Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

SubWise #8 – Submission in Public

Last week I asked you to talk all about submission in public.

Make sure you leave comments!

(Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.)

pet’s journey

The conversation isn’t over. If you would like to share your thoughts, please do so in the comments!

lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

14 responses to “SubWise #8 – Submission in Public”

  1. Theresa

    When I get the chance, I like to show my submission publically.

    For my Dom Partner and I, it’s about the small things. I have to walk on his left side, he will sometimes hold my wrist if hes not holding my hand, and I wear some kind of a collar whenever we are together. I will even answer him with “Yes/No Daddy” if told to, if not the fall back is usually “Yes/No Sir”.

    It’s not much but for us its a nice start. We hope to to incorporate more outward submission as we progress.
    .-= Theresa´s last blog ..Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig =-.

  2. littlecubsub

    I am submissive to Master where ever we happen to be. If it is in public, then so be it. It is not something turned on or off.

    If in a store, I can ask to see things or buy things, Master will say OK or not this time. Our close friends know about our lifestyle so it is not strange for them to see me deferring to Master, his relatives just think I am very polite and nice, ha, ha which also means they are always telling Master to make sure he is looking after me. :)

  3. lesme

    Mostly i wear a black velvet collar. Sometimes from lether. But its easier for a woman to wear something who looks as a collar. And i speak always polite to my Mistress, always asking what She wants. And our friends now how W/we live. and others find me extreme polite and very humble :) But thats what W/we need in our realation. And when we walk hand in hand my Mistress is mostly taking me by the wriste. Not always but many times She do that as a sign she is owning me.

  4. Kasey

    We are not in a place in our lives where we can be public, in any way, with our private lifestyle. We have kiddos afoot and they would simply not understand. I have been wearing a tight necklace to become accustomed to wearing something tight on my throat. Once we find a collar that Master likes, it won’t seem weird for me to wear it because I’ll have been wearing something for a long time. I have also been carrying stories I’ve written for my Master in my bag. When I have a minute, or have to wait, I pull out the story(stories) and re-read them. Sometimes, I get an idea of how to continue the story, other times I think of a whole new story. And I imagine the people around me as characters. This helps me feel my place no matter where I am.

  5. Miscie

    Thank you all for this question. My Dom and i actually had a conversation about a week ago about how we should address eachother if in public. He wasn’t comfortable calling me what he usually calls me which is little miss so He came up with the name Miscie. He is leaving it up to me whether or not i want to call Him Sir or “D” which is the first letter in his name and in the word Dom. Right now i call him D most of the time – Sir is used for special times. We have not been able to go out into public together yet so i’m not sure what that dynamic will be like. As long as i remain respectful and attentive then i think it will work out well.
    .-= Miscie´s last blog .. =-.

  6. johnswoodshed

    From an Old Dom’s point of view.
    Sorry about the late posting.
    First I’m in my 60’s and have been living in D’s community for 50 years. I acquired my first sub in high school in the early 60’s, and “YES” we knew what we were trying to do even at that age. I have had the very special privilege of 8 female sub’s giving me their submission over the years. My current sub is in her early 40’s and will be with me until I die.
    Now about “Submission in Public”:
    My sub wears a leather collar all of the time, the only exception being her place of work, in the water, and during sleep, she requires permission to remove it. When in public I will attach her leach to her collar and lead her around by it. If I hand her the leach she may go where she wants on her own (within reason), if I drop her leach she must stay where she is. She is not allowed to talk with anyone without permission when on her leach, but when off leach she may talk to anyone unless I stop it. If she wants to talk with me she tugs on her leach to let me know. She may not talk without permission when on her leach.
    I hope this helps someone.

  7. btrainwreck

    I serve sir however he likes when we are outside of the house. I doctor his coffee at coffeehouses, respect his wishes, ask him permission to enter certain stores, entertain our friends with witty banter, and retrieve drinks for everyone on evenings out. We are open with our kinks to friends but never really told them about our 24/7 lifestyle. They just think that I am subserviant and that is right! (beams with pride)

  8. saroona

    I am very new to this lifestyle and also living in a different country from my master we haven’t actually been able to live our desires yet even though we have been in a loving relationship for five years

    Now to the point I wanted to make public submission hidden discreetly is one of the things i am most excited for.
    The subtle signs of dominance will give me goosebumps!

  9. JuicyGirl

    My Master has provided me with rules that I am to follow. He wants me to succeed as much as I want to please him. In public, My Master does all the ordering. He decides where, when and what we do. I do not give my opinion unless Master asks for it. If I have a need that needs fulfilled/addressed, I can ask my Master. When in public I do not make eye contact with anyone other than my Master. When in public, I address him as Master. We have not had an opportunity where I have had to address him other. I have on occasion erred (as it is hard not to make eye contact with a server and thank them) and made eye contact with a server and it’s extremely hard for them to not address my Master when it comes to the specifications of an order, so I have learned to become ‘preoccupied’ with the menu or some other object where I am looking away and he is then able to answer for me.

