At least once a month I get an email from someone that is under 18 asking very important questions about BDSM and their curious interest. They all want to know if it’s normal and if I can help them find someone to talk to about it. When I first started getting these emails I would ignore them, because I don’t know what kind of trouble I could get into if I said the wrong things. I walk a fine line when I try to respond to them and do my best to answer their questions but keep it clinical and as if a teacher or mentor is talking and not a child-loving pervert. Here are some of the questions and answers I generally give these persons.
I’ve started having fantasies of BDSM situations. I’ve always been drawn to abusive relationships and I want to know if I’m normal.
First, I wanted to say that a BDSM relationship is not an abusive relationship. Kinky sex play can involve striking and inflicting pain but the one real important difference is that the parties both consent and want it. You don’t get that choice in an abusive relationship. BDSM is fun. Abuse is not. These are clear lines between the two.
Am I too young to be interested in BDSM?
It is my personal belief that BDSM interest is a part of your sexual wiring, just like being heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. It is something that would make your sex play more fulfilling. So, no you aren’t too young to start realizing what sort of sex you might be interested in.
What is difficult is doing anything at your age. All BDSM groups have an age requirement of 18+, some are 21+. There is no way getting around it. So talking to someone may have to wait. You can continue to read books (Different Loving is often available in public libraries) and websites so that when you do find someone or are old enough to attend support groups that you have a bit of knowledge under your belt.
I told a friend of mine and they freaked out. Is there anyone I can talk about this to?
I strongly suggest you keep your interest under wraps from your friends until you are an adult. Being kinky isn’t welcomed, even in this day and age. You school counselor might be an avenue to explore but I doubt you’ll find very many people open to talking about kink with someone your age. Even I am unable to answer explicit questions.
I’m a virgin. Do you recommend that I skip regular sex until I can find someone kinky?
That’s up to you. Honestly there is so much going on with the first time that I wouldn’t want to add even more on top of that with kink. Just try the sex with someone you are into first. Sex doesn’t have to have kink in it to be fun.
Are there black people/fat people/religious people/etc into BDSM?
Yes. BDSM is not limited by race, physical size or spiritual preference. You will find the same number of people into BDSM that are in the general population. According to the Kinsey Report approximately 10% of the population has some level of kink in their lives.
(I never answer detailed questions, nor do I give specific advice to underage persons. I do my best to answer their questions just enough to not be titillating. If I’m uncomfortable answering questions I will tell them.)
My name is lunaKM and I’m a full-time stay-at-home submissive in a D/s relationship.
I started blogging when I was exploring D/s online in 2003. I needed advice, mentors and helping hands. Since then I've made it my mission to help novice submissives understand themselves and the services they wish to provide. 
Dear Luna,
This is completely off-topic I know, but you look very pretty in this video. I’m sorry if that’s not appropriate to share, but no offense is meant, nor am I hitting on you. You just look very pretty and I wanted to share the compliment.
Thanks,
Princess Jillian
I think you bring up an important issue about the inherent submissive psyche. I think a lot of women are born submissive, and look for certain things in a partner for their needs to be met, but at the same time, find those needs confusing and scary. When I was very young and still played with dolls my barbies invariably got tied up by Ken. Looking back, it was an obvious sign, but you get an idea how early my submissive nature was manifesting itself. From what I hear, this is true for many submissives.
I also got myself into dangerous situations as a teenager when I was first starting to become sexually active, because I was naturally drawn to men who were dominant, imposing, and somewhat intimidating, but wasn’t yet experienced enough to tell the difference between dominant and abusive. It’s something all submissive women need to learn, but shouldn’t have to the hard way, on their own. If we can talk to gay teenagers openly about what it means to be gay in our society, I hope at some point, we can talk to submissive women about what it means to be submissive in our society, without anyone claiming we’re doing it out of misogyny or sexism.
Could they not start up their own online support such as this, but with general more guidlines in how to be safe? It seems if they can do gay and other support groups this is something that could be offered because it can be just as confusing and dangerous. I am not sure about online policies and laws and all that but maybe there is a way for them to help themselves too. And with age appropriate peers, so maybe an age limit, I’m not sure how it could work but I am sure some one much more computer sauvy then me could figure it out.