Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

Ted_subby is a 49 year old submissive to his monogamous dominant wife of over a dozen years. On his male submission web page at he posts fictional stories as well as a blog of his experiences with his dominant wife. Feel free to message him on FetLife or e-mail.

24 responses to “Male submission – Financial Domination”

  1. rocco

    cant help it,want to be a dog train to act like a dog in everyway own me just wear a dog coller I cant explane it,

  2. ted_subby

    @rocco, that sounds like fun to me.

    You might want to login to and find one of the many pet play groups (type in pet play in the search box). If they accept classified ads you might even find someone to train you.

    There are also many other web sites, if you google search for pet play that will probably get you several web hits.

    Here is a link to a good article on The Submissive Guide about pet play:

  3. Andrew

    If you look around, you’ll find that the vast majority of ‘FinDoms’ are in fact—only in it for the money. I have no problem with a submissive giving up his money, or control over his finances, as a means to facilitate power exchange; after all, money is power. However, I think the majority of transactions, and the people involved, are doing nothing different than what a professional Dominatrix ordinarily does. He pays her money, and she fulfills his kink so he can get off.

    Power exchange is something that only really happens in a relationship, not a session. Yes, there is some power exchange going on during a session, but it is well defined, short lived, and benefits both parties equally. There is a tit-for-tat dynamic there that doesn’t exist in lifestyle domination.

  4. Feline du Nord

    As a lifestyle Domina who occasionally Pro Dommes I’d like to respond.
    All subs I interact with surrender to my will. In neither my Lifestyle D/s or my Pro D/s is there EVER tit for tat. I enjoy myself with subs and slaves. The ones that come to me as Pro-D pay like they would pay a Top Chef who will let them experience a Chef’s Special. There will be no delivering of the sub’s wishes… There is only surrender to My Dominance, so yeah: Power Exchange….
    Fin-Dom is one of the many kinks I enjoy. Both my Lifestyle subs/slaves as the Pro D/s are expected to shower me with attention in the form of money, gifts, outings etcetera… Because I am their Queen… Because they like to please me and see me happy and content they perform this duty.
    Some enjoy a bit of humiliation… And I enjoy seeing that… Some just live for my happiness… And I enjoy that immensely.

  5. ted_subby

    @Feline du Nord: Thank you for the comments.

    I believe that when a Domme is clear about that, as you are in your comments, then that is great because if that fits what a sub is looking for then they can experience that.

    @Andrew: I am sorry that I missed your comments earlier, when you posted them. I agree with you that there are plenty who claim to be a FinDom but are not dominant at all. I also believe that there are plenty of legit FinDoms who are what a finsub is looking for but not in any sort of tit-for-tat way.

  6. shelli_k18

    Putting my income directly into her bank account, “Managing Finances” of this sissy, my gf gets to make the big decisions without the responsibility of working for the income. This makes me feel out of control, free of the worries, expectant of her to manage it, and condemning her for loss of control. Yes, I gave her this, and I don’t deny it. But I see her not working and is it envy or just the inequality that has me upset?

    I am still learning my submissive role..
    Sissy shelli

  7. lunaKM

    Hi shelli_k18, I guess it depends on if she’s abusing and misusing your money. I understand feeling uncomfortable with handing over your hard earned money and then not having a say on how it’s spent. Is there a reason she’s not working? Is she looking for work? Or is financial submission a kink for you two? Of course if it’s not working and only making you upset then I suggest you try to sit her down and talk about how you feel.

  8. ted_subby

    @shelli_k18: Financial domination does not need to be in a D/s relationship. As with most any other dynamic, it is best to discuss with your partner to find what would work best for both of you together.

    In this case, if you feel uncomfortable or upset about it, then I strongly recommend talking with your gf to come up with a dynamic which works best for both of you. Your submissive role is whatever you both discuss and agree upon, it is not something you just need to submit to without agreeing upon it.

