In this week’s video tip I talk about what training is to a submissive and the value it has to a D/s relationship.
When someone thinks of slave training, what is the first thing that pops into your mind? Is it a submissive on their knees going through the paces that their Dominant puts them? Is it Gorean-style positions and changes in speech?
What would you say if I told you that training is everything that you do for your Dominant when directed to do so in a certain manner? Take a basic request of making coffee or tea. If you are told the specific way your Dominant takes their coffee or tea and then proceed to do that every time it is requested you are being trained to make his or her coffee or tea. This is training.
The term training can also be used for the time period where you learn the protocol of a new environment. Much like your orientation period at a new job (which is likely also called training), you learn what is acceptable and expected of you during your work hours.
Training can come in all forms. Some Dominants go through steps to teach their submissive proper protocol within the home and the rules of the house. Other Dominants give their submissive rules that they have to learn and then use a punishment and reward system to instill them.
There is a really big hype about training when there doesn’t need to be. Every single behavior change or attitude change is part of your training. I bet that there are things that your Dominant would consider training that you don’t. Are there actions or activities you do that are now a habit that wasn’t before? Can that be attributed to training?
The important thing to remember with slave training is that is it an agreed upon change or set of changes that the submissive undergoes to improve themselves for their Dominant or themselves. You do not have to be in a relationship to undergo training. You just have to have a desire to better yourself.
As a follow up to this post I wrote “Dominance as a Slave Training Tool to Better Submission.”
Also Available
Simply Service Newsletter May 2008
Inside this edition:
- Is Slavery Real? by Darren
- Productivity Tools
- Training Outside of the Box by Bootpig
- porkchops Rules of Bedding: Inside Info from a Retail Whore
Books That Might Interest You
Master Nage’s Guide to Training Consensual Slaves
Protocols: Handbook for the female slave
Want more? Get my free report "Wants and Needs: How to Get What You Need and Ask For What You Want"...
My name is lunaKM and I’m a full-time submissive in a D/s relationship. I am webslut to 
i posted a while back on my journal about training, and my biggest thing was that BDSMer try to take the word “training” as it applies in vanilla life and use the same definition in BDSM life. that simply doesn’t work. because “training” vanilla style implies a set of skills in a certain area that are learned, mastered, and then finished (there is an endpoint, after which you “know” that stuff) in my own vision, BDSM style “training” is NEVER over, and is instead an ongoing process designed to better facilitate the type of service and the expectations between a dominant or Master and their submissive or slave. it doesn’t stop. there’s no certificate of completion. there’s no “i have been trained.” one is always in training, IMO. one is ALWAYS being trained.
why? because, well. people change! what may have been perfect for your dominant three years ago may change. you have to re-train for that activity or preference. circumstances change. you may have to rethink appropriateness or viability. your owner my decide something is less “worth it” than other things, and so priorities switch around.
viewing “training” in a vanilla sense is a great downfall to submissives, because i think it creates a sense of both achievement of level (when there is none) and an inflexibility that will never facilitate a true understanding of the services needed. things change. service shifts. submission becomes harder, or easier.
training isn’t final. it’s never-ending. and if someone tells me (upon contacting me as a domina, which i also am) “i’ve been trained” my first response is, “not to me, you haven’t.” i don’t want ANYONE to come into a relationship with ME thinking that what they learned in a previous relationship makes them more desirable, or that what they learned is even going to be preferable! and i certainly don’t want anyone thinking that prior “training” is required for them to be a perfectly good submissive or serviceperson. a
frequently, that prior “training” may have to be UN-trained for them to serve me in the ways i prefer, which can sometimes be difficult if they have been led to believe that one way is the “proper” way, or that they have been “trained in the art of….” whatever thing. they may feel unsure, they may feel misled, or even as if i am setting them up to fail, because they CLEARLY aren’t doing it the right way! they KNOW the right way, right?
as i said in that post, sometimes, previous training can become synonymous with another relationship word: BAGGAGE.
Master’s ~melly,
Syr David’s slave
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! You are exactly right. The idea of training is difficult to understand at first but hopefully you and I have helped novices learn that their classical idea of training is not the same as training in a BDSM context.
Hi my name is lilcricket, and i just happened on this sight as my Daddy/Master yes i call my Master Daddy,i am pretty new to this lifestyle and He wnated me to read to learn and to learn i have been browsing the web sight all day and so far i really like it. but anyway… on topic lol, ty for your comment mellie i have heard that soo much in chat rooms where a slave will comne in and say i am trained i always felt like i was lacking something but now its good to know that i’mnot lacking i just don’t know as much and those that say they are trained are really not . they may have skills that i don’t yet but that doesn’t mean they are a better slave than i am like they like us to think.
Thank You for the encouragement. lol seeems like you made theis site just for me lunaKM, again ty
lilcricket
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How can I find a dom of my own. I am being trained by another dom right now, however he already has a pet and doesn’t wish to have more than one.
The best advice I can give you is to get out into your local (nearby) community. Find munches to attend and get to know people. If you are dating site inclined there are sites specifically for BDSM folks as well. It’s exactly like the dating you may be used to. It takes time and you may be single for a long time. Getting involved with a community of like-minded folks may help you pass the time while you search for Mr. Right.
Ms. Luna’s video was excellent and informative. However I have so many questions I hope that I will not become a trouble to her.