My dominant, Grimly, and I are in a long distance relationship of 200 miles and have been since we commenced our relationship in 2005.
To be honest, I never really planned on having a long distance relationship it just so happened that the dom I ended up being attracted to was that far away and so if I wanted to be happy I had to put up with that or move on. Six years later and we are now hopefully not much more than six months away from living together if all goes to plan but I thought I might share some of the tips I have about being in a long distance relationship while I still am.
I think the first thing to ask when entering into a long distance relationship is simply is it worth it? Is the time that you will have together worth the expense and duration of the journey? Is there something better closer to home?
If the answer is that it is worth it most definitely then you know it can be true that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
I know that the distance between myself and Grimly is nothing compared to people who are countries or maybe even oceans apart. That is much harder. With those sorts of cases you kind of really have to think about what the future of the relationship might be.
How to survive a long distance relationship
- Lots of contact – Grimly and I probably talk on the phone about four or five times a day – luckily I have a package on my phone that means I get free calls at night long-distance and a good package on my mobile for during the day. For folks who live further apart Skype is excellent since there is the added bonus of the video ;) I sometimes worry that when he lives with me i’ll maybe talk to him less than I do a the moment though I’m sure that won’t be the case.
- Communication in general - I think it’s important to share everything good and bad, I think a relationship that doesn’t talk is pretty much doomed.
- Planning visits in advance – we generally have our next visit planned before the current one ends so we have our schedules worked out in advance. Perhaps it’s daft but I still count the days down even now. I feel bad sometimes that it might mean I’m wishing my life away but it means I value the time with him even more. Planning in advance can obviously also have the benefit of getting good travel deals. Sometimes Grimly and I also try and plan at least some of what we’ll do when we see each other so we don’t waste time thinking about it when we’re together!
- Blogging/keeping a diary – I think it’s important to share your thoughts with your dom, not just in person or over the phone but sometimes in writing as well. I think me keeping a blog has really helped our relationship because I know he still enjoys reading my thoughts with his morning coffee when he’s far away and knowing how I’m feeling about him. As though he needs telling lol (!) Perhaps if keeping a public diary isn’t appropriate a private one might do the same thing just as nicely. If perhaps not more so.
- Working out the future – perhaps its scary but I think its also important to have a future goal even if its maybe years away of a time when you can be properly together. Having big plans and watching them come together can be a really good thing.
That’s perhaps the main ones – has anyone else got any pointers to share to help anyone going through the perils of a long distance relationship?
My name is lunaKM and I’m a full-time stay-at-home submissive in a D/s relationship.
I started blogging when I was exploring D/s online in 2003. I needed advice, mentors and helping hands. Since then I've made it my mission to help novice submissives understand themselves and the services they wish to provide. 
Something that works for me other than blogging etc for having long spans away is to not keep thinking about how much time I have without Him. It’s important to me and to my Dom as well that I am independently happy and productive. I don’t get fretful if he is away for a while. I don’t badger him. I tell him I miss him and send him little thoughtful notes and packages but he would not like it if I were just moping. Having your own interests and goals is key. I think a good partner wants the other to be happy, fulfilled, and content.
i love all the suggestions here though i wish to add one more and hope that is okay. As one in an LDR the hardest part is the time away even with other things going on. So my suggestion is using what is out there to still be together such as chat sites, emails, and even 3d avatar sites. The benefits of 3d avatar sites is they allow you to still “see” the One you crave and have that visual as well plus some added places to “play”
I’ve just started with an experienced Dom. He’s 55 and has been in this type of relationship more than once. I’ve had to use my safe word once only and he pulled back altho he was totally into our play. But we don’t live near each other and he also has a new job with unpredictable hours. All I asked was for a daily text or email. I know he can get online sometimes. But he can go for days without saying anything to me. I want to ask so many questions and yet afraid I’ll damage our relationship. But then if my wanting to know damages it then it wasn’t a good relationship to begin with, right? I’ve requested more contact with him and yet nada on his end. I’ve sent emails, texts, etc altho not constantly all day. I don’t want to live with him down the road but live in my own home, my own independence. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just a ‘fill in’, a novelty due to being extremely new to this. Our play and lovemaking is exciting, he even trembles. I get so confused over his mixed signals of “out of sight out of mind” and” I can’t get enough of you when together”. I asked why he’s kind of stiff outside of the bedroom and he said he was respecting my wanting to keep our roles within the bedroom. There are factors here also that we have to be very discrete but still I need more emotional from him.
My Master lives far away as well and it is a hardship on our relashonship. I think the key to our realshonship is open comunication. you should never have to worry that asking questions will damage your relashonship. Maybe you could set up a time to talk to him everyday. For exmaple my Master and I share our mornings together. The first thing I do when I wake up is tell him good morning. We text a little back and forth. That really helps me and I really enjoy knowing that everyday i will talk to him. Maybe that could help you. Aslo try keeping a journal. Write down your questions, thoughts, wants, needs, fantasys, ect. I show my Master mine each time we get together. Its a great way to get your feelings and needs heard in a respectful manner.