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lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

12 responses to “Submitting in Public: How is it Done?”

  1. honeydoll

    Another great article about everyday stuff, Luna! Our routines are:
    1) I cannot get out of the car until he opens the door for me. This means sometimes I don’t go into the destination at all. I simply wait in the car.
    2) All doors are opened by My Knight.
    3) All shopping decisions are made by Him, but I have lots of input because I handle the finances.
    4) If I want to pay for something myself, I have to ask.
    5) I call him Sweetheart; he calls me Honey.
    6) He orders for me, unless he glances at me then I know to order for myself. Usually it’s because he has forgotten what I wanted. So cute! :-)
    7) Good manners are required.
    8) He holds my hand and guides me to where we are going and I walk slightly behind him.

    All of this is wonderful because it reminds us of who we are and what we mean to each other.

  2. Christine

    This is a good article because I didn’t think about until I read it. Some of the stuff I do to show I am with him. I walk next to him, sometimes slightly behind him. We hold hands and sometimes arm in arm. When I ask him what I should eat if I can’t decide, he will tell me pick which one I want. Sometimes I will order and sometimes he will order for us. Our decisions are made together, but it will not be if it is electronics or car parts. He drives and holds the door open unless there is a reason I need to drive. He will grope me in public and sometimes it will be under the table when we are in the presence of company. He allows me a lot of freedom, but there things we do to show I belong to him. I am not comfortable with some things we do in public, but I need to work at because I belong to him and want to please him.

  3. Lea

    I could not have seen this post at a more opportune time. I really like the way you termed trying to seem as normal as possible in the context of others not having consented to be a part of your scene. It really puts things into perspective this way. I was recently in a park, in a semi-secluded yet public space where my hands were tied behind my back. Everything else was normal from the outside. You probably couldn’t even tell that my hands were tied, unless you walked RIGHT up to us. But those concerns are there – how public is too public?

    Great post!

  4. FuzzyP

    It’s such a wonderfully fine line to maintain the D/s roles out in public – something I really like doing. Subtle enough that the general (vanilla) public wouldn’t really notice, but sufficient that others in the lifestyle might well recognize what was going on.

    I drive her – and she decides what’s on the radio (none of my conservative talk radio)
    I’m generally behind and to the right – often carrying a shopping basket, pushing a cart or holding her purse.
    I get the doors (and I’d love to learn a smooth, non-awkward way to handle the double-door situation)
    We’re not a “couple” in the financial sense – so she pays for her own purchases – although I like to treat when I can – especially when we’re eating out.
    Although we each order our own, I make a point of waiting until she starts eating before I do.
    We generally dispense with the title “Goddess”, but I usually still call her Ma’am, and she still uses “fuzzy” for me – a somewhat unusual sobriquet. I recall one amusing ocasion – we were in “Dom Depot” – and her lawnmower needed parts. Normally I’d say something like, “If it’s OK with you, Ma’am, I’ll go get those parts now.” (Respectful, but not too obviously D/s.) Instead, from habit, I asked, “May I go fetch those parts, Godd….um… Ma’am?” That drew a couple looks, but was worth a laugh later.

    A particular public scenario that I’m guessing those of you with male Dominants don’t encounter too often is that of shoe shopping (only because the male Doms probably don’t relish shoe shopping quite the way the Fem Doms do). This is probably the one time that it’s blatently obvious to anyone looking that she is in charge. I’m behind her, carrying a stack of shoe boxes higher than my head, until she sits down and I get to kneel and put the shoes on her feet one pair at a time until she finds just the right ones. Then I get to put the others back (while politely declining the store staff’s offer of help). I was (jokingly) offered a job the one time.

    Going out in public with her is actually one of my favorite things to do.

  5. kinkybelle

    Interesting article and comments. Though my husband and I have never talked about it, from our first date (14 years ago today!) he has insisted that he open doors for me. When we’re walking through a parking lot or beside a roadway, he makes sure I’m on the inside and he is next to traffic. When we eat out, he will ask what I want before the server arrives, then he will order for us both. If he’s with me when I’m shopping for clothes, he likes to see me in whatever I’m trying on. As we’re walking through stores, he will often guide me by putting his hand in the small of my back. He’s always done these things. I never thought of them as public D/s until reading this article. I always thought he was just a little overprotective. But I’ve always enjoyed that he did these things. How weird that it’s such a part of us that I didn’t even realize what it was we were doing!

