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The Roundtable: Money Handling
December 11, 2009 by lunaKM [175 views]
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Gather around the table everyone, I’d like to learn about something I don’t know a lot about. I welcome you to add your thoughts and comments to this post and if you feel an inclination, send me a guest post letting me know what you think.
This month I’d like to talk about money. Here’s the questions I have:
- Who does the budgeting in your relationship?
- Do you hand over your paycheck?
- Are there bank accounts with your name on them?
- Are you allowed to handle money?
- How are gift purchases handled if you aren’t allowed personal money?
- If you have no money control, what back up is in place if the relationship were to go south?
Anything else?
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Currently, my Owner and i have separate bank accounts, but a communal fund for household items (groceries, utilities, etc.) that we both use. i am responsible for budgeting as well as shopping and making sure the bills get paid on time. Both of us work, and should there be any future problems my finances and His are fully independent. This works because i have my own job and source of income. i hand over a portion of my income for household goods but otherwise all i earn is mine…if anyone were to hand over their money it would probably be Sir, because i’m the one who handles most financial duties.
As you know, I’m writing this as a Dominant.
Who does the budgeting in your relationship?
I do. My submissive knows nothing about what’s going on with the money. He knows nothing about the balance on the credit card either.
Do you hand over your paycheck?
When he was working, yes, he did.
Are there bank accounts with your name on them?
Our checking/savings is a joint account. The credit card is exclusively in my name. Our back-up savings account is also joint, but I doubt my submissive would even know how to get into it.
Are you allowed to handle money?
Yes. It’s only a small budget that he’s allowed to purchase snacks with at university. He’ll also receive specific amounts if I want him to go grocery shopping.
How are gift purchases handled if you aren’t allowed personal money?
He’s allowed to ask for a certain amount of money to be allowed purchase for a gift. Also, if he were to want money for a present of his own, he also must request permission to be allowed to have it.
If you have no money control, what back up is in place if the relationship were to go south?
Specifically, we have none. However, I know myself, and I’d never kick him out on the streets without any money. While at some point in the future we may not get along as a couple (I doubt it, but it’s possible), he is still a human being and I would treat him as such.
From a Dominant’s perspective, but still what we do in our relationship. Besides, my sub is playing his PS3 (Rachet and Clank) right now.
Kayla´s last blog ..Finer points of Impact Play
Lovely answers! It’s nice to see the other side of the dynamic respond to these questions too.
■Who does the budgeting in your relationship? i do, my Master would rather be working in his shop than have to deal with the bills. Besides, this way we have a savings account :)
■Do you hand over your paycheck? We just have a joint Checking/Savings account, where all the money goes.
■Are there bank accounts with your name on them? Yup, all of them.
■Are you allowed to handle money? i am allowed to handle all day-to-day household spending, i rarely have cash, but can use my checkcard as needed. Anything that comes up that isn’t a usual expense, i clear with him. i can buy gifts without checking in.
Who does the budgeting in your relationship?
-My Daddy does. He’s got accountancy training, so it makes sense. And I’m really, really bad with numbers.
Do you hand over your paycheck?
-If I had one, I would, although the last time I earned a little bit of money on my own, I ended up using it for clove cigarettes, dried mango, applesauce and chocolate. Daddy didn’t mind :)
Are there bank accounts with your name on them?
-Yes, but it doesn’t really have much in it. I think now that you’ve made me think about it, I’ll be asking if it’s possible for us to do a joint account.
-Are you allowed to handle money?
Yes.
How are gift purchases handled if you aren’t allowed personal money?
-Gifts that cost money don’t really happen for us.
If you have no money control, what back up is in place if the relationship were to go south?
-That won’t happen, but since we’re legally married and have a child together, the state would deal with that… and my family would take care of me. And I’m pretty sure Daddy wouldn’t try to just kick me out on the street anyway. He’s not that kind of person.
Appologies for being late to this roundtable. As alwyas luna, your roundtables have me thinking! thank you.
