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Accepting 24/7 D/s as Real
June 9, 2009 by lunaKM [1,529 views]
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Part of the typical criticism of D/s full-time is that it can’t be real. No one can live 24/7 D/s. I hear it a lot. These people say that life gets in the way and you can’t be Dominant and submissive all the time. The people that say they can’t lead a 24/7 life always throw excuses in the mix that sound something like this:
Kids get sick, job gets busy, your friends ask more of your time. You can’t be D/s during these exchanges, that’s real life, that’s what gets in the way of living the lifestyle 24/7. No one can avoid it and no one can be in the role all the time.
I beg to differ. It’s a matter of setting priorities.
For lifestyle submissives, submission isn’t what they do, it’s who they are. They can’t change that anymore than the color of their eyes or who their family is. It’s a part of them. To tell them that they can’t be who they are all the time is absurd in those situations. We all wear different hats; the parent hat, co-worker hat, concerned friend hat and so forth. These hats dress your core person. A lifestyle submissive isn’t wearing a submissive hat.
This is the sort of person that generally argues against the ‘24/7 is not real’ camp. For them it’s all they know. Their job, their relationships, their family all fall under this 24/7 life. They know how to manage the role in all of the situations that everyday life throws at them because they don’t have to wear the hat. Natural submissives usually have an easier time at this, but I know many submissives that found submission late in life and have made submission who they are.
That isn’t to say there are those who choose to wear a submissive hat. There are plenty of them, and for them it can be true that 24/7 D/s just can’t happen. That’s because submission isn’t in their core person. It’s a hat they wear when they have time, or are in the right moment. They can not have 24/7 D/s. That doesn’t make them any less of a submissive and I think that’s the main argument between these two camps.
No one wants to feel that they are less than another. Submission is submission, but so many people have a drive to compare themselves; either to be better or to find fault in themselves. Neither of these ideas is healthy. As I’ve said many times on this blog, your submission is unique and the reason there isn’t a manual is that each path is different. You may pick another journey up the submissive mountain. The goal is the same and when you stand up on the peak, remember that there are so many further down the mountain having a similar struggle as yours.
If you take your lifestyle into 24/7, that is your reality. You focus your life around this and most can find it quite fulfilling to do. Accepting that not everyone can get there is a part of accepting your uniqueness.
Develop your reality to be worthwhile for your relationship and you may find that your side of the mountain is easier to scale and full of rewards. The only real life is yours.
photo by shattered.art66
6 Comments
Filed under Defining Submission
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I think it’s also important to note that just because “vanilla” life sneak in, doesn’t mean you aren’t being submissive “enough.” I’ve heard too many Doms (I’m referring to Male Doms/female submissives because it’s the majority of my experience) complain that the submissive isn’t “submissive enough” because she has to focus on picking up milk, bread, diapers, or had a bad day at work. Whether or not you want to live D/s 24/7, you are human, not a fantasy. If the Dom doesn’t acknowledge this, I see this as his failure, not the failure of the submissive.
I’m a submissive only to Daddy. In the “vanilla” world, I’m an attorney, and can’t make a living if I let my submission show. And, I can’t be submissive to my teenage son or daughter, as they would walk all over me. But, that doesn’t prevent me from being his submissive 24/7. At all times, I conduct myself in a manner that makes him proud, and that’s being the best attorney, mother, woman, and submissive, all wrapped into one tasty package for his exclusive enjoyment. If all submissives could be so lucky as to find one who truly appreciates her for all her attributes, submissive and vanilla.
It’s not the quantity of hours as a submissive, but the quality of hours as a submissive that truly makes a D/s relationship healthy and fulfilling, imnsho.
Daddy’s cutesypah
Very well put, cutesypah!
wise words…… so good to read…kind wishes to you x
(i seem to go off on a tangent lol my bad :P
So true… i am submissive at all times, only to Master. When it comes to “real life” i am still submissive to Master. i ask His advice, suggestions, opinions, permission. This is how W/we stay D/s in “real life.” Master makes the decisions. Master allows me and tells me no. Just because something happens, regardless what it is, doesn’t mean i loose my submission. If anything it (my submission) shows that much more because i ask Master for things that many others wouldn’t. This could be what to wear, what to eat, what to do about a difficult co-worker, what to do regarding my rocky relationship with my mother, or even what that weird sound is in my car!
Recently (last night in fact) i was given some rules about eating. Master is influencing my sleeping habits. Master’s Domination of me shows in all walks of life.
Basically, with being 24/7 your Master is the one who makes the decisions. How events are handled, what preparations are made, etc. And, when it’s the submissive who knows best, the Master will (*should) allow the submissive to give his/her input and then take that input into consideration when making decisions.
While our Masters make our decisions, they don’t do it willy-nilly. Especially when it’s something to do with our families, health, employment, health, etc it’s always in our best interest. If not, you need to re-evaluate your relationship.
thekitenpup´s last blog ..Evolved Diamond Lustre
Here here! Of course there is such as thing as 24/7 FOR REAL! Vanilla life does not ‘intrude’ into it… or gum it up… that is a myth and is certainly not the perspective of an insider (aka a true slave).
Everything i do, whether it is getting milk or disciplining our dog or doing my very alpha-role job, i do it for Master, to His expectations, and for the benefit of Oour relationship. As such, i am not submissive in areas of my life where i need to be dominant because by being strong i am serving Master in doing my job well. By keeping house, i am serving Master by ensuring that Oour home is clean and clutter free so Wwe can concentrate on Uus; by getting the groceries, i am serving Master by ensuring that Wwe have everything Wwe need for meals and snacks; by being a tough teacher i am serving Master by living to Oour principles of education and squashing time-stealing and energy-stealing whiny students from walking all over me and stressing me out. In short, everything i do is done in service of Master – even if it appears to be a ‘vanilla’ task, nothing is vanilla in Oour world for the meaning and intent behind these things is anything but. Even if it appears that i am taking a dominant role in some other area of my life, i do so for the benefit of Master. It’s all for the benefit, for the pleasure, of Master… it pleases Him that i do my job well, that i can run the household, that i can serve Him sexually… and it is my mindfulness of His expectations and needs in all those things that makes even filling the car with gas an ‘assignment’. That’s what makes it 24/7, not constantly parading around with a vibrating egg in my ass because He told me to (though that sometimes happens too LOL).