Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

10 responses to “[Video Post] How do I show my submissiveness long distance?”

  1. LarissaG

    Here’s a few things we do…I keep an online blog that everyone can see but it is really my journal. I post in it when I have time or when a topic comes to mind. Not every day. Some masters want their subs to post in their journal every day, but for us it doesn’t work that way. I used wordpress that I set up to give him a notification when I make any changes to it. He allows me to choose my theme and looks for it and he allows me the freedom to set my journal pages any way that I want them to be. Allows is the operative word here. He chooses to allow me those freedoms. He could very well chose one day to change my blog to a theme of his own as I can set him up as an admin. Another thing we do is a morning report where every morning I send him a report that includes what I plan for the day.

    A normal report for me includes a morning message to Master, followed by a list of my plans for the day, then status of uncompleted assignments (mostly has to do with our group in Second Life, but sometimes includes research he wants me to do on the internet for him), then on to Additional Information for Master which includes anything that I feel Master needs to know about my day or something that happened the night before or anything that I’m feeling that he needs to know about like when I have “conquer me feelings” or if he said something that really bothered me and I have to tell him how it made me feel. After that is the Daily Duties and Rituals completed in the evening before, followed by my overnight cunt heat level. Then I close it with a special message for him wishing him a good night sleep (since he works graves, his night is when I’m sending my report). I include special teasing for him and sometimes tell him about my dreams. The most important part of the report is it helps him keep up with what is going on in my life and he notices immediately if my reports become too short because then he’ll ask me why it was that short and so on. It also gives him a chance to dominate me by setting my daily schedule. If I have too much on my to-do list, he’ll sometimes remove some items from it and that’s the list I’ll stick to. The “overnight cunt heat level” is supposed to be on a scale of 1 to 10 but sometimes he keeps me going until it’s well over the 10 level. LOL

    Basically anything that lets him dominate me from afar is good. Webcam, phone calls, yahoo messenger, Second Life where I am collared to him as well all give him the chance to dominate me. When we are talking, I also ask him permission to go afk. Unless it is an emergency, I’ll wait until he responds to let me go to the bathroom, but there are times when he is afk himself for over an hour and I really have to go so I run. LOL

    I also have rules that I have to follow and on display on my journal. ), if I don’t follow the rules, I face punishment. My punishments range from not being allowed to shop to having a game or something I enjoy taken away and being “grounded” from it or not being able to get what I want.

    These are a few of the things that we do in our long distance relationship. We’ve been together going on three years now. It’s hard work, but well worth the efforts to keep our relationship alive. The one thing I’ve learned from Luna’s site is that you can offer up suggestions and thoughts to your Dominant without being considered topping from bottom, which is what I do…Sometimes I’ll think of something and suggest it to Master, who will then take that suggestion and twist it until it fits what he wants. He trusts me to honor my submission to him and I work hard to honor that trust. We’ve taken many ideas available on Luna’s site and rearranged them to fit a long distance relationship. Speaking of which, it’s time for another honor notebook email to go out to Master soon…

    I hope the things we do help you too. Good luck…


  2. bonimiss

    @larissaG: I was going to suggest the blog also as a way of communicating submission. I also email most days although it is not a rule but I know Sir enjoys reading them even though I probably repeat myself after 4 years of writing. Sir does not write back so I consider it an act of submission since I do not receive anything directly back from him. In addition, I have figured out my “submissive buttons” and know I need to have something to be obedient to. Sir gave me rules a few years ago and I find that helps through out the day. You might also come up with some rituals that do not interfere with your work schedule but that remind you of the relationship at certain points of the day. Hope this helps also.

  3. LarissaG

    @bonmiss: At night I have a ritual where I take care of my personal stuff. While I brush my hair, each stroke of the brush I think about my submission and what it means. Then in the shower, I take care of things, I think about my submission to Master and how I’m doing certain things to please him. Stuff like that are good to reset your mind. In the morning, when I’m taking care of stuff, I set my mindset again from waking up. I have my coffee and write my morning report to Master. Then I move on with my day…Master hardly responds to my emails either but we’re on the phone each evening for at least two hours. Some nights we get less time, but still he usually responds to whatever I say in my email when he calls. If it’s important enough, he’ll call in the afternoon and we’ll talk about my report or things we need to talk about before he goes to work. I can’t imagine if he never responded at all. It would be hard to keep up a one-sided conversation for too long…:)

  4. bonimiss

    @larissaG: No, lol. We talk and text, etc. so its not one sided. I just don’t commonly get an email from him. :)

  5. subtoJB

    Sir and I live in different countries and we were able to meet for the first time in person in March. I’m constantly amazed at how many ways I can show my submission online in a LDR.

