A Doormat Submissive?

photo by Evil Erin (CC BY 2.0)

A common derogatory word used in submissive circles is “doormat” as in, you don’t want to be a doormat submissive. Rarely is it talked about beyond saying that you should not let your Dominant walk all over you. I agree of course, but for the inexperienced, understanding what that really means can come after being trampled into the mat.

A doormat submissive is one that accepts their partners conditional control to remove them from society, interpersonal relationships and ultimately to stop caring about themselves. Once you are left with a shell of a person, this Dominant can do whatever they want and get no personality in return. These submissive will commonly be extremely passive in behavior and not have any strong feelings about anything. In extreme cases it can be associated with brain washing.

It’s important to recognize the signs of becoming a doormat because it can change you in a negative way. Being submissive does not mean you have to be completely compliant and devoid of friends or opinions. You can be powerful and strong and still be submissive. The following list has items that could mean you are headed into doormat territory.

• Does he tell you your opinions don’t matter?
• Does he ignore established limits?
• Is he restricting your interaction with friends and family?
• Are you allowed to leave?
• Does he misuse any money you give him?
• Does he treat your possessions with less care than he treats his own?

How to Avoid Becoming a Doormat

The most important way to avoid becoming a Doormat submissive is to know what you need and want in a relationship to be happy and not settling for less. Be active in your endeavors to be happy. You should never let someone else tell you that you should be happy with less than what you need.

If you don’t know what you want or need in a relationship then I strongly suggest you go through my Wants and Needs e-book (it’s free) and learn how to identify those things for yourself. Your submissive goals may be that you want to please and make your Dominant happy, but it should ultimately make yourself happy too. If you don’t feel happy with what you are doing and how you are being treated then there is something wrong with the relationship.

Are There People Who Want to Be Doormats?

Short answer: yes. Some submissives like the idea of being completely isolated and under the control of a Dominant in all things. They like feeling useless and debased of emotion and opinion. They thrive on the feeling of being less than human.

These submissives are few and far between. I mention them here because I feel that if I don’t someone is going to remind me in the comments that these submissives exist.

If you don’t want someone to walk all over you, make sure you take today to learn what you want and need and you take action in your lives to make sure you are always headed towards your happiness and fulfillment. Turn the doormat into something you wipe your feet on, not something that you are.

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