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lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

21 responses to “What is a Collar? What Does it Mean to be Collared?”

  1. Lilly

    I am intrigued by the idea of collaring. As a submissive I like the idea of the collar because it reminds me that I am being controlled and someone else “has the reins.” I do not understand how often masters typically require the collar to be worn but I am not against the idea. I would love to learn more about the ceremony process. On an unrelated note does “under consideration” apply to mostly to collaring? It is my understanding that the master put his submissive up for consideration before collaring? How long do these “under consideration” periods usually last?

  2. Masterslittlegirl

    how appropriate of timing that I read this blog today and my Master and i just exchanged collars two days ago. It was at our first real time meeting, before we had met in person i had worn a red silk thin bracelet that I made myself but enviatably it wasn’t strong enough and kept breaking on me and i would get very emotional each time because Master had told me that was our bond, and i take that bond seriously. So when we finally met in person i came prepared we had already discussed wearing leather bracelets so they were more sturdy, so I went to a local craft shop got some thin leather that was perfect for us, after we spent time together we talked about it and then we tied a bracelet on the other after kissing it several times, after we were done in a way that was dominant and i knew he was serious with about it even though we had just had a loving exchange he told me “That’s your collar”. Because it is important to him it is important to me, it is a constant reminder that i am owned by him and i belong to him. Just as a side note after meeting him i know that i would not have it any other way, being submissive to him was very natural even more so than I expected, I thought my normal take charge self would come out more but when i was near him all i wanted to do was please him :)

  3. Roslin

    I used to be collared to who i thought was a good master. He thought that by collaring me it would bind me as he persued another woman. As it was noy part of our agreement i removed my collar and refused to take it back, though he claimed it was a “gift”… collars have serious symbolism and while it was utterly beautiful and i wore it everyday wiyh pride, to have it used to try to keep me when he had.his way with other women.. it made me resolve to never take a collar without serious negoiations.and

  4. Littlevulpix

    to me my collar symbolises i belong to Master, and accepting it shows the bond and love between me and Him. i wear it 24/7 and i have come to love it.

  5. SubTotal

    I’m new to all of this. My husband is my Dom (he is also new to this subject). Id like to be collared, It symbolizes a great deal for me: It will will help to keep me in the right state of mind, reminding that I belong to him in every way, but I don’t know how to bring it up. Would it be apt, if Ill obtain it and give it to him in a ritual?

    1. littlevulpix

      It’s usually something the Dom presents to the slave as a symbol of control and ownership but i am sure if you brought it up in conversation He would be glad of the idea of collaring you.

      1. SubTotal

        Thank you for your reply. He picked a symbol for my collar and yesterday i constructed the collar, I was so excited making it. It came out so beautiful and just perfect. Cant wait for the night I can present it to my dear Dom.

    2. JessRabbit

      my Master has me write a daily journal and this way when he reads he gets insight to things that do not always say or come up in conversation. it also give him a place to see my desires and fantasies.

    3. toolah

      hi. my husband is my Dominant . i loved the idea of a collar and to be collared. he purchased a beautiful collar..we went to a hotel .i stood before hin naked all but a long hooded cape. he made a beautiful speech clipped the cellar on me. and ordered me tp lay before him him. that night i slept chained to the bed on the floo and i can honestly say it was a lovely experience. morning punished me.with strong whipping. ceremony over. when ever i wear my collar i feel i belong. the heavy polished steel sits.nicely around my neck . i wear it tp bed and he removes it before work the next day

  6. Sarah K

    I have a pair of collars, a wolf collar I wear for formal sessions and a pretty leather one with a stainless steel hoop for daily life. Both of them were bought by me and it was my choice to wear them. Yesterday as we were going out (just to the shops) my husband said “don’t forget your collar!” It made me feel nice. I don’t wear them in any formal way, and I don’t think there’s a right and wrong way to do it. Whatever works for you I guess? !

    1. SubTotal

      To Sarah k: Are you married to your D/M?