    Regarding one member of a relationship working and another not, that too is a good discussion to have with your gf. There is no right and wrong about it, and you two may not even agree on what would work best for you, but a discussion is the best way to address the issue in my view.

    Being upset in a relationship in my view means that a good discussion is in order. One discussion may not resolve the issue, but without a discussion being upset is likely to continue or get worse.

    -Bluebonnet1′s Ted

  9. mike

    Well. Financel domination. The slave pay to get a chance to get a Master. (talking about gayslaves). If the slave is very lucky he might be allowed to talk to the Master for a few minutes. Most Masters ignores the slaves after they got the money. Some Master might talk to the slave a few minutes. If the slave dont pay more the Master dont care about the slave. I been doing this many time. Same thing everytime. Most slaves knows it but they still hope for a Master. I talked to many slavs and Masters about it. Most Masters told me that if someone is so stupid to pay to let them. Why should i work when faggots pay my rent and bills. And why should i care about a slave… Thats how the financel domination looks for male slaves who are gay. I dont know aboutabout the heteroslaves. Maybe they are diffrent.

  10. Scott

    I’m still new to the whole bdsm lifestyle. So i am still learning. Financial Domination may be a kink. But so far I don’t enjoy it at all. It seems to me that every domme that i have encountered claims to call themselves a findom. Almost every domme i have talked to claim that as their specialty. So if there is a real findom way, then the real findoms should really have a lot to say about all the fakes that are out there. I have no problem spoiling or gifting or even giving some financial retribution. However, to just take and take and take from a sub that just wants to please there dom/domme is scammers. It is violating the rule that dom/domme’s should look after the well being of there sub. If you are tied up getting whipped, a dom/domme can see the damage that is occurring and knows instinctively maybe it is a good idea that i stop. In findom i really don’t see a way to do that unless you completely submit all your finances. So this is my opinion of findoms. Most of them have no clue the damage that they are causing and don’t really care. @mike for example. Again i say, violating the rule that a dom/domme should look after the well being of the sub. In my opinion the only real way findom should be acceptable is completely submitting all your finances to the dom/domme. This way the dom/domme can ensure that damage is not being done and can still make the slave humiliated. This whole findom thing has just about caused me to abandon the whole idea of bdsm. From what i have seen most domme’s (online anyway) will not even so much as give you the time of day until you start to fork over dollars. Im not rich but im not poor. I have to be able to ensure that i can save for retirement and pay my bills. Some money for the domme to spoil and and gifts ok. But Nope, no more for me. Its lets play and live lifestyle face to face or just go away fake. When i talk about this i’m talking from experience. I have been through at least 20 dommes. Each one that i been through i have increased the intensity at which i searched for a new one. So to me it is not the sub that is at fault. It is the community that has allowed fake findoms to flourish. Sounds like maybe i should take up the profession. “Pay me and you my get a chance to see me”, with no intention what so ever to see the sub. Mean while, i hit up the next victim and my wallet will get thicker by the day. Naaa I could never do that. I have a conscience.

  11. Sasha Conceited

    I think this is a great non-biased article about financial domination. I myself am a financial dominant and ProDomme, and I am huge on being SSC. Occasionally, when guys want me to keep taking money I have to tell them no. It’s a little bit difficult when they are voluntarily sending me money versus me being in charge of their finances though. As far as paying to talk, most professionals want to get paid for their time. However, if a Domme is asking for a lot of money and you just met that’s a different story. I think it takes time to build a true financial domination relationship. It takes other BDSM skills to make the submissive want to submit financially. I think some people forget that.

  12. AfroQueen

    Thank you for an unbiased profile of financial domination. With so many “fuck you, pay me” types cluttering up the field, it is hard for many to understand that their are many nuances to financial domination and it is the individuals responsibility to research potential matches.

    Some submissisive like the “fuck you, pay me” while others are more about the building the relationship. Which is true in any domination as some like the immediate “you belong to me now” while others prefer the “let’s get to know one another first”.

