Dear SehAnru,

I'm a very young submissive with a very strong will. I'm quite confused as to where my place is in the world of submission, because I strongly dislike being told what to do, and in my life I'm constantly under the thumb of everyone else. I also have very bad trust issues, have several sexual issues after losing my virginity in a non-violent rape by my first boyfriend, and tend to form unhealthy attachments. I am in therapy right now for several reasons, but we haven't yet touched on my sexuality because I'm quite tired of being told my age prohibits me from knowing what I want. I need to know if my supposed submissive nature is actually a deep-rooted problem before I ever try to do anything with anyone. My most potent fantasies mostly consist of being tied, most often against my will, so that I'm immobilized nearly completely and stimulated manually by the dominant influence, usually male. Do you think that my fantasies of submitting that way are a deep-seated need to feel li  ke I have some control, even if that means actively choosing not to? Or, do you think that that what I'm taking to be a submissive inclination is perhaps real?

Thank you for taking the time to read this!

 

Greetings,

I will say up front that I am not a clinical psychologist or therapist so what I am going to say is by opinion and experience. I have had many of the same experiences but also some which were more violent. I too have very deep seated trust issues so I understand where you are coming from. It is very common and in fact very natural to need to setup your own scenes whether by online role-playing up to the physical scenes themselves and yes it is to regain that feeling of having control over the situation in order to face that fear. It is also to expel that pent up anger and sexual energy that the negative situation caused as it is your psyche’s way of trying to turn it into something positive.

As far as the unhealthy relationships, this too is very common but it is what it is, unhealthy and you know it, obviously. This happens because we generally feel that this is all that we are good for, property to be used and abused. You have to get out of that loop and your therapy will help as it has to do with improving self image and esteem.

How does this relate to submission? It may not at all. Submission is surrender, and would be service that you would want to offer your Dominant. Not something that should be forced. So, when you tell me you have a strong will, I smile. Just because you have a strong will doesn’t mean that you can’t submit. But my suggestion would be to not get attached to anyone for awhile, you need time to heal. Having a mentor is one thing and there are many groups out there that can help to match you up with a guiding mentor who you can bottom for in a safe situation to relieve that pent up tension and need for release with control. It will be hard though because you will want to attach to anything that has a resemblance of feeling to protect you. But, you can do it.

Keep strong lass.

SehAnru