Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

20 responses to “Am I Submissive?”

  1. mecontent

    Love the new layout.
    Very user friendly.
    I truly do love what you do. I have been logging on for a few months now and have learned soooo much.
    When I am better off financially I will be supporting this site.

  2. destiny

    This site is wonderful! Has assisted this neophyte to follow a destined path ~ thanks for making this site available ~ Hope to see more like it!

  3. dede


  4. Jim

    I like the 4 spaces being defined and those are good places for me to practice and learn in. I’ve always known, or thought, that I am submissive to Women. Perhaps I am merely controlled by them with ease. In any case, I like that, but I am making too many mistakes with my Female Dominant and thus I really need to find out more about myself.

    - Jim

  5. jay

    I’ve been recently exploring bdsm and this guide was really helpful. Everyone assumes I’m a dominant because I have a very stong personality, am very independent and confident, but I’m actually a switch. I did not think of myself as submissive at ALL for a long time and then realized that a lot of my personality traits are similar to the ones on this list–the joy that I get out of being in service to my partner. I’m not passive at ALL but I absolutely love serving the Dom that I’m involved with. And I’ve always been that way, I just didn’t know what it meant!

  6. Diary of a kinky bloke » Am I submissive?

    [...] in my personality that can fit into that description of submissive. From reading the article “Am I Submissive?” there are a couple of things that i think i identify with. The first being that i get the [...]

  7. LuckyTiger23

    I am very glad that I found this!! I have known for a while that I am submissive but this puts it into words that make sense. I am still learning what I can and trying to make myself be better for a future Dom.

  8. newtothis

    I’ve been struggling with how I’ve felt for years now, and what you describe totally fits me. I’m chastised all the time by my friends and family because I go out of my way to please people and it often leaves me hurt and confused. I want to know more, any tips? Thank you x

  9. katIRL

    good one luna!
    I would only add a feeling of self fullfilment when doing something for Him… but maybe it would be going a little too far ;-)

  10. katIRL

    I think it would be really helpful to subscribe to the e-course you find on the website, there’s two of them actually and I don’t remember the title… I was considering subscribing again myself, since that e-course is particularly helpful. It takes a little while before getting started, but it’s worth it!

  11. Barenziah

    I am not generally submissive, I am strong willed and when my husband asks me to do something my knee jerk reaction is to tell him No. However, I have always been fascinated by the D/s dynamic and find it very…erotic.

    i have in several ways expressed this interest to my husband and he dabbles in it a bit, using a more forceful tone or something along those lines…I think the idea of being a Dom and everything it entails kind of freaks him out…

    So, Yesterday my husband TOLD me to make his lunch. My first instinct is as I said, to tell him where he can shove it, but I made the conscious decision to acquiesce and to obey his order…and just the act of making his lunch made me blush and get… tingly.

  12. Amanda

    Thank you for this article! Granted, it didn’t tell me exactly what I was wondering, rather the exact opposite… Unfortunately. :/ You’re a fantastic writer though and your thoughts are lined out very well!

  13. Elena

    Only just discovered this article but definitely an interesting read. I engaged in the alternative lifestyle shortly after my 18th birthday as a Dominant woman but I didn’t feel “struck a chord” with me. After watching Secretary, I connected to Lee Holloway. The film itself raises questions about abuse, the stereoypes of a submissive etc, but moreover, there was something there for me. The way Lee looks at Mr Grey when she submits to him, the slight smile on her face, the way he spoke to her without shouting.

    2 years later I got involved with a young man, we’ve now been together 7 years and he is naturally protective and very Dominant in the bedroom. I am his pride and joy and it only took a neighbourhood domestic last week for me to see just how much he will protect me. I’ve never seen him that mad before and don’t really want to see it again! We’ve been married just over a year and my husband is the only person who can speak to me, at my core.
    Lately though, there has been a desire in me, a deep, deep desire to please him in all aspects. It’s not one of fear, I’m not scared he’ll mash me if I don’t serve him. I want to do what makes him happy, I want to be what makes him happy and lately he’s been seriously stressed at work. Because he’s bringing that stress home and I can’t get rid of his low mood, I actually feel like I’ve failed. It makes me miserable and down to think I can’t make him happy. I cook and clean to make him happy, I listen to him and nurse his ailments, I make him lunch, I allow myself to serve him in any way he desires. We also have fun in our relationship, we laugh and joke and share the good times. But if I say something cheeky, I get the ‘look’.

    I’ve thought for a while I my be naturally submissive but a lot of people seem to think I’m more naturally dominant. A lot of people talk about my husband being “under the thumb” and that actually hurts me. Sometimes, I actually want to scream at people “I am submissive! If you think you have a right to judge me, know the real me before I you do!”.
    Submission makes me behave differently, I cannot explain it. I hold my head higher, breathe better, I’m unreserved with my emotions and if somebody puts me down when I’m in my submissive mindset, I really, really take it to heart.

    I’ve tried offering my time in charity work but that was never it. I thought it was just a need to make people happy, but it really isn’t. I define myself as a natural submissive in my sexual relationships, I just thought I was alone, crazy, delusional etc. Luna, your article gave me the insight to accept what I am, and to be proud of it. Thankyou.

  14. darkhairedgurl

    After several stints on Fetlife and Collarme (before its demise) I’ve been told by many potential Doms several things ranging from 1.) I’m not truly submissive, 2.) I don’t know what I want and am not a good match to the D/s lifestyle, 3.) I’m too stupid to articulate my role in the BDSM community, and even that a woman who is truly submissive is submissive to every man with whom she interacts, whether it be in public or private.

    I’ve all but given up hope of finding a Dom but still know something deep down inside tells me I feel most comfortable in a submissive role relationship-wise. Although I know I’ll never know all I need to know about the BDSM lifestyle, I know this to be true.

    Thanks for the great article!

  15. Nelly

    Ok, and what if you like to be a submissive and a dominant? And what if you only like to be submissive in certain moments? I have so many questions hahahaha. If you are going to answer me, I prefered if you answered to my email, if you can, thank you :)

  16. Renee

    I am so grateful I stumbled across this page! I have just come out the other end of a six month ‘situation’ with a Dom where he alternately told me I was extremely submissive or it is all a fantasy for me depending on outside distractions for him. I have been doubting my core self that I have felt for as long as I can recall based solely on my belief in his words. I am so grateful for the reminder that no one but me can say who I am or not…:)

  17. Giles English

    Great post! I’ll add:

    I think a really important distinction is between being a bottom and a sub. The second does not really always follow from the first.

    For me, you are a sub if you still feel submissive *after* an orgasm and if you are comfortable submitting in non sexual situations.

  18. Jordan

    This is crazy because of the simple fact that I would fall under both. Dom and Sub. I am a huge people pleaser. I love to help others when they need the help, but at the same time I am a very independent person. If I truly wanted to live on my own I would so do it. Thank you for this article. Another crazy thing is that after watching 50 shades of Grey I felt a connection of this is me and this is where I belong, and I wanted to start trying it right away. Again thank you for this amazing sight to help us answer questions.

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