle for just over a year. ~lunaKM: It'll be 9 years with KM on the 7th folks, wohoo juliet: I am 28, Washington DC area, I am new to this, about 1 year in a relationship, I consider myself submissive miscie: hello im miscie. i am 40+ lol. i am a submissive and have been in the lifestyle for 4 years now. i liv3e in texas for another 3 weeks then i will be moving to pennsylvania. shiloh_GB: I'm shiloh. I've been married forever, but since the kids have left the house, we have decided to take our relationship a bit further into D/s, so I guess you could say I'm a newbie sub. I like in Oklahoma newsub: I'm 52 from North Carolina, I'm very new....several months and I think I'm a sub at the monment inspirerae: I'm Rae, 43 slave to my Master for 17 years and been married for 22. We are in Austin TX froggyKM: time flies when you're having fun, right lunaKM? tdest: 55, sub about a year. Southeast US ~lunaKM: welcome welcome! and yes froggyKM :) everyone introduced themselves that wanted to? froggyKM: i think sweetness is still typing sweetness: I'm in the 50+ range new to the lifestyle just entered into my first D/s relationship ~lunaKM: yeah I can't see when people are typing :D Nice to meet everyone Also, I try to do chat transcripts of every topical chat, do you want this chat night to be saved as a transcript? froggyKM: glad i could help please please please!!!! newsub: I would love it miscie: sure ~lunaKM: ok, sounds like a yes. I'll post it on the site in the next week or so :) Welcome to another topical chat at Submissive Guide. Tonight we’ll talk about talking dirty. Let’s start out by defining dirty talk. What is it? shiloh_GB: anything you wouldn't say in front of your mother...lol. At least for me. froggyKM: terms of endearment to produce sexual arrousal! ~lunaKM: lol, good thought there miscie: something i cannot seem to do uuuggghhhh inspirerae: words to heighten sexual pleasure before and during sexual intercourse ~lunaKM: that's okay miscie, some people have issues with dirty talk, and that's why we're talking about it! welcome Krieg13 juliet: Dirty talk= that awkward thing I try to do on occasion. :) ~lunaKM: chuckles shiloh_GB: lol juliet inquisitiveme: I'm with Juliet Krieg13: Thank you lunaKM. Glad to be back ~lunaKM: All good definitions. Dirty talk is the use of taboo words and phrases to heighten sexual arousal and talk about sexual scenarios. shiloh_GB: it never comes naturally to me either. love when he does it, but takes me out of the moment to try and talk dirty to him ~lunaKM: According to KM I'm really good at it :D hello brattyredsub, wb mimmy juliet: Same here shiloh_GB ~lunaKM: For most people, dirty talk is a turn on. Why does it turn people on? Why does it turn you on? brattyredsub: hi everyone! inquisitiveme: The taboo for me Hi brattyredsub shiloh_GB: i like the mental imagery... knowing what he is doing or about to do to me. ~lunaKM: alright, the taboo is good. The vulnerable feeling you get from talking about your intimate moments and desires. newsub: let's me be the dirty little slut in my fantasy juliet: Same here, because you're not supposed to, I like when he calls me names. sweetness: it is easier to do on line then in person. inquisitiveme: Oh yes......I can sext pretty good. But in person....it's harder. brattyredsub: it is a mind thing for me I like being told what to do miscie: see for me its the opposite. i cannot seem to say things online without sounding like a goof. shiloh_GB: that's how we build anticipation inquisitiveme , and i'm horriible at it in person brattyredsub: the anticipation of the act the thrill of doing what he wants just gets me everytime ~lunaKM: Erotic talk is for both partners - while we often see or hear that one partner or another dominates with dirty talk, anyone can learn some of it . Does dirty talk seem to be a dominant or submissive activity or is it universal? froggyKM: it can be universal brattyredsub: universal for sure!!!! inquisitiveme: universal shiloh_GB: universal sweetness: I'm with universal froggyKM: for me i'm afraid of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time or afraid it will be taken out of context ~lunaKM: taken out of context? do you dirty talk in times apart from sexy moments? juliet: For us it's a dominant thing that he usually does, but I know he would like it if I chimed in more. He asks me to tell him what I want/like on occasion (When he's playing nice) ~lunaKM: For those of you really uncomfortable with the use of words, where do you go to find the words used in dirty talk? froggyKM: taken out of context: it may only be a fantasy, but nothing i would want in real life inquisitiveme: I pull a lot of stuff from porn. sweetness: i like to