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lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

37 responses to “How To Identify Potential Fake Dominants, Predators and Posers”

  1. subslave691972

    Hi Luna KM I’m totally new to this and want to be a sub. The first day that I created a profile on a network I was contacted by a potential Dom. We chatted all day and he isn’t from the same are although the same state that I live in. Well we chatted all day and then he wanted to meet me after exchanging photo’s. We meet and talked a while, and he told me the difference between subs and slaves, asked me what role I wanted to play and while we were driving around after having dinner (which he paid for), he touched my breast, which lead into him playing with them while we were driving around. He said he did that and other things of that nature to gauge my reaction. That he was wanting to know if I was serious about wanting to be a sub. Well we drove around some more and then he parked in a parking lot of a business that was closed and the road was not too busy by the store, but did have cars traveling on it. That’s when he asked me if I wanted to suck his cock and pulled it out. Well I thought that it was another test so I did and enjoyed it as well. After that he said that he was pleased because he didn’t come so quickly as he did then.

    Now I ask you if this is a trait of a Dominate or a fake Dominate? Since then (2 days today) he hasn’t contacted me or anything. Is this normal? I’m confused and need advice.

  2. Christine

    Hello LunaKM,

    Thanks for this great article and wonderful website. I’ve been in the scene for a couple of years and I’ve been lucky so far, not to encounter these Doms and made great friends. I avoided online dating for such reasons so far but I might have fallen of the wagon. I am just wondering why a potential dom would spend time and energy on talking online everyday for more than a month, being patient and everything but being reluctant to meet face-to-face..? I just really don’t see the point of that. Usually it’s the other way around, isn’t it? If they’re “fake”, they’d just go for a quick meeting and play and that’s it. So why the reluctancy to meet? There isn’t any weird timelines when we can chat raising the flag of a wife somewhere, neither being physically different than what the pictures showed since we had a video chat. But the whole thing feels weird. Wondering if you had any ideas?
    Thank you very much for your advice.

  3. CougarDomme

    You SO got scammed by a poser wannabe. NO dominant worthy of the name would have done something like this and gives the rest of us a BAD NAME. Just because someone says he’s a dom doesn’t make it so and that kind of behavior is typical of someone using BDSM to get sex from women who should know better. Here’s a rule of thumb: If you wouldn’t do it on a vanilla date, don’t do it on a date with someone who says they are a dominant. On a first vanilla date a guy takes you to dinner and then asks you for a BJ do you do it? Or is it a red flag that this guy wanted just one thing? I can’t believe you got into a CAR with him–do you have ANY idea what kind of risk you took doing that?? As a professional dominatrix that travels, I get numerous offers from “subs” who want to “serve me” while I am in town and offer to drive me around or whatever. What kind of idiot really thinks I’m going to get into a car with someone I don’t know from Adam’s housecat? I’ll tell you: A Predator. They are out there and there are a lot of them. Hopefully if you run into one, it’s a relatively harmless one who just wants consensual sex and takes no for an answer. They are out there, but there are ones that are MUCH MORE DANGEROUS. The time to realize you don’t know someone well is NOT when you are tied and helpless. It’s very easy to become a victim, make sure you do not have that happen to you! As a domme, I am constantly offering valid references from previous clients and it always astonishes me that people do NOT check them out. Always check references and always ask for them. No legit dominant will be offended or surprised at being asked for a reference and if they are, RUN AWAY. IMMEDIATELY!! Number one rule in BDSM and life: PROTECT YOURSELF!!

  4. CougarDomme

    They are looking for an online fantasy. Period. They have a wife and you are having an emotional affair with them.

  5. Sheryl

    I looked up this site after getting into a fake dom relationship. Jerk used me, tossed me aside, and after 3 weeks without so much as a peep he demands my presents. Smarter and wiser-thanks to a real dom (and friend of mine), I simply deleted his email.
    My friends last sub moved, and he asked me to be his sub. He’s always been open and honest with me as friends, and I’ve always returned the favor. We mutually agreed its a smart fit for both of us, and I couldn’t be happier!!