  6. sottomesso

    This is a fantastic post. Thank you so much. I guess it’s just easiest for me to go to foreign languages when referring to Him in public.

  7. His slut

    I love this post. It was by far one of the most informational ones I’ve read! My Owner and I do a lot of different things but since He is a OTR truck driver I ride with Him. So we are in public every day at least 80% of the time.

    ~He gets out of the truck and I must sit in His vacated seat and wait to be let out.
    ~I must Always walk on His left and back a step, my finger is in His belt loop unless He chooses to hold my hand.
    ~I must open all doors for Him except His truck then I must be behind Him and wait.
    ~When in a restaurant He tells the woman where He wants to sit (usually booth) then sits down. I must wait for Him to be comfy.
    ~He orders His then I order mine unless He chooses for me. He must take first bite/drink before I can begin.

    Those are a couple but yall get the idea. Thanks for some good ideas!

  8. Mae Bayne

    I must say that I love my life with my Master.
    I always have the alarm clock next to my side of the bed to turn off when the Alarm sounds ar 4:45am, then we get up he goes to his shower and I get his lunch together, his undergarments(undershirt,briefs and socks) put his 2 vitamins out with a bottle of water.]
    Make sure he has his tea and 2 sodas in his breifcase and his yougurt,fiber bar and spoon and poptarts for his snack, he works hard at work so he does eat kinda healthy and skips lunch so he can be home early.
    I then go back to sleep every AM when I am done and he is done with his morning things(shower,dress,walk the dog) I wake in a few hours when the child is awake, then Feed her and then clean the entire house daily, our bed/,laundry room,livingroom,diningroom,childs room, vacuum up/downstairs, wash all the windows, do any dishes and laundry for the day or week with laundry.
    Make a shopping list for the week.
    It is a great relationship.
    When we are out, he NEVER lets me open the car door EVER or I get punishment, we walk out of the house, he opens the car door, we stop at ANY store I must wait until he comes around for me ,then we get our child out.
    I can not open door, he is the master I must obey, I have no say in finances or what to order when out, he knows me well enough to know what I love and don’t/
    He picks the clothes for me to wear when we shop and everything A-Z.
    I love it this way and it will always be.
    I have a real collar, not a dog collar but one from Eternity website, it is a wonderful feeling everyday to look in the mirrior and know who I belong to.
    I am his slave, his lover,his bride, his everything .
    It even goes as far as sexual favors and doing what he wants, yes he does what I love, but I do not, hm lets say orgasom for me, it is purely for him, it is a great/healthy sex life, the rape, the touches the kisses. Everything I had dreamed or fantasized about as a teenager, now being 27 it is my first relationship like this and it is amazing. it is everyting I had thought it would be and MORE!

  9. Mae Bayne

    he always pulls the seat out for me as well when we are out in public eating , I must make sure he is also served dinner and drink first in PRIVATE, but in public he orders for me, no need to ask or me ask.

  10. alaskababe

    My German will walk ahead of me through a bar with his right hand behind him open and I always take his hand and let him lead me into the crowd. He will find a place for us and then scout out stools for us, always seating me first. In eateries, he lets me choose where we sit but he sits on the same side of the booth right next to me. He will put his arm around my waist and pull me close to him and whisper really nice naughty things to me. He calls me his “snugglebunny”. He decides where we go when we go out. He knows I like live music so usually we will hear some great music during the evening. Once he told me ” good girl” after an orgasm. That felt so good. We have been together for just over six months and once I asked him to dinner and wanted to pay. He agreed. When the check came and I laid my credit card on the bill, I asked him ” is this ok?” He said just this once. If he needs more napkins or other things, I will go get it for him. Recently found one of his many skills, passed a pool table once in a bar and challenged him to a game of pool. I was pretty good player when I was younger and he said yes. He said it would be like taking candy from a baby. He was a very good pool player and beat me but said no to rematch cause he cant have too much candy. ( He is very health conscious.) He always waits for me to get out of the jeep but then I follow him. He takes very good care of me.

  11. Obsidian

    The “normal” are the minority. So why would anyone strive be such?

  12. Matt

    My Mistress and I just attended a friends pool party. I did all the usual things, opened the door for Her, carried Her bags, got Her food and drinks, and applied Her sunscreen. What was particularly exciting was kneeling in the shallow end while She stood. Nobody was the wiser. Does anyone have any other fun ways of showing their submission in public?

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