I am in a poly relationship with my partner and I really care for his other partner. For the most part, I am happy for all aspects of their relationship. However, I recently learned that he used nipple clamps that we had purchased together on her and this triggered an unexpected reaction from me. I know I need to bring this up, however I don't know how rational or irrational I am acting about this. I recognize that both of our relationships are kinky but I felt a sense of being territorial over this.  Can you offer some insight?

I have been in a similar situation within the poly relationship that KnyghtMare and I are in with froggyKM. I have had territorial feelings regarding not only using the title Master but also some of the service things I do for him. I wanted them to be just mine and not share these things with her. There is something I learned about myself in my growth as a poly slave; these things I wanted to keep to myself are just  things. He allowed me time to keep these things as mine only until I was ready to move to the next step and make that realization.

It was some idea that keeping things like his title, or the nipple clamps you both purchased is a way to trying irrationally to maintain the uniqueness of your personal submission. I know I thought that keeping these things as personal would safeguard my position in my Dominant's life. It is irrational, that's for sure.  Physical things can not jeopardize your relationship. Keeping your feelings and emotions from everyone involved can damage things.

The challenge in a poly relationship is that there will be moments of jealousy and pangs of territorial behavior. As long as you can admit that and talk about it, that's a first step to getting over it. The healthiest poly relationships are ones that you can sit down and talk about things that bother you even if they are irrational, strange or possessive. I strongly suggest you go sit down with your Dominant and tell them how you feel and work it through.

All my best.