Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

Kallista is an English teacher and author; she and her Dom dated for a year before they made the choice to begin actively exploring the D/s aspects that had begun to take shape in their relationship.

4 responses to “Developing Effective Communication in Long Distance Relationships”

  1. subtoJB

    Thank you, kallista, for this very well written and erudite exploration of communication in a long distance D/s relationship. My Dom and I live in different (albeit neighboring) countries and there is a one hour difference in time zones. We communicate throughout the day via email, and I wholeheartedly agree that making sure that there is regular communication all day is critical. In fact, Sir can deduce that there is a problem on my end if he doesn’t hear from me for a long period of time during the day (unless we have discussed that our day is going to be busy in advance).

    This brings me to something that I have found to be invaluable. Because we are separated by the distance, every piece of communication is critical in our relationship. I have found great value in sending along a simple “you’re on my mind” or even a *hug* during a long day. The message is simple, but the value is great.

    I look forward to your next article in this series!

  2. Dom Amator

    Decades ago I dabbled in simple “light bondage” with a number of women. I liked it, and I found that every woman whom I did so with, did too. And I’ve certainly been aware of BDSM generally, even before the internet. But it seems that for me, over the years that fewer and fewer female contacts even wanted to have conventional sex, let along “kinky.” They wanted a conventional love relationship to slowly develop before even thinking of having sex, let alone “kinky” stuff.

    As of Spring 2014, an amazing set of circumstances: A mutual male friend connected me with a woman that lives in Santa Fe, NM. I live in Florida. I had written a sexual novella; two female readers never spoke to me again after sending it to them. Not even BDSM, just very, very sexual. Well, not only did “Sophia Aguas” speak to me, email me and phone me, we almost instantly clicked on dom/sub relationships. She has been there for a number of years while my own desires were on idle.

    Nothing I propose, nothing I say, nothing I write (pretty damned well) fantasies about us turns her off. Quite the opposite. She is most certainly my sub. I have never, ever felt so free as I do with her. Nothing is off limits.

    The good news is that she will visit me in less than two weeks. The bad news remains, we are 2500 miles apart until I make some pending anyway geographical changes. Then we’ll be “only” eleven car hours apart.

    She and I have talked a lot about why so many women want to be, or still need to discover that they want to be submissives. Your site warmly explores this topic. I thank you.

    Here is what she wrote in one of our early emails: ” Premise: Masculine is Active, Feminine is Receptive. Perfect set up for S&M, but in real life what has happened is the Active masculine has no direction and the Receptive feminine does not understand the power inherent in surrender. I think in martial arts they teach you how to fall, so you will not get hurt. Part of that training is to not resist, surrender and then you can transform the momentum to your advantage. Women need to embrace the purpose of their power and men need to realize they become more powerful with a willing partner.”

    Am I a lucky man, or what?


  3. sub trainee

    I am new to this lifestyle and exploring it long distance. Everything is going great and Master is very creative. My question to you is do you have any advise on how to communicate with Master with out sounding bratty or sound like I am complaining? For example Master has been holding back on letting me orgasm for a few days and having me tease myself. I would tell him “you are driving me nuts Master” or “you’re killing me Master”. I’m saying this to Master to let him know that he is succeeding with his goal but I think it might be coming across wrong. Should I just not say anything and just say yes Master or Thank you Master? Any suggestions would be appreciated.

    slave in training

  4. Submissive Queen

    @sub trainee, as a submissive with a long distance Dom, when I am in a situation like yours, I ask if I may speak freely. If he grants me permission (which he usually does unless as a punishment), I voice any questions freely and ask him for input, how he would like me to word things differently, if he has an idea on how I can express myself in a way that will please him, etc. While I have been a submissive for 5 years, my current Dom is new to the lifestyle and by doing this we can learn together. Each relationship is different, so I believe asking your Master would be the best course of action to know for sure.

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