    Do your research, preferably when not horny, and results will usually turn out better.

  13. nubbin

    The complete and ultimate submission would be to hand over your life into someone else, included al your assets. And then be “broken” and moulded to have only one goal, to satisfy your Dome/Master. This is of course only a dream/fantasy for most/some of us.
    But it would be nice to be in that situation, with some one you trust.

  14. lunaKM

    You are absolutely right nubbin, this is complete fantasy. The desire to be “broken” is a rare one, as I’m sure most of us would prefer to still have our own personality, initiative and thoughts.

  15. Bri

    The only issue that I see left out is holding your domme in higher regard than a vanilla date. I a sub is accustomed to taking his date out to say Ruth Chris steak house and a show and spends $250-500 on a vanilla date, but as a sub wants to stay home and be a coffee table or some other play, and then finds if “offensive” to give or spend money on there Domme in others ways or just to hand it over I find appalling and disrespectful. Why should a Domme they cherish have no money spent on them or given to them. Even in the vanilla world a man gives a women an expensive ring, buys a house, etc. But are offended with the idea of sharing money?

  16. chrissy

    This is a tough one for me. I have a little bit for which I have promised to go to my kids. This includes a business doing a million a year and several houses and a farm and 50 commercial acres. I’m not going to allow a Mistress to take this away from my kids. There are some very sweet Domme’s who I have talked to for months that understand that and some who just reject me because I will not give all to them. As far as paying a Domme to train me and to teach me then I have no problem paying for Her time.

  17. ted_subby

    @Bri: Unspoken rules are sometimes difficult for people. It does not seem reasonable for someone to feel “offense,” as you mentioned, when someone else is not playing by their unspoken rules.

    @chrissy: Yes I imagine it could be tough for many people, especially when there are others involved from a financial situation. That is true of anything involving money, though, and it’s my understanding that many who submit to financial domination set aside a specific amount of maximum money they could afford for it.

  18. anon

    Is it still financial domination if I just enjoy spending money on vanilla dates without getting anything in return? I’m confused!

  19. lunaKM

    I doubt it anon, there’s no domination involved in the example you gave. It’s just you enjoying spending money on your date. There’s nothing wrong with that.

  20. Bri

    OK, let me be more clear on my comments. Keep in mind money is power. In my mind fin dom, likely controls the bank accounts etc. Move beyond that, and think about this scenario. A sub and domme go to a nice restaurant. She orders dinner for them both. The check comes. The sub pulls out his wallet and pays. That sounds good right? I would say WRONG. The whole room sees him with the power of money. Looks vanilla to them. And the sub at any time could walk out the door and leave his domme behind to pay the bill. Now is she had the money in the first place, she would pay the bill. The room would (could) see this. His masculinity is dealt a big blow. She has the option to leave him there. See there is power in who is in control of the money. Now I have no desire to control someones bank account. But I do understand the mindset of a sub male enough to know if he can’t handle that scene there are some issues in my mind with is he subbing for sex or is he subbing because he is a sub? To me it is obvious and there are other clues to the same. In my semi pro domme (and I say semi pro because money was involved not because I was pro) experience I have had married men approach me, want to have a relationship with me of some sort. The come with a concept of entitlement like because they are giving themselves to me that is worth my effort. Where is that mindset coming from. And here that same man pays for all kinds of things for a wife that clearly isn’t meeting his needs in bed. But you ever broach the subject of money and they are like well I can’t help with bill my wife might see. Really???? Please… Somehow they want a relationship with me and be my sub, and that I should be so enamored to have them as mine that is good enough? They get offended by the idea of helping with some expenses. Come one even the bedsheets they would get all dirty needs washed. It is not my job to take care of them financially either. And they can’t see their screwed up mindset. I know someone will be upset with the idea of playing with a married man, but you would be surprised how man will lie about that until money comes up…

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