How do you care for a Dom/Master who is suffering dom drop? What should a sub do to help them through this? It seems that they get reclusive. Is this normal?
Today’s Ask Anything question I thought I’d give special attention and make it a video post.
A common conversation in BDSM circles is sub drop but rarely, if ever, is Dom dr0p discussed. It is a real thing and does happen! We focus so much on making sure the submissive is cared for that the Dominant is often left to their own devices.
First, before we talk about how to care for a Dom that is suffering from drop we should discuss what Dom drop is. Dom drop is very much the same as sub drop – but they can can have more emotional turmoil than submissives might. After all, they just spent a good afternoon beating your ass red, black and blue… and enjoyed it! Society teaches us that it is wrong to do that. We grow up being told not to hit anyone and that if you enjoy it you must be messed up! So during Dom drop, there is often a period of insecurity, fear and disgust in what they just did.
Another form of Dom drop is if play stopped suddenly or unexpectedly. If the endorphins and adrenaline are really rushing around they can have a sudden feeling of fatigue, irritability and depression because of the plummeting good mood natural drugs dissipating. Either way, the Dominant is dropping.
Along with the muscle aches and pains that are signs of a good time had by all – these moments can freeze a Dominant in their tracks and drive them to depression, reclusiveness and closed off behavior. It’s completely normal to go through this.
So how does a submissive help support a Dominant that is suffering from drop?
The best thing you can do is be there, remind them that if they want to talk you will and provide physical support. KM needs sexual release, others I know want a back rub, a nap or a sweet pastry of some kind. If you reassure them that their feelings are valid and normal it will help them recover. Ask them if they need something to drink or eat – resume your submission to them as soon as you feel able to after coming down from your high.
Talk to your Dominant before you play about what they’d like you to do if they drop. They may not even realize that they need something after play. The best thing for them is that you remember to take care of them too and ask them how you can help them relax after playing.
After play, talk about what you liked and enjoyed. Boost their confidence and assurance that they just did something good and positive and worthwhile. Let them feel the connection you got from play by telling them about it. It’s always a good idea to share your experiences.
How do you help with Dom drop? Let me know by sharing a comment or two.
Tlbsab also has an article on the site called “When Top Drop Rules Your Relationship” and I recommend you check it out.
My name is lunaKM and I’m a full-time stay-at-home submissive in a D/s relationship.
I started blogging when I was exploring D/s online in 2003. I needed advice, mentors and helping hands. Since then I've made it my mission to help novice submissives understand themselves and the services they wish to provide. 
i encountered something like this with my Master and thought he had lost his mind, so glad to figure out what was going on and how to help him through this next time
Oh, how timely!
My husband/Master and I have been discussing this very thing lately, among others. We are beginners, and I know he sometimes still thinks afterwards, oh god, I just beat her ass, and really hard, too- and feels irrational remorse, probably because of life-long conditioning. I will mention this to him today.
As a brand-new identified-submissive who is thrilled by it, this one article is the single most important advice I have yet found. (My wife was my occasional submissive since marriage, but events and — I now see — personalities make my subbing to Her appropriate. And, I may add, a delight.) I had done a fair amount of reading while Dominating, so while submission is new the basics aren’t. Your article, however, I regard as an essential basic!!
I’m adding a second post to ask a question.
Once while at a Master/slave munch, a discussion question was posed asking what a submissive/slave could do that would show true submission.
My answer (as a Dominant) was, “Apolgize when you’re not wrong.” Which was greatly dismissed and derided by all the “submissives” there. Except one young lady who thought it over and then spoke up in support of the concept.
The intent is obvious — I would not expect a submissive to cause her M or D to lose face in any situation. [As a vanilla husband (we were occasional D/s), I frequently apologized when I wasn't wrong -- getting past "blaming" got us to the point where we could discuss the situation calmly. I got some reciprocal apologies as a result, but in any event our marriage has grown and flourished. But that's vanilla life.]
What are your thoughts about a submissive, even in private, not causing her Master/Mistress to lose face? And whose choice is it?