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Am I Normal? Exploring Normalcy in BDSM Relationships
April 10, 2009 by lunaKM [631 views]
(2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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One of the first questions a new submissive asks themselves is are they normal for desiring the things they do. This could be kinky sex, humiliation or service. Anything that appears to fall outside the vanilla umbrella can cause a novice to question if they are normal. This in fact, is normal.
Everyone questions themselves at one time or another. I’ve questioned myself many times. Each time I come out with a better understanding of myself and what I want in life. There is no reason to be afraid of new and different things. You may find that these things are worth your attention and could fulfill you in ways you never though possible.
For example, even if you never thought you’d explore bondage you one day had the desire to see what it was all about. There is nothing wrong with trying it out to see what feelings and sensations there were. If you find you love it, then that’s just one more thing to learn all you can about and have fun with it. If you find there isn’t really a strong pull towards it you can chalk it on the no thank you list. Either way, it’s normal and human to explore things that are different and foreign.
What about things that could be dangerous or involve risks? Does this mean you are a risky person? Not really. Everything you do has risks, even driving to the corner store could end in a deadly accident. Just because there are risks involved doesn’t mean you should shelter your desires.
So what is normal? How can it be defined in a BDSM context? Not very easily, in fact. Normal is different for each person. Everyone’s idea of normal fluctuates and changes during their lives. So your idea of normal now won’t be the same 5 years or even 5 months from now.
The uncomfortable feelings you experience when everything is still brand new have nothing to do with normalcy but with acceptance. When you accept your feelings as normal then you will feel normal. Thousands of people all over the world are exploring new and exciting things all the time. Join the fun!
Photo credit by Stryker W@SP
3 Comments
Filed under BDSM Basics
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*smiles* very well written :) i don’t even want to consider where i’d be if i wasn’t willing to explore and try new things..probably living a boring life with a boring job and boring friends lol
kittenpup’s recent blog post..new page and one updated
Thank you so much for the artical. I have had submissive sexual fantasies since my early twenties, I just turned 31. I found someone on-line recently while looking for a fling that caught my attention. He was open about his desire to dominate. We have been talking and we have very similar “wants” and “no into” lists. I almost broke things off affraid of being abnormal or the feeling I was getting of wanting to go deeper. This article has help to give me courage to continue exploring.
Thanks to the author!
hi,
This is my very first time here and found the article very useful, after many years together and a long forgotten sex life, i realised one day that i have major self control issues and was wound up tighter than anything i can describe here and wonder how my wonderfull husband stayed with me. Realising this has lead to us renewing the relationship and since telling him what was wrong, he approached me after i struggled to get free abd told me that he really liked it. A lot of talking later we decided that master and slve suited us best and since then well our sex life is more that of a 18 year old than a 40 year old. I finally feel free and feel i can give myself to him, mind, body and soul.
We still have a few is this normal issues and this article has definatly helped put my mind at rest.
Thank you.
The happy slave
Claire. (darkangel6769)