Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

lunaKM a full-time slave in an M/s relationship. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

90 responses to “What FetLife Has Done”

  1. kitten

    I can definitely say I wasn’t a big fan of fetlife from the day I was introduced. I found out about fetlife through people on Yahoo chat back when it was still up and running of course and so many of those people ridiculed me as a submissive and slave for being unwilling to call every man or woman that walked into a yahoo chatroom and called themselves dom or domme sir or ma’am.

    I wasn’t raise as a submissive, and by that I mean I was not introduced into being a submissive/slave and then taught to be one. I was introduced into this world and knew what I wanted from this world. I thought it was important to explore as both slave and submissive and was immediately called a switch and not a real submissive because I could switch. Knowing people like that are on Fetlife makes me not really want to be a part of the site in all honesty.

    I’ve been lucky to meet rather decent people, but most of the doms that I have come to encounter online ae jokes and so are the submissives. To think you can walk into a submissives life and command her is follish and to think every person that says they are dominant then calls you to be a doormat is foolish. I’ve never seen such groups of strange dysfuntional, incestuous, nonsensical, foolishness nor such meaningless relationships except when I was in high school.

  2. newsub

    I first discovered fetlife at the very beginning of my journey. I found it to be incredibly informative as to the different types of play, which I then googled for a description. It helped me to establish my limits and really educated me with regards to BDSM and what I was actually looking for. However, when it came to meeting people, I was bombarded with messages from people wanting photos or cybersex and the mentality of some people reminded me of playground politics! Eventually I found it all too tiring and deleted my account, which was a shame because the site taught me so much.

  3. Ron

    So correct, kitten. I’ve often had to struggle to keep a straight face meeting some of these people at public play parties and how out of touch their screen nics are with their real persona, physically and mentally.
    ‘Cuddle bunny’ turns out to be a colossally obese woman, while ‘Vampire Gladiator’ (and don’t forget the caps) is a weedy, scrawny midget of no great personality with bad breath. It’d be funny if it weren’t real. Oh well, I’m told that it’s just a manifestation of the fantasy world, and their fantasies are as valid as mine.
    Gotta try it to know where you stand I guess.

  4. kitten

    I don’t know, I definitely do not think that is true. I was introduced to the sexual side of BDSM in my early to mid teens. (I’ve been with a lot of old perverts.) Without ever truly experiencing what it meant to be a slave or a submissive that was what was in my heart. Nothing brings me more pleasure than to service my Master and I have yet to service him sexually. It’s his pride in me that makes me happy, the structure in his strong hand that keeps me level and the fact that I know if I treat him like I have treated any other man that he’d put me in my place and leave me there with the rest of the trash submissives that I have encountered online.

    I knew what it meant to be a submissive, but why not take advantage of a man-boy that calls himself a dominant and can’t even control his own life.

    I think what bothers me even more is this new world of velcro collars and dominants who just hand them out like like a pedo with candy at a comic-con. I can’t ask why no one speaks out about it because I just watch and shake my head in absolute shame, but it’s cheapened things to a point where a collar has lost meaning to some that they used to mean something to. When did collaring someone become less of a commitment and more of a graduation ring? People retire dog collars and these schmucks are collaring 15 people all in the same day that they have invested a week of their lives into.

    I am honestly only still on fetlife because my Master is, before he became my Master I deleted fetlife, but he asked me to reopen my account and journal there for him. Other than that I don’t really talk to people on Fetlife. They are sexual monsters and you have to dig through so much garbage to find decent people.

  5. Ron

    I think we’re fairly close to each other, kitten, from your descriptions.

    “I think what bothers me even more is this new world of velcro collars and dominants who just hand them out like like a pedo with candy at a comic-con.”

  6. kitten

    Sure, the site in and of itself can be informative, but I think the thing that always bothered me is how sexually driven everything has become online. I think yes you can have sexual kinks and they don’t bleed into your normal life, but I think a lot of people got into this just to kind of live on the edge because getting bent over and pounded wasn’t edgy enough.

    Some people would say because I live this life 24/7 I think I’m better than the people who do it just for sex, but my biggest issue is mentally broken people saying they are following the guidelines of SSC or RACK, but they aren’t because to be mentally incapable in every day life is foolish to then try to control someone else’s life or submit yourself to someone else’s way of doing things because the question I ask is, are you doing it for the right reasons or are you doing it to get off. Some of those people are capable of change, but only if they take a hard look in the mirror.

    I don’t mean to put D/s relationships above other relationships, but I feel they should be. I have never approached a true dominant the same way I approach a an. Probably because I know I won’t get the same results from the two situations. There are two major points I noticed when it comes to sexually driven D/s people and vanilla people 1) there is a constant level of denial about who they are and they will make a story a lifetime long to avoid the things that reveal their true nature 2) they are extremely lonely and while they complain about never finding love they aren’t looking for it, they are looking for someone to manipulate and control.

    There are very few whole people in this sea of halflings. My biggest issue is that the halflings will float where ever necessary to feel loved for five minutes instead of taking five minutes to love themselves which in turn makes a good thing look bad.

  7. Ron

    Yes, I agree. It’s not a popular opinion but I’ve grown to believe that there are more nutters in ‘the lifestyle’ than not. There are certainly far more nasties. It’s become a kind of refuge for the desperate.

  8. kitten

    Meh. Some people are not worth the breath. It bothers me more than anything that good people who are genuinely curious about this lifestyle are introduced to the majority which seems to be a bunch of fake people online. It’s sad because I know what it’s like being around those people.

    I am lucky I met my Master though and though he wasn’t ready to be a Master when I met him. Later in life he took time and grew as a man and we ended up getting back together nearly eight years later, but the difference is he realized he was wrong and when he had the opportunity to have me back in his life he took it not only for himself, but for me as well because I am the main focus in every way right now, but that is to continue my own personal growth.

  9. kitten

    I don’t know, I pretty just use my fet page as a way to do journal entries on a regular basis.

  10. Jessica

    what is a an?
    “I have never approached a true dominant the same way I approach a an”

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