– Who does the budgeting in your relationship?
That is a hard one to answer. Right now I live with DH. Over the past 14 years we have physically lived together in the same house and we have only for a 6 month period of that had a joint account. We have always had separate finances and always shared bills out between us. I did a few years ago try to hand over the budgeting and complete fiscal control to him – and handed over full access to my bank account… it failed miserably. When January came around and he started his own business (again) I realised just how little trust I had in him and took over my personal account again. As it stands now, I do all the budgeting. I don’t trust dh to do so. He almost destroyed us financially last time he ran his own business, I will not allow him to do so a second time. This time round I have two children to think of. I do the budgeting for home, pay all the bills except two, do his business accounts and manage his busness bank account. His ONLY responsibility is to attempt to turn a profit… he may fulfil that some day.
What will happen with my Master when we are together, well… that is his decision to make, not mine. I will abide by what he wants of me and do my best to please him. Funnily enough it does not bug me or concern me in any way. To me it is a minor detail. There are a lot more important things than money. Money is a means to an end.
– Do you hand over your paycheck?
Again, a few years ago dh and me tried this. my wage always has gone into my account, so I just handed over my bank card. At the time he used to nick off with my car once a week and if it was running low on fuel, he would fill it up. I had real issues asking for money out of my account – even for something as simple and necessary as fuel. This for me highlights my inability to ask for help. I was (and still am to some degree) fiercely independent and that impacts on all aspects of my life. I did not trust dh and that was a painful thing for me to realise when I finally did. I DON’T TRUST HIM. Not just on financial matters either, that was the upsetting bit. As a couple, in a good relationship you always play to the stronger skills within, in all aspects of that relationship. For me not to trust him went deeper than just finances, I have realised as time has passed, I don’t trust him with me – I do not trust him not to hurt me, I do not trust him to protect me, to shelter me, to push me, to allow me to be who I am – ME. Now I am thankful that the experiment that ran roughly from June 2006 thought to Nov 2008 ended. I have a clear picture of my own finances, I know exactly where I stand in that regard for this present moment.
Future… The problem I had with dh and finances was trust. I didn’t trust him to look after and provide for his own family. That became painfully clear to me last year and it was pure coincidence that I met my Master shortly afterwards. As far as my Master goes, he has proved time and time again that my trust in him is well placed. If he allows me to work or not – it is his decision and I will respect that and abide by it.. Same as what happens to that subsequent paycheck earnt if I am allowed to work. Some may think this is a little shocking, but I know… I know deep inside my heart, I know from what he says and what he does, my Master loves me and my children. He will ensure we are safe and have what we need. Why would I be upset at having to hand over my wage?
I have to laugh, how many of you out there have a joint account with your husbands or wives? How many of you have your wage going directly into that? Accessible by both parties? What is so shocking about me not having a problem with handing over my wage if asked? You lot already do it without realising!
– Are there bank accounts with your name on them?
Currently – HELL YES! The one that I control 100% I see no need for any more than that one account. I also know the necessary details for his personal accounts and his business account which I manage for him online.
Future – should I care? I suppose in reality it is an easy way to pay a credit card bill, do eBay shopping and bill paying etc. I presume it would be needed to some degree. Do I get access to them is the more pertinent question and the answer to that only Master knows. Practicality dictates I need to, if only in the event of a serious emergency, but honestly… beyond that, I have not, nor wish to think about it.
– Are you allowed to handle money?
Currently – Would I seriously allow dh to stop me?! Like fuck I would. If Master didn’t want me to currently, he would have fun travelling 4500 miles to sort my bank and release money for me to put fuel in a car!
