photo by Alaskan Dude
I had a question sent to me via YouTube asking me about for information about dress protocols. I can only tell you what I am familiar with, so be aware that there are many many other forms of dress protocols and just as many (if not more) reasons behind them. I’m going to assume that the person who asked me wants to understand rules and protocols, not just special occasions where protocol may be in place.
Let’s start out with a refresher of what a rule is in comparison with a protocol. A rule is something that often a spoken or written direction for behavior and generally applies all the time. A protocol, as I understand it, is a set of nonverbal rules for specific purposes and occasions. A dress protocol for a wedding is different than that for a funeral, right? No one has to tell you that you should dress a certain way; it’s an unspoken rule. In BDSM situations, it is possible to have the protocol of a group or function written out and agreed to before you can attend. This is a higher form of rules that apply to just that event or group.
Now, moving on to dress rules and protocols.
A dress protocol is established by a Dominant as the way a submissive is to present themselves for any specific situation. These can be basic grooming habits to very precise details to what to wear to dinner or bed. A lot of times these are the first rules established in a relationship. These can start out as directions for when and what to keep shaved, how to care for your hair, or if you can wear panties or not.
The first rule I had was that I was not allowed to cut my hair. My Dominant likes my hair a certain length and I could only get it trimmed with permission, but never cut more than a certain amount. My hairstylist has adjusted to the change and will ask me now how much I can cut off safely before my boyfriend gets upset. The one to follow directly after that was shaving rules.
Now each Dominant has preferences for clothing and grooming. These are very outward symbols of ownership when followed and adhered to. Dominants can use these protocols to build body image or cause humilation or embarrasment. It could very well just be a Dominant’s preference.
In the case of a party, for instance, there may be a protocol that you must attend in fetish wear and that in order to get in you have to dress a certain way. This is intentional; to keep nosey vanilla people out and to strengthen the sexual and sensual vibe in the party venue. You may very well have clothing and grooming requirements for your private play too. If your Dominant requires you to have an enema and to paint your nails red, this is part of your play protocol. This can take on very different meanings for each couple.
Below is a short list of the dress rules and protocols that I can come up with. I welcome you to include your own in the comments.
- Shaving the genital area
- Maintaining a certain hairstyle
- Wearing or not wearing makeup
- Wearing undergarments
- Requirements for high heeled shoes
- Allowances to wear pants or dresses
- Having manicures and pedicures
- Only certain colors of clothing
- Accessiblity in clothing
- Wearing insertables
- Presenting in private completely nude
- When to wear the collar
- Allowances for jewelry
- etc…
What do you have for dress protocol? Do you wear a uniform of some sort? Share your rules in the comments!
My name is lunaKM and I’m a full-time stay-at-home submissive in a D/s relationship.
I started blogging when I was exploring D/s online in 2003. I needed advice, mentors and helping hands. Since then I've made it my mission to help novice submissives understand themselves and the services they wish to provide. 
My Dom isn’t very concerned with dress protocols, but the one thing I do need to do is always make sure my hair is long enough for him to grab and control my head with. Also I only wear my collar during scenes – my collar being put on is an indication I need to be more serious about my submission and more respectful. W/o the collar our relationship is more relaxed. I realize that my Dom is unusually relaxed about dress protocols.
.-= Nadia West´s last blog ..Mutual Masturbation =-.
Most of the time, I’m allowed to choose my own dress — though he established a color symbolism in our very early days. When I’m feeling especially serving I’m to wear something red. When I’m having the warm-fuzzies about our relationship, it’s something green. (When it’s both, I’m a bit christmassy…) If I’m feeling a bit blue, I wear something grey. When we are apart, I’m to include a description of my attire in my daily email greeting — the colors let him know my mindset.
That’s really interesting Sabrina. I’m hoping the colors that were chosen happen to be colors you would normally wear?
He chose colors that he knew would be flattering. And, yes, I already wore them! Also, the symbolic piece(s) could be anything — clothing, lingerie, shoes, jewelry — so there is a great deal of flexibility. Of course, over the years I’ve accumulated a LOT more red items! *smiles*
My Sir picks out my panties every morning for me, sometimes having me take them to work and wiggle into them at my desk, which I love to do. :)
Around the house I’m to wear my play collar, and mostly not much else. I do have what He calls a “slave dress” that is like a chemise with slits all the way up the sides and ribbon ties, so it can be very open, or not so very open, depending on His choosing.
