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lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

110 responses to “What FetLife Has Done To Change The Kink Community”

  1. FatherJon

    Sadly, Bianca, you’re on the money there! Fet is just a garbage bin for all the losers and wannabes whose main sex life is a weekend chat session online.
    There ARE a few pearls among the pebbles, for sure, but you have to look long and hard to find them.

  2. Paul Zucker

    I’ve always used BDSM secretly. But now with fettle, I can use it in a much freer way. BSDM has come out of the closet! It is becoming mainstream. People are now allowed to talk about BDSM in public, not behind closed doors. People are becoming more liberated. This is America!

  3. Rick

    Just recent signed up and not impressed at all, “money” seems to be the re-occurring theme on there among women. Needless to say I think I’ll be deleting my account soon which is a shame because I was actually hoping to connect with people in the community, and not for a “fee”.

  4. FatherJon

    I’m not in the least surprised at your disappointment in Fetlife. Money seems to be the only criteria which keeps the website running. It’s become a fulcrum for every nutter and whiner to get at people they don’t like. Baku even allows ex-members to be abused and vilified by the paying members. He’s allowed it to become a shooting gallery for cupie dolls. He’s only looking at the bottom line and doesn’t follow his own TOUs, which is all to the detriment of the website’s integrity.

    I understand that he’s in negotiation to sell it to Penthouse which means that a healthy bottom line will drive his selling price up.

    I don’t know what’s going to happen to the mental cripples who rely on it so much, it’s almost become a halfway house for mental defectives.

  5. Lin

    As someone who has known about fetlife for years but is only just accepting her kinky side, I was looking at signing up myself. Now I’m wondering after a friend was subjected to a number of acts they didn’t consent to and left with whiplash so severe from unexpected choking, they’re in agony and can barely walk or sleep, five days on. That isn’t all they suffered and they can’t say a word against the person. It’s against the rules. It makes me sick, it breaks my heart and it scares me. The perpetrator is very popular there too and part of a local gathering. If you’re a victim of an abuser or a crazy and dangerous person you’re on your own and you can’t even speak out to warn others online. Maybe there’s only a few bad people but ripples reach far no matter how small the stone dropped in the pool.

  6. FatherJon

    Take it from one who knows, there are a lot of very nasty, unbalanced people on Fetlife.
    Don’t forget it’s mainly a money spinner for the owner who tries to tart it all up with bells and trinkets, so to speak, a haven for lost and lonely souls who can’t get recognition elsewhere.

    They’re not all bad people, but you do have to be very cautious in order to find the odd gem amongst the pebbles. For the mentally unstable and deranged FL merely provides a safe vantage spot to launch potty bombs at anyone who comes into sight and with whom they disagree. The pejoratives, ‘nazi…Islamophobe…misogynist…racist’ are common currency among these ingrates in the social/political forums when they can’t actually generate a reasoned counter argument.

    Each to their own, but watch for the warning signs and don’t get sucked in.


  7. Mark

    FatherJon, no one sounds smart when they make anti-women comments. Perhaps if you eliminate terms such as “femonazi” from your vocabulary, you won’t be banned from as many sites. Fetishists are perfectly capable of showing respect to other people. The complaints against you sound like they might be legitimate considering the derogatory terms you use just in these comments alone.

    Please don’t be too offended. This is just friendly advice because your feedback is very insightful otherwise.

  8. FatherJon

    Well, Mark, you make some assumptions there. I’ve only been ‘banned’ from a couple of sites in my internet career, which is pretty good considering the kind of sanctimonious, irascible people who tend to inhabit these venues. I am a bit of a rough diamond and tend to call a spade a spade, if you get my meaning, but reasonable people get on well with me.

    I use the portmanteau term ‘femonazi’ advisedly, to describe some of the seriously troubled women who set themselves up as arbiters of taste. They seem to be everywhere these days.
    I’ve met and known many and it’s only through my experience in real time, that I became disdainful of them. Fortunately I’m comfortable in my own skin these days, perfectly happy with my lot in life, and have no need to stride the dark halls of the BDSM world anymore.

    Be well in what you’re seeking,


  9. LexTalionis

    FatherJon versus Mark. Ladies an gentlemen, you have just experienced Fetlife firsthand. Lol.

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