Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on lunaKM.me, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

6 responses to “[Video Post] Ask lunaKM – What to do when your Dominant drops”

  1. wyldwestsub

    i encountered something like this with my Master and thought he had lost his mind, so glad to figure out what was going on and how to help him through this next time

  2. KinkyPinkbottom

    Oh, how timely!

    My husband/Master and I have been discussing this very thing lately, among others. We are beginners, and I know he sometimes still thinks afterwards, oh god, I just beat her ass, and really hard, too- and feels irrational remorse, probably because of life-long conditioning. I will mention this to him today.

  3. Spartan519

    As a brand-new identified-submissive who is thrilled by it, this one article is the single most important advice I have yet found. (My wife was my occasional submissive since marriage, but events and — I now see — personalities make my subbing to Her appropriate. And, I may add, a delight.) I had done a fair amount of reading while Dominating, so while submission is new the basics aren’t. Your article, however, I regard as an essential basic!!

  4. Spartan519

    I’m adding a second post to ask a question.

    Once while at a Master/slave munch, a discussion question was posed asking what a submissive/slave could do that would show true submission.

    My answer (as a Dominant) was, “Apolgize when you’re not wrong.” Which was greatly dismissed and derided by all the “submissives” there. Except one young lady who thought it over and then spoke up in support of the concept.

    The intent is obvious — I would not expect a submissive to cause her M or D to lose face in any situation. [As a vanilla husband (we were occasional D/s), I frequently apologized when I wasn't wrong -- getting past "blaming" got us to the point where we could discuss the situation calmly. I got some reciprocal apologies as a result, but in any event our marriage has grown and flourished. But that's vanilla life.]

    What are your thoughts about a submissive, even in private, not causing her Master/Mistress to lose face? And whose choice is it?

  5. MastersLittleKitten

    My Master usually goes through top drop the day after a play session, often when He sees the fully formed bruises covering my thighs and arms. He feels so bad when He realizes how much pain He’s inflicted on me, no matter how many times I explain that I enjoyed every second of it. Once W/we cuddle for a while though, He always feel much better. I’ve always been a sub, but He’s the first Master I’ve ever had because I’ve never trusted anyone enough to have that much power over me before I met Him. He, on the other hand, is new to BDSM in every way. When W/we first had sex, I told Him that He would be a wonderful Dom, and He is, He’s just not used to hurting people.

  6. Sir Keon's pet kaya

    I am so happy to have found your sight. I am new to the lifestyle (less than one year) and my current Dom is my first. We have a moderately long distance relationship – we are a 2.5-3 hour drive apart. One of the first things he taught me was the importance of good aftercare and is always wonderful about seeing to my needs following a scene.

    The harder part for both of us is the separation following a scene. Because I have young children who do not yet know that we are anything more than friends, he does not spend the night. This has lead to both of us suffering hard drops which usually hit 2-3 days following our time together.

    We made a promise early on in our relationship – no masking. We both have a tendency to mask our feelings to protect those around us. I think that, especially in this type of dynamic, it is important that both Dom and sub agree to be honest about what feelings they are experiencing. This has allowed us to talk openly and learn to recognize drops when they hit.

    What we do, since distance and separation time is an issue, is discuss and plan our next time together. We typically do not discuss scene or sexual encounters during this time, but focus on when our next visit will be, what vanilla/date activities we will do, etc. This helps to draw our attention away from the separation anxiety & drops and build our relationship as we talk about our interests and plans.

    Thank you again for this site and I look forward to reading/watching more.

    Sir Keon’s pet,
    kaya

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