  7. Rae

    i have a very special collar from my Dom, we got it a few years ago when i didn’t even know what a collar was. i had only just met Master and he hadn’t revealed his leather tendencies, i just liked the collar and started wearing it. Psychologically i did identify the collar with Him somehow but had no idea what it meant. i do now. i am his submissive and he guards me 24/7 to keep me safe. To say He is amazing is the understatement of the millenium. No one would understand the strength of O/our D/s relationship, it transcends all manner of earthly D/s dynamics. i put my collar on everyday to remind me that i am His submissive. Marriage pales in comparison to O/our D/s relationship. W/we are two souls joined together in eternity and beyond. i love Him too!!! :-)

  8. Jennifer

    I am still very confused, being new to the Scene. My D and I broke up (after dating for 6 months) and after a two month spelt, got back together (I am now living with him). At this time,we both made very heavy promises to each other, and in turn he asked me to be “collared”. Saying it means more to him than a ring. So, are we married? I have not taking it to heart, and now see that I have to take it more seriously, I have been reading and asking him all kinds of questions. I did accept the collar, but was nervous about wearing it. I have children who also live with us, so I would not wear it all the time, (only behind closed doors). To me a ring, I think, means to him a collar. I love him and want to please him in every aspect.

    1. Sofpet

      My Master gave me a plain gold chain as my collar as I have small grandchildren and non lifestyle people around quite a lot. I never take it off. We did have a very formal collaring ceremony.. The Rose Ceremony.. in which we pledged our commitment to one another as a D/s couple. True collaring is not to be taken lightly, and it does help a slave or submissive feel a stronger bond to their Master and is an outward symbol if the commitment and ownership.

  9. MasterJoesPet

    I have a collar. My fiancée is my owner. We are planning on getting a new one soon. I have been in this lifestyle for 10 years. I’m used to being constantly submissive. My master and I don’t have a contract. He has me call him by his name instead of master or sir. How do I tell him that I’m not comfortable with that and I our domain sub. Relationship to be 24/7

    1. Joey

      Just have a sit-down with him and tell him. Communication should be the number-one priority in a D/s relationship. Even though you are constantly submissive to him, there needs to be the opportunity to discuss things within the relationship without fear of punishment. You should not have to keep your own desires a secret; at least let him know, and if he loves you, he will be willing to take what you want into consideration.

  10. ian

    i personally stumbled into my first submissive role but my mistress is more expirienced than me. to explain what i wanted all i could say was that i wanted to be a sexual pet. my mistress and me discussed at length how i defined being a sexual pet and she offered (to celebrate the final agreement between us) me a collar just for when we are together with a seperate necklace for everyday wear to replace the necklace i have been wearing for a few years. now she calls me her pet and i address her by milady or mistress when speaking to others. for me the animal allusion does not apply beyond my collar. in context i am simply a collared submissive to my mistress and of course her husband as well

  11. Joey

    My Mistress and I have tons of collars because we do some low-key puppy play and the collar is the easiest way for me to achieve the puppy headspace. I have never been officially collared but the collar has, over time, become a more and more symbolic item for us. When I wear it, it serves as my physical reminder of the special connection I share with my Mistress; we also use it in public to maintain our awareness of the D/s aspect of our relationship without being too obvious about it. I am allowed to remove the collar if there is a problem or I need to break out of the submissive headspace, but I’ve never really wanted to do this – I love wearing it because it makes me feel loved. I am the only person my Mistress has ever given a collar to. In a way, it is a little like a wedding ring in that it symbolizes an exclusive union.

  12. GoodGirlGoneBad

    My Master put a collar on me and told me I’m his forever
    and as much as I like pleasing Master and making him happy
    do get jealous of the other girls Master talks to.
    I love Master with all my heart but I don’t get why would Master bond me to him like this
    because I do hurt when I see Master with other girls, I’ve never said anything about this to him
    seeing how it isn’t my place.

    But I wish he loved and me enough not to see other girls
    because I am his, I just wish Master was all mine too.

  13. xavier

    At my collaring My Dom are mine..I own you. I melted. Holding my leash I got 3 lashes to confirm my surrender and slave status. All our friends In attendace and applauded and we had a blast.
    Surrender of mind and body and soul to be owned and controlled by my owner
    Was the most satisfying incident to me.

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