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My Submission is Better Than Your Submission
August 24, 2009 by lunaKM []
Competition is human nature. From the time we are children we start to see who is ‘better’ and hopefully that is you. It could be as simple as having more ice cream than your sibling thus making you better or getting the best grade on a test, making you better than everyone else in the class. We have all compared ourselves with others; sometimes we ‘win’ sometimes we ‘lose’. It is when we voice these opinions outloud that we might not realize the ramifications.
I’ve read recently on a forum where a submissive is explaining her life and how she struggles with one thing or another. Someone commented that they must not be submissive enough and that opened the gateway for competition. From people saying that they wouldn’t behave that way, or a good submissive would do this or that it’s all saying (even if it might not be true) that I’m better than you are because I know the answer. As if there were just one answer to begin with.
There is no such thing as not submissive enough.
Submissives are as different as snowflakes. Each is unique and beautiful. No one snowflake is the same as another. Telling someone that they aren’t submissive enough is just a means to belittle them and is not appropriate for any submissive to do. What I try to convey on Submissive Guide is that there is an appropriate way to act and behave. That is with common courtesy and manners. How would you feel if you were told that you weren’t skinny enough or sexy enough or feminine/masculine enough?
Unless you are willing to put yourself up on the box to have your submission picked apart, keep it to yourself. It’s not doing anyone any good.
Your relationship isn’t better than theirs, just different.
Those of us lucky enough to live in our submission full time are not better than those who get to do it in bits and pieces. Submissives come from all walks of life and look for relationships to fill certain needs. It could be that they are looking for a full time D/s relationship and it could be that they aren’t. Telling someone that their relationship isn’t D/s enough or judging them based on how frequently they play is just childish and rude. Try not to compare your life with someone elses. In the end, you will fail to see the point of their discussion because you will be too busy finding the flaws in their relationship that don’t make it just like yours. Be thankful you are in a relationship.
When at a play party, don’t try to be super masochist; be yourself.
Play parties aren’t competitions. If you go to one and try to do more, experience more intense play than you have before with the sole purpose of doing it better than masosubbie, you will fail and probably hurt yourself in the process. You need to remember your limits and stay within those. No one is going to think less of you because you can’t handle the lexan cane at maximum strength or a bull whip to your breasts. What you want to be remembered for is having fun and enjoying yourself. That’s easy to do when you remember what your body can handle.
Your submissive journey is not a race. Learn about yourself and be proud of yourself. There is no reason to compete with anyone else. Do you have any advice for those that want to compete or play the game of one-upmanship?
photo by HikingArtist
4 Comments
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My name is lunaKM and I’m a full-time submissive in a D/s relationship. I am webslut to
i totally agree with you. if you feel in your heart that you are a submissive and your Dom/Domme is proud of you, then thats all that matters. i refuse to judge other people’s submission. Sir always says that he is so proud of me. that is all i need to hear.
I’m glad you posted about this. While competition is sometimes a good thing, it’s getting a little out of control among the submissive crowd in many venues.
The thing people need to remember is, no one can be better at being you than you. (You in general, not you specific. But you specific, too.) :)
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It is that very reason why I no longer chat anymore. Maybe it has gotten better in the last five or so years since I stopped. But, arguements like that to me are a sign that perhaps someones emotional growth was stunted in high school. I hated High School when I was there. I have no desire to deal with people stuck in that same mindset. No one person is any better than anyone else. Submission is not a race or a competition. Nor, is it a time to act superior over others. Superiority breeds contempt as much as familiarity does. More people on both sides of the crop should remember that.
This is so true. On Fetlife, I will see strangers tell a sub, “Your profile says you are a sub, but you are acting more like a Domme.” The sub in question is often collared and already in service to someone, but simply because she did not say “Yes sir” to every man on Fetlife, she gets accused of “acting like a Domme.” What does that even mean? Acting like a woman, an adult, a human? It drives me nuts.
Hence, the idea of the “twoo submissive.” These “twoo” [true] submissives are the ideal submissive, and sometimes people argue over who is more naturally submissive.
My opinion? You could be the most naturally submissive person in the world, but if that dominating, forceful woman next to you has submitted to one man and her submission makes him happy, it doesn’t matter which of you was naturally that way and which one had to work at it. You’re both submissives.
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