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lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on lunaKM.me, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

10 responses to “What are Brats and Smart-Assed Masochists?”

  1. FETISHWEEK: Nominated for Best Bondage Photographer 2012 | Dirk Hooper Photography

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  2. Bill

    Sigh. Why are subs always referred to as women? As if it’s a female only thing and guys can’t be subs.

  3. J

    Some subs are bratty in order to achieve punishment or goad the dominant into dishing out punishment. Sometimes this is okay, however this is a dangerous tactic by the sub because the dominant can chose to punish them by not touching them, at all.

    Sometimes talking back on purpose on occasion is acceptable and an indication that the submissive wants some hard, brutal sex. Some dominants prefer their slaves act up as an excuse to vent their fantasies on them. The slave that ALWAYS tries to disrespect the Master, however, is a slave that will not be allowed any pleasure in the punishment… and will severely regret their behavior.

  4. MadMaxHeadroom

    Ok… I have heard this term bantered around at munches and play parties. I also am personally a switch. I figure for some Doms/subs this is simply part of their dynamic but then I have heard this “other” definition. Also 24/7 is a whole different world in terms of variety so restrict my comment to the context of a scene between 2 play partners.

    If “bratty” behavior (or any behavior for that matter) is in any way unplanned/undesired how is this not a breakdown in communication?

    If a Dom says “slice off your arm” and they refused that would make them a “brat” according to this definition. I am aware that EXTREMELY trusting and strong relationships exist where subspace is so total and complete that there is a hypnosis quality to it… meaning the sub would potentially follow not-so-good commands. That is, commands that the Dom(me) really should not give and would ultimately be responsible for what resulted. But people have to get to that place over time (if they do so healthily), and I doubt they get there by having the Dom give commands the sub might balk at. Please don’t pretend that there are not commands any sub should disobey if given to them by a Dom(me) they do not have a history with. Going into deep sub space with a Dom(me) you don’t know is how you end up on CNN.

  5. SirStompsalot

    @Bill – Like lunaKM said, most of the time we write in relation to what we know. Men can certainly (and are!) be submissive. If you’ve ever read articles or blogs from female dominants, it’s the same thing usually. Nor is D/s strictly a gender binary thing. :)

  6. Guest

    I can be a brat/SAM sometimes when my girlfriend/mistress is being too gentle because we’re new to BDSM and she still has a hard time letting her dominant side out because she’s afraid of hurting me and/or feels guilty about it. She needs a bit of nudging to properly let herself go and dominate me.
    When the day comes that she stops being so hesitant, I’ll stop talking back. But until then I’ll provide that bit of needed provoking.
    Note: she knows this is why I do it, we’ve talked about it before. And even if I mouth off at her or act a bit disobedient, I’m never disrespectful. Oh, and to clear up any confusion: we’re both girls.

  7. Littlegirl

    I’m a brat. I don’t do it to get a punishment I just, for some unknown reason, have to make a smart ass comment. It can be a pretty subtle or very obvious. Sometimes I don’t realize what I say until its out of my mouth.

  8. Lioness

    I’m a brat too. I just read the online essay “The Bratty Sub – Problem or Symptom?” that is linked to that definition, and it makes me pretty sad. (I comment here cause I can’t there, sry).

    I was always a brat. I will always be. It’s not just sexual or in BDSM. I’m like that.
    It’s not a bad habit, something for punishment, it’s not a problem or a symptom.

    My dom loves it. I am actually bratty in my everyday life, and that’s what makes him loves me in the first place. Like, “if you want to punish me, earn it”. Or “let me see how thick is your skin before you can get mine”. It always turns him on, I’m the first woman he was able to love that high, and he often tells me that I’m the worst that happened to him, but that’s why he’s addict.

    And when I read that essay, (wrote by a dom), I felt bad, like, “does mine thinks like that sometimes? Can I hurt him with that attitude? Am I really ruining our relationship?”

    I don’t think you should try to change a bratty sub. If you want a doormat as sub, choose a slavy one. People who try to crush the bratty attitude, are they dominants or domineering?
    Or am I completly wrong and my dom is a masochist one? How long will we continue that relationship if my attitude is a problem ?

  9. Kayla S

    Speaking of personal experience here, I am a brat and I know I am. I have always been like this since I can remember. It’s not because I’m disobedient and have no consideration of other peoples feelings it’s because I like to push the envelope with my husband and see how far I can go before I cross the line. I know there are hard limits that he has and I respect them and I don’t go over them. However, I am a total smart ass to him and I joke with him. Often I poke fun at him, but he also turns around and does the same thing to me. I am not a complete obedient sub because I am hardheaded as well as if you tell me something I will ask why. I am a “why” Child and want an actual answer before completely hundred percent follow you with blind faith. Plus I think being 100% obedience is no fun, because then you were getting your way the whole entire time. It’s not a give-and-take relationship it is A one sided getting relationship. If you want somebody or something to be 100% obedient to you I believe you should just get a dog. However, I know that it’s not some people’s forte and that’s completely fine. However if you know that you have a brat on your hands you should not try and change them into something that they are not. You should tell them upfront you do not like brat behavior or smart ass behavior. I’ve been there done that to a person I tried to make me into 100% total obedience and that was a very abusive relationship and very controlling. However if you want to try and have a brat sub you should sit down with them and tell them what your hard limits are and what their hard limits are before continuing the relationship. There is a fine line between a brat and a unsympathetic/disobedient sub. Unfortunately, many people do not see the difference between the two because the personality qualities are somewhat similar. The only difference is is the on obedient sub does not regard anyone else’s feelings and when they play little jokes it doesn’t matter if they’re hurtful or not. This is why I believe Brats have a bad name.

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