  10. john

    I love how johnswoodshed apologized for posting ‘late’ and the last post was four years after that. Let’s keep this thread going!

    Most public stuff is often under the clothes (chastity cage, etc) and she will inspect quickly if given the chance but open displays between us are not very obvious. Femdom with man as sub can be difficult in public because we can’t just spin it as being polite and ‘traditional’ as it flies in the face of tradition. Mostly just knowing glances. Double entendres or private whispering. Also she wears the key on her necklace so that’s pretty public. When people ask about it she says “my husband gave me the key to his heart,” which is close enough.

    She doesn’t always want me to act so submissive in public either, so there’s that. In the public domain she feels more comfortable if we appear to be more equal, but she doesn’t let me forget it’s just an act for the world and she is really in charge. It’s always there. She just doesn’t want to come across as domineering or abusive to others so we drop it when we go out but it is always there.

  11. bucko

    No body is more new to this than me… the humiliation in public would be a commitment to being a submissive. Like a Mistress pulling me around by my member. Kneeling under a table, head under her dress, pleasing and pleasuring her.

  12. MissSkye

    I’m an experienced sub with a novice Dom, and we’re both in our early twenties. This can lead to some interesting public relations since it’s very uncommon to had such subservience in a couple of our ages. We’re quite subtle, I don’t wear a collar because it would look very much out of place with what I wear and where we live. I do, however wear a scarf or something symbolic if we are out together. He loves me for my wit, so with him I have free reign of speech, while always being polite and respectful. He always orders for me and I will always fetch things for him. If I’m insolent – I don’t mean to be, I’m just stubborn and speak before I think – he will shut me up with a look and twisting my wrist to get that sharp pain. He has me treat his male friends and family the way I treat him, serving them as I would him – they all just think I’m the most polite and attentive girl. Where I can get away with it I sit below him, at his feet if I can. He’s very affectionate towards me, so it never looks harsh or like he’s mistreating me as often people might think. Many of my friends know about us but few of his do. His parents adore me because they think I’m just the sweetest, polite, respectful little thing. I’m proud to be his.

  13. cyclegirl

    I have been a submissive for a little over a year to my master, but it has been strictly in private, right now my master is deployed to Africa, so it makes it makes things very hard; however, why I am commenting is that I need some advice. We are going to try a somewhat 24/7 dom for part of his post deployment leave. because it will be a constant thing I know there will be public submission; I am very excited but also apprehensive. I worry at how people would think about him or even say to him. I also wonder if I will be able to hold a submissive mindset for an extended period of time. Does anyone have any advice about how to calm down and submit fully for an extended period of time? are there any tips about being a submissive and general rules about public dominance and submission?
    we are starting to talk about boundaries and this is what we have so far
    1. He will hold my hand or wrist at all times. When he releases it I am allowed to go anywhere within his sight.
    2. I will not speak unless he allows it
    3. I will fetch what is needed for him.
    4. I will bend down in a certain way when grabbing things
    5. When at dinner he will order for me and I may not speak to the waitress unless he allows it.

    Right now we are at the beginning stages of setting boundaries for 24/7. Any advice about adding to or taking away from this list?
    you help would be very appreciated!
    I miss my master dearly and cant wait for his return in either July or August
    thank you

  14. Dashie

    Ill give mine. In public i wear a Day collar, typically my Tag or a simple o-ring on a necklace. I stay by Daddy’s side at all times, unless directed to go get a item he cant get to right away. I am to ask him if i can get snacks or sweets when shopping for food, even though i have my own money for food, i still binge eat so he manages my money and food so i eat healthier. At restaurants, i do order my own food usually, or i ask him to order what i want, when he asks what i want.

    When around people, we just seem like a normal couple, We get looks since im 22 and he is 45. lol. and although we are both consenting adults, i still sneak in calling him Daddy even if it isnt loud enough for people to hear. Other title is Master, sir, and jokingly, old man or his name. Which he laughs at.

    DDLG is harder to hide, but my typical style of dressing outside the house is vanilla like. and very covering of my body. I feel that nobody needs to see any parts of me that belong to Daddy. So i dress in layers, not because Daddy asks but since i wish to represent his honor and being dominant, i often will put on makeup and do my hair nicely. I speak with a happy/fun tone of my voice, or a respectful calm low voice. Depending on if asked Questions or general chit chat.

    Not much other then that. :)

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