Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

16 responses to “A Lesson in Control with Self-Punishment”

  1. shae

    I sadly had committed a HUGE breach of trust and it nearly drove us apart. Part of my punishment was to write an essay of why I had done what I did, why I should be given another chance…so many things. It was very difficult for me to write and even harder to read it over. Then I had to read it to my Master, it broke my heart. I hated having to say these things out loud to the man I simply adore. It was difficult to hear his voice, to hear the hurt I had caused him. I am ashamed yet, I lost his trust and I try every day so that he knows how much I do love him and that I am so sorry.

    Man, did I go off topic for a second! LoL!

    My point was, not only writing it, but, being made to read it aloud to him was just so… I don’t know… heartwrenching.

  2. Anonymous

    This may sound weird but my proof to my Dom is the fact that i coulndnt bear to dissapoint him…… disobeying would be making a total joke of the D/S dynamic……. i have his trust and i couldnt live without that….. this is just my view but i have to say… how many of you are really serious about this…its not a game……. Cazz

  3. lunaKM

    I’m sorry, but I do have to say that no one is perfect and even you have had to have had, or will have times where you make a mistake and will have to be corrected. Sure in a fantasy world you can be perfect and believe that every disobedience is making a joke of the relationship, but when you live it, you find you are human and subject to the same things as everyone else. Trust me, you can and will make mistakes.

  4. thekittenpup

    i have to say i agree with Luna… none of us, no matter how devoted, are perfect.
    .-= thekittenpup´s last blog ..TMI Tuesday =-.

  5. yumasub

    i have dissaponted my face to face master and have had a few punishments but they help me learn and i’m glad he cares enough to punish me

  6. Snowflake

    Personally i find punishments to be a good thing. As humans it is our nature to want to know the consequences of our actions. Honestly who here has not pushed a couple limits just to see if they could? Okay maybe that is just me but i learn more from the punishment and the talk after then i could have expected. Though it is rare i ever make large mistakes, i do make small ones all the time and the corrections of such actions teaches me not only how to better serve Her, but also how to better serve myself.

    i am one who usually responds off emotion, a habit which i am glad to say is all but broken now. My punishments have ranged anywhere from essays, to apologies, to speaking privilages being withdrawn, to time away from the internet which is where i see Her everyday. The worst punishments for me has nothing to do with the physical side. The one and only time i had crossed a line She removed my phone privilages and for days I could not hear Her voice. That was horrible and a lesson that i would never put myself into that siuation ever again.

  7. Leslie

    My punishment is usually butt plugs! I learned to hate them! I have to put them in no lube in front of web cam and then put on Chasity belt and lock it! I can’t take it out until he tells me to and then he will have me drive 2 hours over to his place and he will punish me there by spanking me with hand paddle belt and cane! Then he will put in a 5 in butt plug no lube and make me drive home and keep it in for 24 hours at least! Luckily this doesn’t happen to me too much 10 times in 2 years!

  8. daddysgirl

    I’m in a long distance relationship with a daddy dom, when i get punished which is not often, well not as much anymore. i loose princess privelage, my daddy calls me princess, and i don’t really like being called cunt, whore, girl, etc. whore i dont mind so much especially when he’s having me play with his property. and so for a period of time he won’t call me princess, and each time he calls me a different name besides that it makes me sad, and disappointed in myself, cause i know i made him angry. he also makes me sit with bullet inside my ass, i hate the sensation of it.. and anal isn’t something i can do often, cause I have IBS, and it aggravates it sometimes. I also have to spank myself. and i will have to take a picture or two of my ass after i’ve spanked it to prove to him i did it as he says. and then i will have to stand in the corner for a period of time. which if he can he will have me turn on my cam before heading over there. and so he can make sure i’m doing as he says. he would have me turn on the cam while i spank myself, but even though i’ve made him angry, he respects that i dont feel that comfortable with doing so on cam. plus how my short i am and that my cam is on my laptop. it be hard for me to show him.

  9. Princess Ayaka

    Personally I love writing tasks – it shows so much devotion!

    But I also love to play with expectations. It sounds cruel to demand a line to be written 300 times, right? So I leave it up to my victims how many they end up with. I could start with something modest like 25 lines but add some for every mistake or break they take.

    Fortunately just yesterday I learned that there are tools for that ;)

  10. babette Snel

    Great article, best way for remote punishment with an free orgasme!

  11. Joan

    Punishment is a curious thing. I’ve never actively sought punishment but I like it when I was punished because it meant my dominant was paying attention to me. That kind of caring is a huge turn on. Another unexpected bonus in this new experience.

  12. angel_kel

    This would definitely be an extremely effective punishment for me. Thankfully I haven’t experienced anything quite like that yet.

    Could you advise on some butt plugs that are good for long term wear? So many have the wide base, so it isn’t really isn’t possible to wear it out in public.

  13. Clive

    Im new to bdsm & want to do cock & ball torture to myself can anyone tell me how to start

  14. toastywarm

    I am was an online mistress to a young man across the country from me. When he misbehaved my favorite punishment was to ground him for 24 hours. He knew what that meant and didn’t like it at all.

    During these times he was expected to write an email to me every half hour on the half hour for the full 24 hours. This meant no sleep and consistent reminders of his misdeeds through out the punishment period. Emails had to be a certain length and each email had to be different so it usually would take about 10 minutes out of each hour.

    I never gave him more than 24 hours in a row but on a couple more serious occasions I have him the punishment every other day for 2 days. He got pretty groggy those times.

    Caution, if you are working with someone technically savvy they can build a program to send the emails for them. My guy wasn’t and I was pretty comfortable knowing that he was not cheating on his punishment.

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