use things that have double meanings. juliet: never considered researching it... just kind of go with the moment. ~lunaKM: porn can be a good or bad place, some of the stuff I've tried from hearing it in porn makes him laugh inquisitiveme: that's exactly why I can't do it in person....I will laugh at myself. juliet: Do you get embarrassed when he laughs? ~lunaKM: Pornography - if the actors aren’t talking you can describe the scene yourself , hehe. I love to do this. Just mute it and talk away inquisitiveme: But it gives me some ideas. I practice. I feel sexting is a good practice to take part in. ~lunaKM: not really, he just tells me afterwards when we aren't doing things to not use the phrase again and I don't. sexting is good practice and it's a lot easier to type instead of saying directly to their face. Romance and erotica - make note of super sexy words and phrases shiloh_GB: usually all I can manage when he asks me to talk to him is one word replied. Yes. No. Yeah. Good. Hmm, etc.. froggyKM: i have a hard time explaining things without beating around the bush and creating more questions out of the statement ~lunaKM: heh, that's a start shiloh_GB ok, so are you uncomfortable talking about your body or what you want directly? inquisitiveme: If a man asks me questions....leads me in the dirty talk...it is much easier for me. But if he expects me to talk away...forget it. shiloh_GB: and I know what he really wants but hasn't demanded yet is for me to tell him exactly what I want or how I'm feeling. ~lunaKM: I highly recommend the book Exhibitionism for the Shy by Carol Queen. I’ve reviewed it on the website too if you want a more detailed review of it. There are 2 chapters that deal with dirty talk and how to open up to vocalizations. So, let's get into how to practice and improve our use of dirty talk :P froggyKM: oooo do we get to practice here? now? ~lunaKM: You can practice alone, when not thinking about sex - like chores or driving. Start by just saying the words that you choke on or can't say. This is good for when you feel like the words are your sticking point. shiloh_GB: lol froggy. she said how to practice... froggyKM: darnit! LOL shiloh_GB: ;) ~lunaKM: This is good because you start to de-stigmatize the words and remove some of the sensitive nature of them. Making them more natural part of your speech. So, the words and phrases you've heard in porn or read in romance novels or in Penthouse Letters can you be said aloud while driving in your car :D brattyredsub: Hey I am sure if you want to talk dirty here none of us will mind? froggyKM froggyKM: hehehehe shiloh_GB: I wouldn't mind examples.. lol froggyKM: maybe we can do it after the formal chat? ~lunaKM: Then, the next step is to take it to the bedroom and start saying the words aloud while you masturbate. And if you have a masturbation rule, I bet yoru Dom would let you practice your dirty talk if you asked :P Arousal comes easier when you are comfortable - practicing will make it easier to use them during play with your partner too. froggyKM: KnyghtMare got a new headset!!!!!!! i see where this is going! ~lunaKM: Well, I bet we can guess that once we start getting comfortable doing it solo what the next step is... Talkign to your partner and getting comfortable using words with them, but you don't have to jump right to dirty talk. Read romance novels or short erotic stories to each other Tell stories or your fantasies Use the words you are comfortable with at first, but each time you tell them make them more dirty Phone sex or sexting with them is good practice because they aren't in the same room froggyKM: ???? ~lunaKM: what? froggyKM: what happens when you start talking dirty about a fantasy that would only turn myself on and would turn him off? ~lunaKM: hopefully he's receptive to at least hearing it. not all dirty talk will work in the same way with both parties froggyKM: ok so i know what would happen, but how do you compromise? ~lunaKM: you always have the next time to make it work for them. inquisitiveme: What are you compromising on? Your fantasies? Or what is said? ~lunaKM: I would hope not, just compromising on making them hot froggyKM: not the fantasies, but more this time is for me and the next time is for him, if that is what's needed? how do you have that conversation? ~lunaKM: You say hey KM, I'd like to tell you a hot story that might not be exciting for you but it will turn me on for you to hear it. is that cool? inquisitiveme: that sounds good to me :-) froggyKM: ok i'll have to think about it, with my new training i'm doing, i'll simply have to talk to him i guess ~lunaKM: good plan Ok, an odd but successful practice and research place is the 900 numbers. Call