From the Submissive Guide Newsletter 9/22/12
Disclaimer: I do not have children nor are they in my future. The post below discusses the issue of deciding to have children for a variety of reasons besides a natural progression of wanting them, having a partner that wants them and then working towards that end.
When KnyghtMare and I got married one of the first questions we were asked was when we planned on having children, as if that were a natural progression from marriage to kids right away. Many people looked surprised when we told them that children were not in our plans and that I would abort any accidental child between us. Other than the obvious dissension between pro-choice and pro-life, people considered us a minority amidst our group. Not having children was not a decision that either of us came to lightly. Neither KnyghtMare or myself see ourselves as the parenting type. We love the way our life is now and don’t feel incomplete for not experiencing parenthood.
This post is more about the D/s decisions surrounding children that have come to my attention through requests for advice and by reading discussions on forums. Below are my personal opinions about these topics and anything I say here should be weighed against your own morals and beliefs. Make your own decisions about your life.
Breeding Slaves
Interestingly enough, I was approached by a couple of people online that very month we got married asking what to do in the case that their Dominant wanted to “breed” them as many times as possible and that it would be their responsibility to raise the children. From the perspective they gave me in their messages this wasn’t a result of a loving partnership wanting to have a huge family – it was a directive of the D/s contract, a task that the submissive was to carry out in obedience to the Dominant’s wishes. I’ve heard about these sorts of relationships but never encountered them before. My first reaction was to ask questions.
- Does the submissive want to have a lot of kids?
- What safety measures are in place for the woman’s health? The resulting children’s health?
- What would happen to the children if the relationship fell apart? Can the woman support them on her own?
- Why does the Dominant want so many children?
- Does he have the financial means to support the mother and his children?
Of course there are more questions that could be asked but entering into an agreement like this takes a lot of serious thought to the future of not only the submissive but the children produced. Seriously, the Duggers have 19 kids because they believe that every child is a blessing from God. Can you care for that many? Do you want that many? Sure this may be an extreme example, but you have to consider the possibility of having more children than you would have dreamed of.
My understanding of a breeding arrangement is that the Dominant would be detached from the relationship in a way that would make love and romance difficult to perceive. I’m not even sure that they’d be a good father. It’s so hard to see this as a positive sort of dynamic. All I can say to those who asked me for advice was that I was not really qualified to answer to it and directed them to other resources.
Okay so there is another definition of breeding that I’d like to touch on here so that you know I’m well aware of it. Breeding a slave could very well mean bareback unprotected sex and have nothing to do with children. However, that wasn’t the case in the advice requests above.
In some breeding relationships I feel that perhaps it is a pregnancy fetish that the Dominant has. What could be more exciting for them than to have a pregnant woman around as often as possible?
A breeding relationship is by far not a common sort of relationship. It is interesting to consider the many sorts of relationships that people enter in to.
Tell Me
- Do you want children?
- Would you be comfortable if the Dominant decided how many children you were to have without your input?
My name is lunaKM and I’m a full-time stay-at-home submissive in a D/s relationship.
I started blogging when I was exploring D/s online in 2003. I needed advice, mentors and helping hands. Since then I've made it my mission to help novice submissives understand themselves and the services they wish to provide. 
i really don’t understand people with the fetish of breeding.
Its one of those fantasies that makes absolutely no sense when thought through in the cold light of day. If a couple are planning children then they should be putting the children first and have ya know, relatively normal reasons for wanting to have children it just not a healthy idea to choose to be pregnant and to have a child to keep a bdsm relationship going.
I’m sure there will be some people who say oh but people are entitled to have what kinks they want, sorry you can argue that all day but it shouldn’t apply when it involves another party (ie the child) who can’t consent.
I have never understood breeders. That goes for the kinky variety, the vanilla variety, and folks who breed animals or don’t spay/neuter their pets. There are just so many kids/animals in the world that need homes, why would someone want to make more?
We are friends with this awesome kinky couple. They are really the only folks that we are 100% out to. They decided to have a child a couple of years ago. Now we don’t see them as much and when we do it’s for short times because their son seems to be cranky most of the time. They each seem unhappy because they don’t have the sex life they used to. He misses watching her with other men and she’s just not up for that because she’s so worn out from the kid. She feels pressured and would really like to be able to do more with just the two of them. On top of all of that I feel like they neglect their animals. We’ve had some really cold days here in Minnesota and their dog is outside with just a small un-insulated dog house with straw in it. And because of the human kid their dog and their cats don’t get that much attention anymore.
Personally, I have never wanted human children. Right now, Sir and I have two dogs and a cat. They are our kids. I am their stay at home mom. They were all adopted and now have a great home with tons of love and attention. Even our goldfish are adopted.
Our kids don’t get in the way of our kinky sex life. We don’t have to hide the floggers. We don’t have to worry about the awkward discussions when our kids see a dildo. We can have people over without having to lie to them. The only thing we do is make sure the dogs aren’t in the room if we engage in impact play – they get scared.
For me, choosing not to have human children also has to do with being environmentally conscious. I am all for the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement. (http://www.vhemt.org) The Oregon State University has an interesting article (http://oregonstate.edu/ua/ncs/archives/2009/jul/family-planning-major-environmental-emphasis) about how family planning has a big environmental impact. I think the campsite rule applies to the Earth as well – leave it in better shape than you found it. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, and don’t reproduce.
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Kids…. Daddy and I have 3 awesome children I could not think of life without them. We have been in the lifestyle 24/7 for 14 year and yes when they were babies it did put a kink in our kinky but we still had a much better sex life then any of our vanilla friends. Today with them being 4,6 and 10 our adult time is occasionally tricky but always there. In life, love, relationships it is what you make it and we make ours exactly as we want it. We are discrete people to begin with so we do not need to tone our life down to much for our kids. We are not extremes and after so many years together we know each other and we move smoothly like A symbiotic relationship. Our children have made us closer and had made our family stronger.
pet1 I have to agree with you. We have 4 children and our sex life has never suffered. Granted our children are very well behaved and independant which does help but we did raise them to be that way. We are strict about bedtime and we are strict about our room is off limits. Granted we rarely go out to play but we are great hosts, our children sleep through everything and don’t go into our play spaces. it’s about rules, organization and making time and space for yourselves.