Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

14 responses to “What Is Slave Training?”

  1. ~melly

    i posted a while back on my journal about training, and my biggest thing was that BDSMer try to take the word “training” as it applies in vanilla life and use the same definition in BDSM life. that simply doesn’t work. because “training” vanilla style implies a set of skills in a certain area that are learned, mastered, and then finished (there is an endpoint, after which you “know” that stuff) in my own vision, BDSM style “training” is NEVER over, and is instead an ongoing process designed to better facilitate the type of service and the expectations between a dominant or Master and their submissive or slave. it doesn’t stop. there’s no certificate of completion. there’s no “i have been trained.” one is always in training, IMO. one is ALWAYS being trained.

    why? because, well. people change! what may have been perfect for your dominant three years ago may change. you have to re-train for that activity or preference. circumstances change. you may have to rethink appropriateness or viability. your owner my decide something is less “worth it” than other things, and so priorities switch around.

    viewing “training” in a vanilla sense is a great downfall to submissives, because i think it creates a sense of both achievement of level (when there is none) and an inflexibility that will never facilitate a true understanding of the services needed. things change. service shifts. submission becomes harder, or easier.

    training isn’t final. it’s never-ending. and if someone tells me (upon contacting me as a domina, which i also am) “i’ve been trained” my first response is, “not to me, you haven’t.” i don’t want ANYONE to come into a relationship with ME thinking that what they learned in a previous relationship makes them more desirable, or that what they learned is even going to be preferable! and i certainly don’t want anyone thinking that prior “training” is required for them to be a perfectly good submissive or serviceperson. a

    frequently, that prior “training” may have to be UN-trained for them to serve me in the ways i prefer, which can sometimes be difficult if they have been led to believe that one way is the “proper” way, or that they have been “trained in the art of….” whatever thing. they may feel unsure, they may feel misled, or even as if i am setting them up to fail, because they CLEARLY aren’t doing it the right way! they KNOW the right way, right?

    as i said in that post, sometimes, previous training can become synonymous with another relationship word: BAGGAGE.

    Master’s ~melly,
    Syr David’s slave

  2. lunaKM

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts! You are exactly right. The idea of training is difficult to understand at first but hopefully you and I have helped novices learn that their classical idea of training is not the same as training in a BDSM context.

  3. lilcricket

    Hi my name is lilcricket, and i just happened on this sight as my Daddy/Master yes i call my Master Daddy,i am pretty new to this lifestyle and He wnated me to read to learn and to learn i have been browsing the web sight all day and so far i really like it. but anyway… on topic lol, ty for your comment mellie i have heard that soo much in chat rooms where a slave will comne in and say i am trained i always felt like i was lacking something but now its good to know that i’mnot lacking i just don’t know as much and those that say they are trained are really not . they may have skills that i don’t yet but that doesn’t mean they are a better slave than i am like they like us to think.
    Thank You for the encouragement. lol seeems like you made theis site just for me lunaKM, again ty

  4. The Top 30 Posts of 2009 | Submissive Guide

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  5. Tina

    How can I find a dom of my own. I am being trained by another dom right now, however he already has a pet and doesn’t wish to have more than one.

  6. lunaKM

    The best advice I can give you is to get out into your local (nearby) community. Find munches to attend and get to know people. If you are dating site inclined there are sites specifically for BDSM folks as well. It’s exactly like the dating you may be used to. It takes time and you may be single for a long time. Getting involved with a community of like-minded folks may help you pass the time while you search for Mr. Right.

  7. Dionn

    Ms. Luna’s video was excellent and informative. However I have so many questions I hope that I will not become a trouble to her.

  8. Arsenios

    You are perfectly right in stating that training is an ongoing process. My pet gets confused in the sence that My prioities of her training change on a weekly basis. she gets confused that it is an ongoing process. Since the first day she called Me “Master’ in the heat of a sexuall act, is when I brought her into the lifestyle that I have known for years.

    At first we were just vanilla couple “dating”. she knew that I did not wan’t anything serious for the fact of I couldn’t leave My chosen lifestyle to be in a vanilla relationship. Since that day in the heat of passion that she reffered to Me as “Master”, it has been an ongoing process since then.

    The most important thing to remember about so-called training is that it never does end. There are always things that can use improvement on both ends of the spectrum. I am constantly retraining Myself to better suite My needs, and hers.

    Essentially a BDSM relationship as I see it is symbiotic. We both get things from eachother. I receive her submission, her obidience, and her undieing affection and love.

    she receives My Dominance, Structure, Closure, and guidance.

  9. mark

    Hi – dont know if this is the right place for this question but i recently got together with a girl who is a submissive and wants me to be her dom – after talking with her i find this lifestyle quite interesting but have no idea how or where to start. i tried a few ideas of my own but quite frankly i have no idea what im doing. is there anywhere or anyone who can teach me the arts / skills of domination ?

  10. Steele

    no true Dom can be a true Dom without first being a sub there isnt any eception to this rule! how can u ask a sub to do something you have no idea what your asking or how it needs to be done. think about this.

  11. Cuffsmaster

    I must say I agree with your idea that all aspects of your life can be training or serving your master. My slave has conducted classes on this subject. Serving is more than just behavioral training. I have been making this argument for more than 10 years now on my website where I advocate that slavery is about behavior, emotions & sensations, self-image and thoughts. Behavior training is only a small part of the total process of “becoming a slave”

    I also see training as “never ending” but one can reach a comfortable state after the basics have been learned. At that point you enjoy the slave you have trained. That is when the real pride in owns her is felt.

  12. Sandy

    I’ve known for a year now that I’m a submissive and I would love to have a dom of my own. Unfortunately, I was married before I figured this out. My husband is vanilla in bed and I don’t know how to go about asking him to explore the BDSM lifestyle with me. I find myself wanting desperately to please a Dom. When I asked my husband one day what he would like for me to do for him that I haven’t already, he couldn’t come up with anything. I’m scared he may be a sub too. What should I do? How do I tell him what I want from him and introduce him to the lifestyle?

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