a phone sex hotline adn talk with the person on the other end. Tell them that you'd like to learn and maybe practice your dirty talk for your partner, they'll have loads of tips and tricks for you and you can practice with a professional :) inquisitiveme: That's a great idea. I have a friend here in our local bdsm group who used to be a phone sex operator. She wrote a book on it. I have read some of it...I need to read more. I need to talk to her! ~lunaKM: Yes that's a good plan inquisitiveme Now, most women arent' sure what sounds sexy so we don't say anything at all or use one word responses. But the sexiest words a man can hear are "I'm coming." It gives them a sense of power and accomplishment froggyKM: hmmmm never thought of that before ~lunaKM: Alright so, even if you don't think the words are coming out well there are a few things that can help you shine your best. First, adjust your voice. Turn on your sultry whisper. No one wants to hear dirty talk in the same voice as "Take out the trash!" Second, body language is an even more powerful form of speech. Leave the goofy grins out. Half lidded eyes, puckered lips and a wanton look work great with a few naughty words. And lastly, start with compliments. They come out easier than taboo words and our partners love to hear what you like about their body. Did I lose everyone? inquisitiveme: I'm here juliet: Nope. That last one is great, good starting point. inquisitiveme: Those are great ~lunaKM: Ok, so questions, thoughts? newsub: I'm still here Krieg13: No I'm here. sweetness: I'm here also miscie: me too newsub: I think it is getting the mindset and practice ~lunaKM: yeah, it really is practice, practice inquisitiveme: I like the idea of talking dirty while masturbating juliet: I have to go. I look forward to reading the rest of the chat in the transcript, it's getting late on the east coast. Thank you! ~lunaKM: Yes, hearing you say those words would probably heighten your arousal during masturbation too tc juliet inquisitiveme: agreed brattyredsub: like I said in he beginning of the chat it is a mind thing you have to have the right mindset miscie: i have problems when we're online or texting and He puts me on the spot by instructing me to talk dirty. i freeze up and get silent...my brain turns off completely. any suggestions. ~lunaKM: You have to clear your mind that the words are taboo, and make them acceptable to you yeah miscie, start with those compliments tell him what you enjoy best about what he does to you sweetness: for me it is easier texting, in person i turn shy and quiet miscie: never thought of that. talking about Him might really help. thanks luna inquisitiveme: I've got to get to going also. Thank you so much for the Chat lunaKM! I hope to make it to some more. Nite everyone ~lunaKM: tc inquisitiveme froggyKM: I'm back Krieg13: Yeah I have those problems too. I have a million thoughts a day, but when something like this comes up, everything goes silent in my mind. ~lunaKM: you could start writing those thoughts down when you get them That is for tonight’s discussion. I hope you picked up some new tips and thoughts from it. I’ll be here until 9:30 my time (another 30 mins) so we can talk about anything that’s on your mind. newsub: thank you everyone. Gives me something to think about and practice miscie: me too thanks everyone Krieg13: Yeah, but I'm usally so busy that I don't think about it. work and all froggyKM: ok so here's a good question i might need some help with sweetness: thanks everyone you have given me somethings to think and work on. froggyKM: issue: talking dirty without sounding demanding while begging miscie: good one froggyKM...ive wondered about that myself sweetness: try putting into a story froggyKM: in the middle of having sex? ~lunaKM: Use a lot of the word please and if he says no, let it go brattyredsub: I always so may I front of most of what I say so it gives him the control and I don't sound demanding newsub: try using them as compliments..."oh yea...I like it __________" KnyghtMare: let it go! froggyKM: yes Master brattyredsub: in front sorry when begging I always so please and I don't always get what I want but please and May I go a long way ~lunaKM: jsut cause you dont' get it doesn't mean it wasn't hot to hear you say it ;) brattyredsub: say not so my keyboard tonight is not working Krieg13: You're asking for permission. That's it brattyredsub: Yeah asking while talking dirty is fun! example May I suck your cock Sir? froggyKM: Thanks for the suggestions! Next week same time free chat with froggyKM! ~lunaKM: woohoo! there is a bonus chat this month too since there are 5 tuesdays froggyKM: yay! ~lunaKM: heheh Krieg13: More learning time