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17 responses to “The Wife vs The Slave: Similarities and Differences in the Relationship Roles”

  1. Arimia

    I have been in a 24/7 D/s marriage for the past 4 years. My husband has recently made his wishes known that he desires for us to start moving towards a M/s relationship.

    One thing that I have noticed since I started considering the move to M/s is that when one considers relinquishing all of their rights the negative traits in their partner appear to shine brighter.

    At present if my husband and Dom does something that I feel is in poor judgement, I have the right to bring it to his attention. I just have to remain respectful in my approach. Potentially as slave I will have no recourse. These feelings are leading to some interesting conversations or shall I say negioations (lol) now.

    This was a very good article. I enjoyed it very much.

    Warm Regards

  2. keptgirl

    Enjoyed your article.

    On the M/s journey as one who began it without knowing fully if I could do it or what it meant. Luckily, I’m not alone and together we keep working things through against all odds I suppose!

    I like your ideas that M/s has much of the favorable aspects which might keep more marriages from dissolving if re-embraced from earlier marital values. … Neat stuff! ;)

  3. subinbliss

    Thanks for this..I loved it. I think the “throwback” marriage style is one that keeps a marriage together. I can see many ways an m/s lifestyle mirror my own marriage and i’m sure many others.

  4. DaddysLilGirl

    This was a really wonderful write up. I love the correlation between the bible and old school marriage. Great piece. Thank you!!

  5. Sexperts

    This is a great article, and I’ve often written in my blog and on Fetlife about how D/s is no longer “P.C.” Sadly, those of us in the lifestyle get judged as being in abusive or harmful relationships, all because of some constantly changing and evolving cultural notion of what is “politically correct.”

  6. A.

    In your article, you seem to advocate a return to the past. You convey a certain nostalgia for the past. In the past you claim there was more trust, better marriages, less abuse, etc. Those are not claims that are supported by evidence. They are just your words, empty and meaningless. Pipe dreams. You look back on the past and see an idealized dream where women found no shame in submission. She was free to be a proper woman, not a traitor to the feminist movement. I can understand that, given the oppression that you feel. However, I would not want to be forced back into the institutionalized rules of the past because I understand that my freedoms are important for my physical, mental, and emotional well being.

    Abuse *was* prevalent in the past. It simply wasn’t as acknowledged as it is now. It was hidden, more secretive, and certainly more accepted. I don’t see the point here in chastising wives just because abuse and divorce is still prevalent today. Abuse going to exist in every sphere, whether vanilla or D/s. Abuse is going to happen because of stupidity, drug and alcohol abuse, and many other potential factors. I do not believe that being in D/s relationship somehow protects you from abuse or even protects you from some degree of abuse that “wives” (as opposed to slaves) experience.

    Your article would be better if it wasn’t so defensive. You seem like you’re competing somehow with women who are married. You’re afraid that they look down upon you at the same time you are looking down upon them, insinuating (or at least questioning it) that women’s hard earned freedoms somehow destroy marriages, relationships, and happiness. You advise married women to take a lesson from their sisters in bondage but honestly, I think your views are distorted and you need to educate yourself.

    Just fyi, I’m not married. I’m a submissive, not a slave. I understand how being a stay-at-home submissive is devalued and not supported in today’s culture. I know that feeling of wishing we could go back into the past to the days of submission. I’ve felt it many times. But I know it’s an unrealistic fantasy that has no basis in a meaningful reality. It’s like Gor where there is this whole philosophy about female slavery that just happens to be required to exist where women don’t get pregnant or age and you never read about how women get slaughtered because a man feels like it. That would burst someone’s bubble. It’s the same with the past. Submission was supported back then but it was also enforced, even when it destroyed women’s lives. That’s so uncool. Let’s just be happy we are where we are today. Free and consensual, like it should be.

  7. Chris

    First: I know this reply is very late. I just found it and felt I had to write something. I dont know if anyone reads this any more. I guess it’s more for myself anyway.

    I find this article very interesting and I thought I’d write a few words (feedback if you will) as a man. I have to agree with A. There is no evidence that I know of that suggests that marriages were in any way better back when women were less free. Besides, “better” is a very loose term. It’s true, I guess, that marriages lasted longer. But i suspect that was a result of women being caught in situations they had no way of getting out of. They simply had to endure. I guess in a M/s relationship the same thing happens, but we have to remember that there is still choice, or at least there was choice to begin. Also, we have to appreciate that a slave who have submits to a M/s relationshiop today can still get out of it… The bonds are mental, not physical, and they are set by the slave, not the master or society. The act of giving up choice is still a choice in itself.

