Hi-

I'm a submissive who recently "came out" as such to my mother.  I was raised to believe honesty is one of the most important things in a relationship, and since realizing I was a submissive, I'd grown more and more uncomfortable with lying to her, both by omission and commission.  She was also beginning to get more inquisitive, so I figured that, since she had taken my being gay fairly well - I'd told her so in my early teens - and I didn't want to emulate every soap opera ever, I would start with the truth, answering questions as she asked them.

This did not go well, needless to say.  My question is this - what now?  I'm not in a romantic relationship with anyone, nor am I in platonic service, so should I drop the matter and let my mother assume it was a "phase"?  Should I continue with simply being honest, knowing the repercussions?  Should I try to teach her why I'm not like this because it's "cool" and "edgy," but because it's part of me?  Should I avoid the subject like the plague unless she brings it up?

I haven't told anyone else in my immediate family.  Now I'm wondering if this honesty thing isn't all it's cracked up to be.  Please help!

Hi,

I give kudos to you for taking the chance and being honest with her. How these things are handled by a parent or someone we care about really depends upon how they were raised and it’s not always going to be rainbows and mud pie parties. But, they should at least appreciate the fact that you respect them enough to be open and honest and are attempting to share a part of your life which is very scary because our lives are considered taboo by normal society. But also, tell her that you respect her, and that is why you want to be honest and open with her. Let her know these feelings are scary and that you would like to have her on your side as you need her. That will mean a lot to her, even if she doesn’t realize it right now.  One thing I would recommend however is not to overwhelm her with information. Perhaps create a journal or a blog for her and give her the choice of whether or not she wants to read it. You don’t have to write out all of your secrets, but a generality of what you would like her to understand about you and what you are going through.

As for the rest of the family, I would go with the policy of need to know only. If it's not needed, then they don't need to know. But on the flip side of this, is it better to be told by you? or hear it from another source aka mum who has different feelings than you about these things?  That one you will have to weigh out the priorities.

Also, remember that you are not alone in this struggle and can always reach out to others either through here, Fetlife.com, go to a local munch, etc. strength in numbers.

Again, kudos to you and your strength.

Happy Submitting,

SehAnru