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lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

8 responses to “5 Types of Power Exchange Relationships”

  1. A Neko's Development - Where do I fit in this community?

    [...] an avid surfer of While riding through I came across lunaKM’s post Many Different Relationship Types, and read through [...]

  2. LunarMovements

    I was wondering what your opinion might be of the types of relationships described on the website I say “types” plural, because they tend to be rather inclusive on that website. However the majority of relationships described there tend to include aspects of both Male-Led Vanilla and Dominant/Submissive. By this I mean that there is, to a certain degree, a 50′s style to the way the couples relate to one another, despite the fact that most of the women commenting there work outside the home. However they also celebrate the erotic nature of the man asserting his dominance and the woman allowing her submissiveness to blossom. The roles are set. There is no “switching”. Discipline is an important element, and often takes the form of spanking. But other forms of physical discipline (i.e. more overtly BDSM) are not usually included. That being said, the Taken in Hand community freely admits to the eroticism of physical discipline and do not make any attempt to maintain a distance between an act of discipline and sex the way some Domestic Discipline communities do.

    They define a Taken in Hand relationship as described in the following three paragraphs:

    “A Taken In Hand relationship is a wholehearted sexually exclusive relationship in which, to the delight of both parties, the man actively controls the woman. The degree of control and the way the man retains control vary from Taken In Hand couple to Taken In Hand couple, but in all cases both the man and the woman actively want the man to have the upper hand.

    The woman may not identify with the word ‘submissive’, and, especially at the beginning of the relationship, may need to be thoroughly conquered. However, no matter how strong, tough and forceful a Taken In Hand woman may be, and no matter how hard she might try to take control in their relationship, she would be aghast if her man were to let her get the upper hand. Likewise, no matter how loving, kind and considerate the man may be, he prefers to keep his woman firmly in hand.

    The man wears the trousers, but he puts the woman and the relationship first. His control is active and ongoing rather than passive or a one-off.”

    So, what do you think? Is this kind of relationship worthy of it’s own category? Or have I misinterpreted those categories you’ve already listed?

  3. princess

    I have just started my own blog about Domestic Discipline.

    Princess x

  4. Hunters Shyness

    I was googling to find info on something and this popped up so I gave it a read. I knw myself that most relationships do not fit into any one category. I am 24/7 a Daddy’s girl, submissive with slave tendencies. There is never room for negotiation in this household. What he says goes. That may sound harsh but it’s really not. My safety and well being are always are first and foremost. We live, love and laugh. I know many that live the lifestyle and I couldn’t begin to put them in a category either. Each relationship has it’s own dynamics. I vote to take the list away and accept everyone as they are, and respect them as individuals.

  5. A man

    To me “Female led vanilla relationsship” seems to be most attractive. I can’t stand pain, bondage, verbal humiliation, orgasm denial and cuckolding. I would love role reveral and feminization, but it is difficult to enter into this and stay there. I suppose with the female could use “coersion” and strong support, it would be far easier. Careful testing of female garment alone gave a very strong relief and feeling of physical well-beeing. This testing was very good, but I had to struggle against a strange mental barrier to do it. Despite the very good feeling I was only able to stay in that state of feminity og female garments for a very short time. I suppose the correct guiding, support and coersion from a woman could help and hopefully keep me in that state.

  6. Anon Frenchie

    How would you define a relationship which would involve BDSM in the sexual arena only?
    How about one in which one of the participants is a switch and bisexual?
    In everyday life I need to be in control of my own life however sexually I’m open to being dominated.
    In this case a dom/sub relationship would be the most appropriate title. However it’s not ideal.

  7. A man

    @Anon Frenchie.
    1. “How would you define a relationship which would involve BDSM in the sexual arena only?”
    I am not sure. The sadism part, pain, binding etc. do not seem attractive to me. But the use of power and physcical coersion facinates.

    2. “How about one in which one of the participants is a switch and bisexual?”
    Switch can be OK. I can only dominate softly, but can not enter an area where i get the feeling of doing an assult or harassment. But mainly I am mostly submissive.
    A bisexual woman is more interesting than a heterofile woman, because it opens for more than one woman to participate. I can not explain why, but I am not able to have sex where an other man participate.
    In my conception women must use feminization on a man to make him softer, weaker and to be able to dominate him. With female garments on I felt really weak and vulnerable and got a very deep satisfying relief. I suppose a woman then would have a far easier possibility to playrape me and get a satisfying rush of power.

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