Dear lunaKM,
I've been a sub for about 6 mo now...online Dom. (this is my first experience being a sub) I have a lot of respect for Him, but can't get my act together enough to obey everything He wants me to do. I am overwhelmed with my personal life and work and the stress of Him only adds to it. I though it was over a week ago, but apparently not. He says He never released me and never will. I am unhappy, but don't know what to do about it.
Dear unhappy,
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. A relationship, online or not shouldn't feel like added stress. If you aren't happy, and considered the relationship over then end it. He can't keep you by any magical means. Work on yourself, take care of your life and when you feel that a relationship will be a betterment and not a stress, then you can go looking again.
How you tell him you are over is up to you, but since it's online, just stop talking to him, block him if necessary. The end.
Dear lunaKM,
I'm in the process of looking for a new Domme and I'm curious about protocol. Is it good protocol to be talking to several Dominants at the same time? Should a sub inform each individual that you are talking to others. Also, is it good protocol to arrange play time with a Domme or someone else while looking, or should the submissive wait until the relationship details have been agreed and rules established.
I ask because I'm concerned about insulting or otherwise proceeding incorrectly. Thank you
Dear looking for protocol,
Just like a vanilla dating situation it's not uncommon to talk to multiple people at one time. However I personally feel that once you decide to see where things go on a more intimate level you need to focus only on the one relationship at a time. Think of it this way, if you always have someone else on the line you'll never develop a solid relationship with the one you are currently with. You could start questioning if the grass is always greener with someone else every single time.
Especially if you consider playing with someone you need to be clear and upfront about having other potential partners in the wings. The serious nature of the relationship will decide if they are comfortable with you having other possible contacts or not.
Dear lunaKM,
I am in a poly relationship, specifically one shaped like a V, where I am one of the points. My girlfriend has been with her boyfriend for 1-2 years, and I have been with her for 6 months. Everything was going fine at first, but the longer I am with her, the more wary of her boyfriend I become. He doesn't behave in a way that makes me feel safe. He does things he knows are harmful to her (example: they have a mutual addiction problem, hers is more severe and she is trying to quit but he will leave the supplies out for it where she will see it, which makes it really hard for her. He has even told her that he doesn't care if she does it!). He doesn't seem to respect her boundaries, he doesn't cross them, but if she doesn't want to do something he will pout and sulk and generally be passive aggressive. My question is: at what point does that sort of harmful behavior become abuse? And when does it become okay for me to intervene? If I weren't dating her I would have counseled her to drop him already, but I'm worried my relationship with her will make me seems biased. It's to the point where I don't want to be around him, ever, because his uncaring behavior towards her disgusts me...
Dear V,
Poly relationships are difficult. I too would be quite concerned if I were in your shoes. But poly relationships are rarely to separate, individual relationships. You work together for the joy of the group, even if in a V-style relationship. If you feel that he is unsafe and harming her, then it's abuse. If she is being negatively impacted, meant to feel bad about herself and he's enabling an addiction then that's abuse.
You are in a relationship with her, and her relationship with the other boyfriend is impacting your relationship, that gives you every right to confront her and him about the way you feel and the danger you perceive. I know you are probably worried that she will chose to end your relationship, and it could go that way, but are you really able to just sit idly by any longer? You need to do something to keep your own happiness strong. Talk to her alone, then talk to them together. I wish you the best.