    I believe that it is better the way it is today where women are free to do as they want. They can willingly enter into a M/s relationship, a marriage, a D/s relationship or just skip relationships altogether. They can also choose to leave one state and enter another. Society should be more accepting of all these choices though (and others, if I missed any) as long as they are consetial.

    As a man, I would treasure the relationhip with a woman who willingly submitted herself to me more than one that was based on not free choice but rather pressure from convensions or society. It’s hard enough though to find a meaningful “conventional” relationship today… To actually meet a submissive woman with the same views on life… well I could just as well plan to win the lottery ;)

    Also, we should not forget that there are men out there who also want to live as slaves. I would guess that this form of a M/s relationship would be more accepted today than it would have been before.

  8. Jen

    Chris, I read it and appreciate it so much:
    “As a man, I would treasure the relationship with a woman who willingly submitted herself to me more than one that was based on not free choice but rather pressure from conventions or society.”
    This is exactly how I hope men feel! Paradoxically, stronger guarantees of freedom make the world safer for a woman to submit wholeheartedly to a man. I hope things are going that direction.

  9. Chris

    Thank you Jen :)

    I can’t speak for all men and I suspect some simply don’t care how or why they achieve domination. This is not something that comes up in discussion, at least not in my usual forums where sexual conventions or orientations are not talked about freely, so this is only a feeling, mind.

    It is remarkable that those men seem to be attracting more women though. Maybe it’s mainly because they are more open with their goal of being the dominating part of a relationship. It’s always confused me how men who show open disrespect for women seem to have no problem attracting them.

  10. AJ

    What “Lord and Master” bible verse are you quoting? I don’t recall reading that.

  11. lunaKM

    Since I’m not sure that Beth follows this post anymore, I thought I’d like to a few quotes complied on how to be a “good wife”

  12. nina

    I love being my husband’s slave as well…. i serve him the best i can and luv to make him proud of me… i work full time and am a mother of 2 soon to be 3… sometimes im sad because i would love to be a stay at home mom and submissive…. it gets to me so bad sometimes …. i just want to devote myself to my husband and kids ….. it hurts to have to work…. i agree with wanting things to be like they were before the sixties because back then women normally stayed at home and prices were lower because society knew that only one partner worked. Now that society knows (expects) both partners to work they have risen costs etc….

  13. A husband

    I loved the article very much. Im very dominate by nature, and sadly, so is my wife. I can tell you for a fact that with my wife being dominate as well, many of my emotional, physical, and intellectual needs go unsatisfyed. People dont realize what control a wife in the 50′s actually had from her submissive role. They controlled the health of the family, the food that was bought, the organization of the home, and the childrens education outside of school. my house is a mess because cleaning house is “beneath” her. my wife and i are over weight because she only buys junk food. And because of this, we will soon be divorced. so a throwback would have been nice.

  14. nadiafox

    I have a question that I cant seem to find an answere to… my bf/D wants a slave. As I am not that,he wants to bring another female into our circle. I am not comfortable with him getting close emotionally with another woman, he says its not like that….but I have doudts. I was wondering if anyone else has had this issue and how do I proceeded from here.

  15. lunaKM


    Look up poly relationships. Some are just play oriented and have no emotional connection required. Others are just like having 2 distinct romantic relationships. The goal is that you talk to him extensively before embarking because you need to be fully on board, and have established limits before he goes searching for another.

  16. Amy

    Hello. I’m in a m/s relationship and am struggling. My master’s training style feels abusive. We started out d/s just by human nature but to stay with him I had to chose m/s or he would leave. His rules are strict and isolating. Very mental. I feel afraid most of the time. He says he’s training me to be selfless. Is completely breaking my spirit necessary for me to be completely selfless and not want or need anything…?

  17. lunaKM

    No it’s not necessary. If you feel like it’s abusive it probably is. All people have wants and needs and trying to negate them is not a good idea. I think you should re-evaluate how you feel about this relationship and if it’s really a healthy one for you or not. It sounds very unhealthy to me.