    Every morning I send an email to Sir. I talk about how I’m feeling, what’s going on that day, and lastly I offer up several options on underwear so Sir can tell me which bra and panties to wear. This is a ver simple thing, but knowing that I’m wearing panties that Sir selected make me think of him throughout the day. Sometimes he’ll give me tasks to complete during the day while I’m at work. We communicate via email throughout the day, which makes it seem like he’s always with me.

    We also have a document (examples of which can be found in his articles over on that lists long term tasks that I am to complete. This allows him to set goals for me and provide me with a timeline to complete them.

    I also have a journal that I must write in daily. Sir is the only one who can view it, but it allows me to communicate openly with him throughout the day. Sometimes he comments on it, sometimes he doesn’t. But at least this way he knows how I’m feeling. I’m fortunate because he’s created an environment for me where I know I am safe and free to speak my mind openly, which is absolutely critical in a LDR.

    With lots of communication and patience, I believe that online submission in a long distance relationship can be very positive and fruitful. But it takes hard work and dedication from both parties to really make it work.

  6. Samantha M.

    Im new to the BDSM lifestyle . How do i begin to be submissive to the person who is already in the lifestyle? I have been doing alot of reading and research on it. How do i show that im very serious and want this? I knows this person and they are already in the lifestyle. I,want to be theirs. How do i show them?

  7. claire

    So far no one has talked about self improvement as a form of long distance submission. For me personally, it is one of the most important ways that I show my submission in my long distance relationship. I don’t get to see my love for a few months at a time so I try to spend our time apart working on myself, to make myself a better person for him to enjoy when we are reunited. I have taken up jogging and set a goal to loose 5 pounds by the time he sees me again. I try to set atainable goals that I can fit into my busy schedule, such as making sure I brush my teeth and wash my face every single night, cooking more of my meals to manage my diet and improve my cooking skills for when we live together again, cutting back on drinking and smoking, and taking time to meditate several times a week to manage my stress level so I can return to him more mentally stable. I do muscle toning excercises to make sure that I am sexy for him and strength training to help with the primal play that we like to do together (he likes a struggle and I want to be able to last more than a few seconds before he takes me down).

    Anyway, that’s what I do, but consider what you would like to achieve for yourself and what your Master would enjoy and set some goals for yourself. Try to balance goals for appearance, health, mental health, and useful skills such as cooking, knitting or sewing. Let your master know about your progress and get his support for your endeavors.

    A tip: take up bread baking from scratch. It is an extremely practical skill to have, it saves money, it requires patience and dicipline which are very important in a long-distant sub, it is impressive and makes ordinary meals feel special and the hand kneading is the best arm work out/stress reliever I have yet to find.

  8. LarissaG

    Self-improvement is in the eye of the beholder. One woman’s self-improvement is another woman’s daily duty. Most of what the girls mentioned can be considered a self-improvement exercise of some kind. What you would term self-improvement, would to some, be considered normal day-to-day hygiene practices. What we would consider self-improvement holds a different meaning for you.

    The honor notebook I mentioned is a form of self-improvement. It’s analyzing what my feelings are and how I honor my Master, our relationship and other ways to honor various aspects of our lives. At the time I wrote my original post, I was doing daily reports every morning, but now we do weekly due to lack of time. Those reports are another form of self-improvement and self-examination. They are meant to give Master an idea of what my weekly duties will be and he’ll adjust my list as needed. If I have too much on my list, he will break that weeks’ plate and require me to come up with another list of stuff I have to do.

  9. missp

    I am very new to this space, however I feel I have always been here because of my upbringing. I am about to meet up with a man I’ve known for a few years, and we are going to see how this goes. I’m excited about it all, and do hope that we can expand in this area when he moves north again. I want to surprised my new master in many small ways, while also developing my natural submissive self in our private setting and also my behaviour in the workplace. Will keep everyone abreast once I return next Monday.

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