Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

10 responses to “4 Things to Look for in a BDSM Mentor”

  1. ChiefSquirrel

    There are also formal mentoring programs (for doms & subs) being offered. I know of Dallas, Las Vegas & San Fran offering them. Please check your local group about it. I believe the program came out of the Dallas area.

  2. roodlokje

    First off all, i wanted to thank you, your website is both a source of inspiration and information for me.

    Secondly, i really like this article, and understand the importance of having a mentor, but i simply haven’t got a clue as to how to find a mentor, since i am very new to all of this, and mostly read English/American sites, while i am dutch.

    Can anyone help me with this?

  3. anon

    Ok so I am NEW in the most green sense to submissive/dominant relationships. I have wanted to be submissive for a while. Met other people who I felt weren’t right (I just found this site today!) And I am glad I passed. But now I have met someone who is thus far patient and not trying to force anything and he asked today if I had someone else to ask questions to.

    At the time I said no since I hadn’t found this site, but now I’m wondering if there is some kind of online forum to be pointeed to?

  4. halee

    i would check out there are lots of people who have lots of knowledge and want to share it

  5. K

    so, speaking with a male mentor may not be the best idea… he seemed very knowledgeable and did not press for anything. Answered my questions intelligently but it seems as though it is hinging on the edges of a “trainer” role. What should I do?

  6. ted_subby

    K, this is just my opinion but if there appears to be any risk that a prospective mentor may have ulterior motives such as wanting to become your dominant, then you should probably find another to be your mentor, if you are looking for a mentor. You should feel very comfortable when communicating with your mentor.

  7. Danielle

    Hi so right now I’m in the process of interviewing a potential mentor that I found on So far things are going great between the two of us and I feel that I can trust her. She dose know what she is talking about and she lets me ask her any question that I want. Right now Im asking all of the questions she does every now and then ask me question. We have not yet met in person but we will in like a month. So what are some more things that I should look for?

  8. Jay

    I am 18 and living in Colorado. Several of my friends in the BDSM world think I am a “natural submissive” with a large independent, smart ass streak. I want to find a mentor to see if he could help me figure out if BDSM is right for me. Would this be something a mentor could help with? And does anyone know where I could connect with them? Any help would be much appreciated.

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