Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

Thisgirl is a 30 year old submissive living in the UK and engaged to her Master, Grimly. To contact her visit her blog or by fetlife or e-mail

7 responses to “Collars and More: Symbols of Ownership in a D/s Relationship”

  1. hoffmana8

    How long should it be after the start of a relationship, that a collar should be introduced? Any collar or symbol?

  2. thisgirl

    I think it depends on the individual relationship as to what is appropriate and where both people involved are wanting it to go, and also it maybe depends on how much contact there has been for instance in a long distance or online relationship it make take longer to be sure its a direction you want to go in.

    i think the average, based on my experience and based on friends is probably 3-6 months. If it has gone beyond ‘casual play’ and more committed it might feel appropriate to introduce a play collar i.e. a leather one or other style that can easily be removed.

    i suppose this is the same as asking a vanilla couple ‘when is it appropriate to first say i love you’ the answer…it depends when you’re ready!

  3. starrise

    my Master branded me, putting His mark on me. i also see this as a sign that he loves me and owns me. i don’t expect anything else from Him, this is enough. i love to feel His fingers tracing over the branding as well, it’s a great feeling for me. i know that He loves me and the feeling i get knowing that i am owned by Him is indescribable.

  4. piya

    I’ve been looking around the internet forever trying to find the chinese symbols for submissive or slave and each site has more then one image for the words! I’m not sure which are accurate. We plan to make a tattoo out of the symbols so i need to make sure they are the right ones! Any help you could give would be greatly appreciated!

  5. lunaKM

    There are no “exact” symbol for what you seek, however your best source of information is to find someone who writes and speaks the language who can guide you to the symbol you want. Try college campuses or cultural centers.

  6. it

    My Lehrer recently gently encouraged (suggested?) that i cut my hair short, though understanding that i do not find short hair attractive or feminine, and helped find several style ideas for me to choose from. Afterwards i had a total breakdown- hating it, hating myself, crying like a teenager who just caught her first boyfriend banging her mom. He did have to correct me and guide me, physically and emotionally, with a lesson on judging myself in ways that He does not approve of, and viewing myself as a whole rather than a body made up of details. He forced me to see a whole me through the breakdown, sexual and powerful and beautiful, to look at myself as He gets to see me. And then watched me celebrate and surrender that back to Him, to see myself only as He sees me. He knew all along it would be hell for me, i think, but it pleases Him so much to see the pain bloom into deeper strength.

  7. Marina Fry

    Interesting comments, especially regarding hair. My Master and I switch, and my first submissive gesture was to have a haircut. We both have a hair fetishism, which is how we met, as I had a bowl cut imposed upon me in a previous relationship, which he nor iced and i’s what drew hI’m to me. I however embraced this cut, I have derived power and strength from it, enjoying the impact and definition it carries. So I hope you, It, will eventually feel the same way about your hair cut.
    Maintenance is much of the process during ‘play’ and we both derive pleasure from the shaving and clipper in processes. This is our current way of ‘branding’ each other, though eventually, further steps will be taken.

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