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Help! My Dom is smaller than me!
January 30, 2009 by lunaKM [527 views]
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You’ve met the perfect person; they are strict and charming, their dominance is a perfect compliment to your submission. There is just one hang-up. They are shorter than you, or they could be smaller in stature than you. Could there be an issue with your ability to submit to someone that can’t overpower you physically or that you can’t gaze into their eyes from below?
There is a reason why it can be a problem with some people to submit someone that doesn’t fit their mental image of a dominant. It has to do with perception. You can’t assume that just because someone is shorter than you are that they can’t bring you to your knee with a word. Someone’s physical presence is not where their dominance lies. Look within and see that the dominance is who they are and they can wield power from wherever they are, not just from above.
The media has given us a stigma of the muscular, powerful dominant or the tall, busty female dominant. The vision may help fuel your dreams and fantasies but the general population does not look like our dreams. We need to step out of that 2-d environment of screen and pictures and take in reality.
Give someone a chance to show you who they are. Being open to someone that isn’t your perfect vision of dominance could lead you to your perfect partner. People come in all shapes an sizes. We all have preference for body types, and each of us has different bodies. Our submission or dominance is who we are, not what we look like. When you meet someone that is just perfect in personality, their size shouldn’t mean anything.
Even if you have accepted someone into your life that is smaller than you are, you could still have occasional issues with power exchange. In the heat of a moment you could forget that they still control you and try to force them to do your will or refuse to do theirs. They may then reassert their power over you in a corrective way.
So how do you break down your own perception barrier?
- Analyze your reasoning behind why you find shorter people less dominant and change it.
- Figure out why being taller makes you feel less submissive.
- Talk to the dominant as equals and get to know them.
Do you have any ideas to share? Are you in a relationship where your Dominant is smaller than you are? Is it difficult to obey them? Why or why not?
7 Comments
Filed under BDSM Basics
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My Dom, Palus, is exactly the same height as me, so when we go out with me in high heels as he prefers, I do appear taller than him.
It hasn’t really been a problem for us tbh. Possibly because physically (as in frame-size and musculature) he is very much larger than me. He also has a much more dominant personality.
In fact the only problem we have found at all is when he wants to fuck me standing up – my legs are longer than his hand he can’t reach lol. We have joked about the poor guy needing to stand on a box PMSL
Soltic and I are the same height, but I’m a corn-fed farm girl, so I’m heavier than he is, and more muscular. (He’s lean muscle, I’m bulk muscle.) We’ve had a lot of fun “in the bedroom” with this difference, but as far as his cominance, it actually never was an issue, because he “projects” what he is.
That’s not really a clear way of putting it but, the thing is, when you’re around Soltic, you can tell he’s “quietly in charge”, even if he doesn’t do anything but stand still.
I do think I’d have an issue with someone a lot BIGGER than I am, for some reason. *headscratch* Go figure, eh?
Here is a view from the Dominant side of things. I am exactly 5′5″ tall and weigh about 160 lbs. I have to admit there are some women I wouldn’t even try to dominate, but most women I seem to do ok with. One learns tricks along the way. Pressure points don’t require a great deal of strength and some can give ecstasy as well as agony. I also have a deep voice that can go rather loud. And most of the time all it takes is a good tug on their hair and if the girl is submissive she will drop to her knees and presto! I’m taller than her!
I had to laugh at Palus-Sub’s fucking standing up, lol. Do it in a pool or hot tub! The difference it height won’t matter in the water. Or else just learn to do the splits, lol. Or (snicker) He might (snicker, snicker) stand (begins to laugh) on a (breaks up completely) phone book!
LMAO! Sorry about that but I just couldn’t resist it.
But my above point is that if one is creative and thoughtful one can overcome almost any problem or limitation.
LGM
LOL, or a crate! I agree that you can overcome any limitation, but some submissives see a Dominant as a power figure and if they are shorter that might affect their mental space. I’ve heard several times, “I can’t submit to someone smaller than me.”
Yes I’ve heard that too. My usual response is to calmly reach out as if I am taking their hand and quickly bend their little finger into a pressure hold which will get them on their knees in about 2 seconds flat. Now that I have control of them I’ll reach behind with my other hand and get a good fist full of hair and then sweetly ask them if this was what they meant? Of course providing it’s ok with her and anyone who might possibly own them.
Now I have to admit if she’s 6′2″ I’m just going to leave her for the taller guy, lol. There are limits. Unless of course she doesn’t have anything against smaller guys. I just love tall women but very few of them will take a short guy, kink or vanilla. So I go with the other extreme and I have a fetish for tiny girls.
And as it would turn out the girl I’m seeing at the moment is almost exactly my height. She claims she has half an inch on me but I dispute the fact, lol.
I’m 6′ tall and my ex husband was 5′5″. He was also really skinny and I’m a BBW. The most common comment we got was “aww, aren’t you a cute couple” Gag. I don’t mind the shorter guy.
Well that gives me faith. I used to work with a drummer who was about 5′6″ and his wife was 5′9″ but they’re in the ex column too. And yea the “Aren’t you cute” line would make me gag too, lmao!