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Banishment as a Form of Punishment: How Do You Cope?
June 24, 2009 by lunaKM [447 views]
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“Go to your room!”
Yes even adults in power exchange relationships get treated like children sometimes. A common tool for Dominants in their punishment arsenal is removal. You can be removed from the activity and sent to a time out area. For me that’s the kitchen. Ugh. I hate when I’m banished there. I can still hear what’s going on everywhere else, and to torture me even more there are no clocks. I can’t tell how much time has passed. It works for us because I can understand my punishment and correct my behavior during the time I am away.
You may not have such a short time away. What if your Dominant tells you that they are not going to talk to you or see you for a week? Longer? How do you cope with that realization that you have made them so upset with you that they don’t want to see you? It happens more often in relationships that are not live-in, but certainly are not reserved to that style of relationship. It’s hard and I spent my first few removals crying and confused.
Now, cyber relationships use banishment a lot more readily and it can be even more frustrating. You are essentially cut off from your Dominant in every way. They won’t answer their phone, you email them but no response; it’s like they dropped off the face of the earth. In these cases I think that banishment is a lot more damaging than other punishment. In fact I’m sure it’s lead to a lot of failed attempts at online submission. Connection and communication is the only way you are staying together and so to break that leaves a huge gaping hole. A hole that you can bail out of. Commonly, that is just what happens.
There are ways to cope with the disconnect of your Dominant for punishment sake. It may be hard at first, like it was for me, but it is possible. Now, coping does not mean you can get used to it, that the reason you are being punished can be forgotten, or that you won’t miss your Dominant. All of these things are important to remind yourself of while you go through your banishment.
The Initial Phase
At first you could feel that your relationship is fractured or that you did something really really bad to deserve this. Now I can’t judge how bad punishment is; only your Dominant really knows if it fits the crime. The only thing you can do is serve the punishment with humility. Do not constantly try to get in contact with them. They have given you this punishment and you should serve it.
Reflecting on the Infraction
Now that you know you are being punished and that you have a bit more time on your hands; think about what you did. Write about it to yourself or in a journal. Figure out how you can prevent it in the future. Heal the problem as best as you can so that you do not have to feel this punishment again.
Atone
As soon as the punishment is over apologize for what you did wrong. This is not the time to say that you didn’t do anything wrong or critique your Dominant. Be humble and apologize. You can hope that your reflection on what you did wrong will remind you that you don’t want to do that again, or you can apologize and know that you have corrected it.
Stay strong; banishment is not an easy punishment and thankfully something not everyone does.
3 Comments
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this slave’s experience of banishment is nothing less than trumatic..
Mistress is being extremely harsh ..
1st She blanked me for 10 days, which was hard enough, now for failing Her She has, without giving any chance to atone or beg for forgiveness banished this slave for an unknown period…
one month has passed already and all attempts to plead forgiveness
She has ignored…
Without knowing the circumstances, I’d like to preface this with please use my advice cautiously. It may or may not apply.
I feel that it is inconsiderate of the Dominant to just banish you without a time frame and feel that perhaps since a month has already gone by, that you have been dismissed permanently. If all efforts to contact them have been ignored I would, by this time, consider myself released and move on. There are just some situations you can’t atone for no matter how badly you want to be with them.
In a word, it is devastating.
OTOH, when he did what I came to consider “going on the rag” when he got upset about something and cut me off for periods of time while he contemplated his own navel, I did eventually learn to mostly just ignore it and wait for him to wake back up and come back to earth.
But in truth, it was living hell, and frankly, pushing your partner away like that does *nothing* to resolve whatever issue brought it on, and in fact, only works to destroy it.
kinkylittlegirl´s last blog ..Dominants Coming Through on Their Word