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You Aren’t Doing It Right – Dealing With Criticism
February 4, 2009 by lunaKM [675 views]
(3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)
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I was asked in email for some help from a girl that was confused about the information she was given by submissives bent on giving her ‘good’ advice. She’s been happy in a relationship with her Dominant and while they live a D/s life she’s always seeking more advice on the right way to do things. In her advice gathering, she was told that they weren’t doing it right; that she needs to address all Dominants as Sir, and that her interactions weren’t genuine.
The issue I have with this is that so many people have this idea that if people don’t do things the way they think they should, that for some reason, they are doing it wrong. It can be as simple as using Sir or Ma’am with all Dominants, to how to present yourself for your Dominant.
The media and books do portray certain aspects of our lifestyle incorrectly or set standards that just aren’t realistic. The worst offender is online chat rooms, which have their own protocols and behaviors that a lot of people tend to try and cross over into face to face interactions. Submissives can see this as the way things should be done, and not one of many ways that things are done.
I always define this sort of behavior as ignorance and naive. So, let me put my foot down right now on my stance. There is no one way to live this life. There is only YOUR way. Your way is the true way for you; no one else.
So what I’d like you to take from this is that when you give advice, keep it open minded. It is possible to learn a new way to do something that you never though possible. Everyone has a unique take on their life and their love of BDSM and D/s.
What’s your take? Have you had someone tell you that you aren’t doing it right? How did it make you feel?
3 Comments
Filed under BDSM Basics
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Submission isnt a one size fits all kind of lifestyle. We all take the pieces and parts from the aspects we like and make it our own. God knows my choices arent like anyone elses.
Someone judging and saying we are doing it wrong is plain narrow minded. I said this very same thing on Fetlife. I dont live by the dictates of a book or anything else. I take from different areas of the lifestyle and work those pieces into my life and the way I like to do things. No one does it right.
As for the whole every Dom needs to be called Sir .. um no. Respect is earned. I dont call every Dom/me Sir or Maam. Earn my respect and Ill gladly call you that but anyone else is just folks. :D
Theresa’s recent blog post..Wednesday Weirdness
i completely agree! What other people think, should NOT be important. i think that the one and only one thing that is or should be standard in all D/s relationships is that the ONLY important opinion is Master’s. While getting ideas and different takes on how to do something is fine…Ha! There’s only one Man i call Sir or Master, and it’s my Master. Because He earned it. *snorts* if someone ever told me that i have to call ever Dom Sir and it wasn’t my own Sir…*shakes head*
Everybody has different needs and wants and desires and morals and beliefs..etc etc. Trying to fit every relationship into one set category is only going to lead to downfall. i am very glad that person reached out, and i am hoping that they know that they need to do what’s right for them, not someone else.
kittenpup’s recent blog post..fiscal tea-bagging
Well, this has been an interesting article. And from what I have read, different opinions abound. The only thing I’ve seen missing is “what is your Master’s opinion.” My slave ‘kitten’ has instructions not to even talk to another Master without my permission. Now, I’ve never denied her, when she has properly asked to do so but it is my decision. I do believe respect is earned.