My boyfriend and I are just starting to explore this world. I am usually the more dominate one in the vanilla world(?) but want him to take charge in the bed room. I would not mind him being more confident outside of the bedroom either and think this will go a long way for that. This being our situation, how do I get him to take more control, be more imaginative, be more dom like so that I can be more accepting of him instead of trying to teach him while we play? I don't think we started trying this out as educated and best we could and would like to know how to begin. Oh we also have 3 kids at home so bedroom play after the kids in bed and date nights are our restricted times.

Hi there!

There are a couple things I'd like to address from your question. First, it's normal and common to be in control in the outside world but want to be under control in the privacy of your home, so don't let that bother you. If you took a survey of all the submissives who read this website I'm sure you'll find a large majority have jobs that require them to be more dominant than they are at home.

Now, encouraging your boyfriend to be more Dominant is going to require a couple things. First, you need to know if that is what he wants to do for himself and not just for you. You can't make someone change, as you probably already know unless they choose to themselves. If he is on board with being in control in the bedroom and out then you have half the challenge beat.

Secondly, it is possible that you will have to continue to teach him what you want during play. No one is a mind reader and open communication about what you desire is a basis for learning and encouraging growth as a Dominant. You both will want to read and learn about the things you want to do and perhaps attend a BDSM munch group in the area to get your relationship questions answered.

A few more tips might be available to you in the articles here on Submissive Guide called, Helping Your Partner Become More Dominant and Introducing Kink Into an Existing Relationship.