  6. Fake subs....

    Fake subs will try to dictate how a Dom should act…. forgetting their place from the start.
    A Dom does NOT owe you a resume, if anything you should give one and their previous owner contact info so they can find out if you’re for real, or just trying to top from the bottom.

    There is no ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ way to live, and just because someone doesn’t like what you like doesn’t mean they’re fake. Don’t judge.
    Being safe is one thing, being hostile to anyone who doesn’t agree with everything you do is another thing entirely.
    Give people the benefit of the doubt, I like to give everybody one chance… but just one. You mess that up on day one, then there is no day two.

  7. huh?

    Fake subs? Sounds like you’re the very person this article is talking about, wow. I’ve encountered so many fake doms online. A huge red flag for me is anyone who wants to discuss how awesome For or 50 Shades of Gray. Most times I’ll ask them if they know about them and what they think. One of the reasons I knew my son was the real deal. I asked, and he burst out laughing, then began talking about how if he hadn’t been rich, 50 Shades would have been a horror survival story.

  8. Jennifer

    I entered a online relationship and I don’t know if it is red flags or maybe I am just being overly cautious. I had a contract with my ex-master verbal whereas with my new Dom daddy says I should not speak of it again. Is that a red flag? When a contract verbal/ written is not created?

  9. dazedandconfused

    I’ve been chatting on Fetlife with a potential Dom who seemed to really be on the same wavelength with me and asked if I wished to become his sub, which I agreed to, but then I subsequently had to leave the country for academic purposes and he became more and more insistent on meeting and told me I’d be happier if I went abroad as his sub then frequently messaging me with nude pics and demanding that I role play with him despite the time difference. After discussing this with him, he backed off and we started communicating on a casual basis and I once again affirmed my desire to be his sub, marked myself as such on my profile, then he sent me a nasty message telling me that I had to earn my right to call myself his sub, that I had to literally be broken and trained before earning my submission, that I had shown too much ego, and if I proved to be a ‘false sub/slave’ he’d drop me immediately, and that my act of listing myself as his submissive was just the sort of ego that would result in being dropped.

    I’m so utterly bewildered and confused. I’ve done a lot of reading on the BDSM lifestyle and truly feel that I’m submissive deep down inside and thought that submission had to be earned by the potential Dom – not a right earned by the sub, him/herself. I offered him my submission, he seemed to have accepted it, and now I’m on thin ice before anything has actually occurred between us.

    Am I a poser? How do I know for sure if I’m truly submissive? There are so many mixed opinions on this issue that now I feel quite clueless.

  10. Sophie

    Hi Luna,

    I’m a novice and just started seeing a dominate for a month now. As we move forward I offered my last name and asked for his. He got really upset with me. He has given me three different phone numbers and two email address where I can contact him but my gut says something isn’t right although he has been so sweet and has moved slowly at my request. Is it normal for dominates not to want to give out their last name or take you to their home or am I just being overly cautious?

  11. Maria

    ***FIXED TYPOS!! Sorry!!

    I’ve been seeing your videos and reading your site, I love it… I’m trying to get into the lifestyle and trying to find a dominant.

    I started talking to a guy from fetlife. He seemed good enough until he asked me, within the first maybe 8 hours of talking online, to send him naked pictures, videos and even recording a strip tease so he would take me as his sub…. I’m pretty sure this isn’t normal but I’m new to this… so I’m wondering if I’m just too prude? Then he was trying to makes excuses and wanted to give me a new “task” to start my “induction” but I just bailed… is this how it’s supposed to work??

  12. Littleone

    I’m new to being a sub , but a have a daddy which i’ve talked to for a whole day , i dont know if its a red flag but he keeps insisting on pictures of me , but when i ask for pictures of him he’s like ”i cant right know” maybe some other time , also when i asked for his age he told me 24 but for some reason i think he is lying.

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