Future – well, it is specified within my slave contract. Whether I or anyone else likes it or not, money is an essential part of modern-day life. Bills need to be paid and some of the wonderful things in life such as visiting loved ones or family will involve travel. Who handles the finances does not matter, the essential part is that we both are happy with the arrangement and it works.
my Master and I were laughing last night about how to vanillas, parts of our relationship which would be banal details and normal to us, would be quite shocking and disturbing to them. If there is one thing my Master has taught me, without it being blatantly obvious and prescribed, is that I am who I am – only his approval is needed. To take this statement one step further, he encourages me to be myself, without second guessing, without shame, without hiding (from him at least). I cannot and will not live my life according to someone else’s perception of what that should look like. To do that, I would not be living my life and I would never be happy or at peace with myself. Financial planning, financial control in the greater concept of that – I AM SLAVE. I will do as my Master demands of me.
– How are gift purchases handled if you aren’t allowed personal money?
If I were not allowed personal money, I still can see no problem with gift purchases per se. I love creating things, it is a relaxing pursuit for me. I personally would prefer to receive something handmade, that has taken the giver hours of their time to plan and make and perfect to their liking, that has cost pennies, than a cheap 5 minutes in a jewellery store to buy a £500 bracelet that I feel uncomfortable wearing due to its cost and because they could not be arsed to give me the gift of their time or thoughts (yes I am referring to a live dh incident here). Friends and family already expect handmade cards from me, and gifts at times as well. The real issue with this question relates, in my mind, solely to my children. my Master cares about them already and shows me with little things how much he does think of them (such as a link to a website a few days before Christmas he thought they would like – and they loved!) . When we are finally together I have no doubts he will ensure their birthdays and holiday periods are taken care of, either by himself or hopefully together with me. He is a loving Man, one that astounds me quite regular with his depth of feeling and thoughts. At this moment in time, I don’t think this will be an issue.
– If you have no money control, what back up is in place if the relationship were to go south?
Now this question has had me thinking, and thinking, and thinking…. To quote the Grinch – “Until my puzzler was sore”!
Then the downright obvious struck me.
1. Do I need a back up?
If God forbid, my Master and I lived together and realised that it wasn’t working out between us – that would involve conversations of which finance would probably be one. If in years to come when we are together and our relationship was that bad that we were splitting, neither of us would have fulfilled our roles would we? We would not have been open with each other, we would not have worked together to ensure our love and understanding of each other did not fade. Having said that, I know my Master and his past well enough to know he would not turn me and my children our on the streets without thought. He would make sure that for the children’s sake at least, there was plans put in place.
2. I have family.
Here in the UK, in Canada, in South Africa, in New Zealand and distant relatives in Florida, Cuba and New York. If push came to shove and I needed a back up – a way out – and fast, I have no doubt that one or two phone calls would solve any issues I was facing at that time within a few hours. Plans could be put in place, plane tickets bought and I would be most likely in Canada for a brief spell or straight back to the UK within 24 hours. It is one of the things I am most thankful for – a strong, reliable family. Even distant relatives have the same ethos – blood is thicker than water – and each one of them would at least try to help in some way. In reality, all I would need would be access to an international phone line, or worst case scenario – Skype.
Sounds overly simple doesn’t it? Well maybe that’s because life is as complicated as you want to make it. Right now, a recent excercise I didn’t want to do, but did, made me realise that financially I don’t have much to worry over right now. Yes, things change and the changes that will be happening in the next few weeks will be very testing on that excercise. But I am not overly concerned. As far as the future goes – who can live in the future? – or the past for that matter. The only thing that matters is the here and now. The present. Hell, if all the proverbial shit hit the fan, the only thing I could do is to trust in my family, pick myself up and start again. I have enough brains to realise that I am employable. I am well-known enough in the UK to realise that finding some form of work wouldn’t take that long. Elsewhere in the world – who knows, but I have a brain, I am intelligent and I work hard. My concern, my only concern is to be with my Master, my heart’s home. To ensure my children are happy and loved. To ensure my Master is happy and loved. Everything else will fit into place as it should. I have stopped worrying about things yet to happen and things I cannot change.
The future is an unpredictable thing. Current events force it to change in nature every second.
I live here, now and every second is a gift from God. That’s why it is called the present.