Chaos incarnate? You’ve got to be kidding.

I never really know how to start these things.  I must have introduced myself a hundred times, in a hundred different places, and a hundred different ways, and I still don’t know how to start these things.  While we’re all constantly spewing forth information about how we live and who we are, we never really sit and think about it quite as specifically as we’re forced to in an online introduction.

Hi.  I’m Rayne, from Insatiable Desire.  You may have seen my guest post, a while back, on the difference between a submissive and a slave.  I’ve been blogging about my relationship with my husband since September of 2003, but I haven’t really been putting my back into it quite as much as I should until recently.  All of a sudden, I really want to be heard.

Funny, that.  I’m usually pretty shy.

So, let’s get the unimportant stuff out of the way, shall we?

I’ve been owned since 2002 and I’ll be thirty in April.  I like to read, hike (especially Geocaching), listen to an eclectic range of music, dance, sing, laugh, love… But writing’s my passion.  Right after sex.  And I combine the two by reviewing sex toys and writing a weekly column about master/slave relationships at Eden Cafe, the blog of one of the companies I review for.  Luna’s been so kind as to give me another place to run off at the fingertips here, at Submissive Guide, and I’m hoping I don’t let her down.

But that’s not what you want to know, huh? You want me to get down and dirty.  Tell you who I really am, huh?

My profile just about everywhere says I’m:

A loving slave with sadistic tendencies and masochistic desires. Chaos incarnate. The girl your mother warned you about.

And that’s no joke.  I’m neurotic, and paranoid, and awkward, and reckless, and socially stupid.  I say what comes to mind, and I rarely consider how it will be taken.  The one exception to this is my writing, and the only reason for that is because driving my readers away would be sort of counterproductive.  But I still don’t hold back my opinion.  I’m just more careful about how I express it.  “Diplomatic”, I think they call it.

I made a lot of bad decisions over the course of my life, and ended up in a lot of bad situations, but I chalk it all up to lessons learned.  I’m street smart, and tougher than nails on the surface, but the second I let someone in, they usually notice my heart on my sleeve.  Which is why I rarely let people in.

My politics, both BDSM and world related, can be summed up by the phrase, “Live and let live.”

I believe in helping people when you can, and loving your neighbor, and treating everyone with a little bit of common decency regardless of who they are or how you feel about them.

I’m submissive by nature and usually categorize myself as a “pleasure slave”.  I stole the title from the Gor series, but, true to BDSM form, I’ve made it mean my own thing.  Because on Gor, a pleasure slave is a girl who only serves in a sexual capacity.  Don’t I wish! For me, the title “pleasure slave” means that I do anything that brings my owner pleasure.  Be that cleaning the toilet, licking his feet, cooking him dinner, what have you.

However, sex is currently the main focus of our relationship.  I have intimacy issues and occasionally buy into sexual taboos.  M’s trying to help me get over it or through it or around it.  One way or another, I will eventually be comfortable with my sexuality.

Our dynamic… is sort of on the fritz.  That’s not to say that we don’t know where we stand in each other’s lives or that we’re confused about who’s in control.  It just means that we’re revamping our relationship.  But what it all boils down to is this: I am a 24/7, “no limits”, medium to high protocol slave.

That means that M’s the boss no matter where we are or what we’re doing.  It means that while he may have a ton of limits, I have given up my right to them.  In other words, I don’t have a safe word, and M decides what is and isn’t okay in all aspects of our relationship.  And he’s training me in a way that allows me the ability to be in high protocol should the situation call for it.  Or in case he feels the need to tug my leash that hard.  Or just cause he feels like it.

But I am definitely not expected to maintain high (or medium, for that matter) protocol at all times.  M enjoys my quirky sense of humor and outlandish personality entirely too much for that.  And part of being a pleasure slave is keeping one’s owner entertained.

I’m certainly entertaining.

We are polyamorous, though we’ve been monogamous for quite some time.  That’s due mostly in part to M’s belief that the perfect girl will just fall into our lap.  We won’t have to go looking for her.  Isn’t he something? Lol.

We are hopelessly devoted to each other and very much in love.  I have consented to him taking things from me that I do not want to give (consent to non-consent).  Though some of the things we engage in aren’t always safe, sane or consensual, we do believe in being risk-aware.

And my submission is not a gift.  I give it to him with the full expectation that he will control me in return.  That’s why it’s called “total power exchange” not “some power given”.

Rayne is a loving slave with sadistic tendencies and masochistic desires. Chaos incarnate. The girl your mother warned you about.  She writes toy reviews and blogs about being a 24/7 medium protocol slave to her husband Melen at Insatiable Desire, along with other bloggers involved in the lifestyle.  She also writes a weekly column about master/slave relationships at Eden Cafe with a number of other authors who write about various sex-positive subjects.  If you’d like to email her, send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com.

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