My guy has expressed his preferences with me (long hair, no makeup, painted nails, clean shaven, freshly showered…). He always buys me white clothing and accessories; for example my collar is white, my bathrobe is white, my bath towel is white, I have a white mask, corset, cuffs, stockings, high heels, garter belt… We even only use white rope in bondage play. He’s never said anything about white, it’s just what he buys for me. I am trying not to tan (I tan easily but I am naturally very fair), because I think he prefers me that way. I am grateful that these are merely preferences and not requirements, however, because it gives me more flexibility as far as how often and to what extent I “participate” in that way, and it allows me to surprise him (for example, I recently died my hair black and am growing out my bangs). :D
i am the palest pale girl on the planet. seriously you can see my veins and i fry within 5 minutes of being in direct sunlight. Anyway sorry if that’s gross.
What i am saying is a sunscreen is of huge help…not only with pleasing your Dom, but it also protects you from skin cancer, and sun damage that can be aging. As staying young becomes more and more important to us Americans, these can be found in even basic over the counter full body moisturizers, or are available at a salon, or at the makeup counter at your favorite department store. Many brands that produce mineral makeup are beginning to incorporate zinc oxide in their products, which is a natural sunscreen. Also, just washing your face and moisturizing (with or without sunscreen) can keep you younger looking much longer.
i’m a licensed esthetician and thought maybe this would be helpful :) being a pasty little lady i’m pretty much obsessed with taking care of my skin.
Some other dress protocols can be as specific as which brand/shade of make-up is to be worn; which shape/length that pubic hair should be.
I’ve heard of very meticulous slaves, who are punished by being forced NOT to shave (legs/armpits/pubis).
My Master has preferences but never made me adhere to them. In fact I had to ask him what he liked and to stop pandering to me and tell me the truth. This of course was before the slave role was added.
He is a naturalist. He prefers my hair long and of it’s natural color, although I am free to do as I please. And for me that’s to leave it the way he likes it. He’s never made a mention about make up but given his natural tendencies I would assume he loves my skin more than the paint.
Even though he’s in Iraq we have discussed some basic ground rules.
1. When I receive my collar, there will actually be 3 for the 3 modes I operate in. Slave, Service, and Public. He will tell me when I am to wear my slave collar. Most days I will be wearing my Service collar unless I have to go out in the Public.
2. When in slave mode, I am to be completely undressed. Now it’s not possible at this moment, but I do try after our daughter has gone to sleep.
3. He made mention after I had started doing it, that I was to be clean shaven. This is a bit difficult at times but I do try very hard.
4. I had received a few thongs as gifts. I have always been opposed to them, but when he heard about them he made me put one on. So now, I am to wear them unless it’s “that” time.
He hasn’t made such demands on my clothing, but I tend to buy what I think will be pleasing to him. His favorite color is red so I have several red thongs. As I am still losing weight we haven’t discussed any further dress protocols or rules. A lot of this will be dealt with once he is home. He adds things slowly as to not overwhelm me, and keep me in the right frame of mind to continue my desire to serve him
My Owner prefers my Hair to be short, chin length at most, but long enough to get his hands into, it is also dyed a dark chocolate brown, as per his request.
I am required to wear skirts at all times, unless I’m on one of the motorbikes, or going to the stables, or have received special permission. He lets me choose my own make up and jewelry, though I know what he likes and try to please.
On days when we have time he picks out my entire wardrobe for the day, and in doing so he helps reinforce my submission. He often picks out my clothes when we go shopping, so almost everything that I own reminds me of him in some way.
My Master prefers me in skirts, (He says I have /amazing/ legs, and He likes me showing them off. I am not allowed to wear shorts, and must be wearing a contrasting set of panties.
Master prefers me to shave my head, along with all other body hair.
My master, choose the color of my panties… He got rid of my black, red, and orange clothing…. He likes me in baby blues, soft pinks, and sunny yellows. he only allows me to wear 4 inch heels or higher… Mouse is very short… 5’0 lols. He says that he loes the way i look vulnerable in heels lols….I always thought they make a woman look powerful.
My Daddy prefers me in dresses and I am not to wear panties or a bra when in his presence, including public. Upon his arrival home I am to be kneeling naked or if the children are around there’s to be a chair inside the door that I can be dressed and seated on awaiting him. Head bowed and eyes lowered when in either position.
My hair must be long enough to grab, but I can keep it short because it gives me chronic migraines. I need to keep certain body parts shaved, and I must present in a more feminine manner; which can be hard for me. No make-up, no nail polish, and no sticky/hard hair products.
Sir does not have a lot of rules for me. He wants me shaved which I prefer. His main rules are to keep me healthy. Weight is based on health not how thin I can be. The most recent thing I was surprised about. For the last few months it has been visits only and when my roots were showing, I asked Him if He would like for me to change the colour. He only asked how much damage my hair received from colouring it. He wanted it soft. If I could colour it and keep it soft, he had not preference as to the colour. Otherwise He would want it uncoloured and natural. This was a surprise to me. He is more tactile really. I like that. I am very tactile myself. It was a surprise to me because I was used to being critiqued about appearance not health. I love that he is more concerned about me and not how I look to others! I have been blessed to have Him find me.